Simple jokes are the best jokes Options

[Simba]

I don't like having to take the time to watch a YouTube video all the time.

The Bravest Man in the World:

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next, fatty."

Marriage Troubles:

A man and woman were having marital problems so they went to see a marriage counselor.
The counselor, in an attempt to find some common ground from which to begin his analysis said,
"Tell me about anything the two of you have in common."
The husband spoke up and said, "Well, neither one of us suck cock."

An Observant Drunk:

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g pack of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

The Barbershop:

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long
before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said,
"About 2 hours."

The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and
asked,

"How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours"

The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked,

"How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and
half."

The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a
favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes.

He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then
he doesn't ever come back."

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing
hysterically.

The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"


Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house."

I Won the Lotto:

A man rushes home after he just found out that he's won the lottery, his wife asks him, "whats wrong?, what happened?"
he replies to her

"honey, pack your bags, i've just won the lottery!"

she screams in excitement as the both of them jump frantically in celebration. she asks her husband
"oh my god, i cant believe it. where are we going?"

he's still smiling from all the excitement as he responds to her,


"i don't care just get the f**k out of my house"

[Jinny]

Haha, the last one..
and number 3

[dustbunny]

ohhh those were good. especially the barber one :D

[Simba]

Here's another:

Testicles:

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still
heavily sedated from a difficult,four-hour surgical procedure.

A young student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath."Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask.
"Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know,
Sir I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls
back the covers.


She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand
and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with
them, Sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her
and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful,
but listen very, very closely:

"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?"

[Jennifer]

Lmao, I wish I was smart enough to get the Barbershop and the Testicles one

But @ the lottery

[datass]

^test results probably sounds like testicles.

i dont understand marriage problems one though.

[Smarmosaur]

i don't understand the barbershop thing...

[Amaranthus]

I understood all of them but I had the most trouble with the barbershop one. My favs were obseravant drunk, and testicles.

[mmhmichelle]

I feel so smart.
I understand all of them!

at least I think I do.
>_<

[HakunaMatata]

Someone please explain to me the Barbershop one.

But the marriage was one was punnay. xD

[Joss-eh-lime]

^ i think the visiting guy is like, doing his wife while the barber is working.

i like the observant drunk one

& testicles! hahahaa

[HakunaMatata]

OH. *facepalm*

...wooow, I feel hecka slow now.

[arcanum]

Ahhh, Fantastic topic, Archie! I love the observant drunk one, but all are great.

[karmakiller]

LOL, 'cos you're ugly.

That one I haven't read before.

[austinoutloud]

haha, i like "Testicles"

...thank god for quotation marks.

[EddieV]

LMAO

[JokeInsideJoke]

omfg i love teh barbershop one............ haha that is soooo funny!

[onelastwish]

i'm so grateful for this thread right now. i needed a laugh and i definitely got one.

[*yrrnotelekktric*]

i won the lotto
and
the barbershop are hilarious.

[membrthetimewthe...]

:D

Took me a while to get the barbershop one. Had to read it over another time. xD

...ah well.

Finally, some jokes I haven't heard before. :)