Losing the will to live Options

[IfICouldEscape]

Basically got no friends, no girlfriend, the one I want I can't have, I can't get over, someone spread a rumour about me, not true, feel like shit, I bottle it in my room every day, noone I feel like I want to turn to despite my parents being fine and that, don't socialise, depressed.

How do people make friends lol? All the people at my school I just don't like, or they don't like me, I have developed social anxiety, basically I fear talking to people now, never know what to say, feel as if I'm being judged, I can't break the ice, it takes me agessssssssss to get to know someone properly to the point where when I walk by them I can stop and talk and not just walk by either ignoring them or just nodding my head. I haven't been able to get to that point apart from 1 person who I hold to my heart as a real close friend. I never know how to take a friendship further after the first meeting or two, with me it just seems like they become nodding pals after a while and I'm just thinking what am I doing wrong excluding the rumour but in different environments. I start to think I'm just such a boring person when they meet me. I find that there's nothing for me to see someone for after the first meeting point or 2/3 etc. I feel like a stranger to them and don't seem to build and connections. Sometimes I just talk to them for the sake of not looking like a loner but really I'm just bored of them and vice versa most likely. I'm starting to feel anxiety when I talk to people I hardly ever do or when meeting people for the first time. That way I find it more comfortable to just avoid talking to people all together, I even avoid talking to anyone really, at least I feel calmer. I seriously don't know what to say to break the ice, it really affects me. Any suggestions, thanks in advance.