My Attempt at Poetry, five minute creation |
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 Nov 7 2007, 03:52 AM
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#1
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 the 1&only Danny Dahl  Group: Member Posts: 149 Joined: Apr 2007 Member No: 518,959  |
 I was talking with a buddy of mine, and something I said happened to rhyme. He joked that I should write a poem, but laughed and didn't think I could. So we both gave eachother five minutes to each write a poem and create a picture with it, so we could compare. This was my five minute creation. Feedback is much appreciated. |
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Nov 7 2007, 03:58 AM
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#2
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 isketchaholic Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 2,977 Joined: Apr 2007 Member No: 516,154 |
In line 12, is that supposed to be 'neither a brush nor paint' or did you do that purposely?
good job on the rest 
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Nov 7 2007, 04:05 AM
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#3
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the 1&only Danny Dahl Group: Member Posts: 149 Joined: Apr 2007 Member No: 518,959 |
Thanks for pointing that out.
I didn't proofread it extensively since I only had five minutes 
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Nov 7 2007, 04:14 AM
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#4
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isketchaholic Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 2,977 Joined: Apr 2007 Member No: 516,154 |
maybe it could be " in search of answers " ? line 18
sorry I'm not quite sure what sort of feedback you'd like =/ |
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Nov 7 2007, 04:18 AM
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#5
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the 1&only Danny Dahl Group: Member Posts: 149 Joined: Apr 2007 Member No: 518,959 |
Ooh, that does sound better
I basically wanted to know that it doesn't suck haha |
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Nov 7 2007, 04:51 AM
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#6
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 Senior Member Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 1,815 Joined: Jun 2006 Member No: 423,396 |
I think this should go under Interests > Writing.
 Topic moved. |
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Nov 7 2007, 05:04 AM
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#7
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the 1&only Danny Dahl Group: Member Posts: 149 Joined: Apr 2007 Member No: 518,959 |
Indeed it should
I didn't know there was a writing sub-forum. |
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Dec 7 2007, 11:08 AM
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#8
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the 1&only Danny Dahl Group: Member Posts: 149 Joined: Apr 2007 Member No: 518,959 |
Added a line
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| *yrrnotelekktric* |
Jan 14 2008, 09:19 PM
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#9
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Guest |
QUOTE(--DANNY-- @ Nov 7 2007, 01:18 AM)  Ooh, that does sound better I basically wanted to know that it doesn't suck haha it doesnt, imo. i like itttt. 
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Jan 15 2008, 06:30 AM
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#10
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 Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 4,750 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 10,581 |
You should try writing a sonnet, you'll do good.
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