Problem Poetry, Advice? Options

[motherdahlia]

One of the major frustrations with poetry is that I can't stand it when my poems come off as corny, cliché, or too emo. When I rhyme, it feels too forced. When I don't, it seems too jumbled. When I write about something depressing, it seems too emotional. Too fake. Too insignificant.

I want people to be honest. Is this poem corny, cliché, too emo? Seriously.

Churning in my mind
Will I change or will I be the same
Breathless breathless heart beats fast
This lust might just be fear
Can you see it?
Do you care for it?

Making up for time
Will it mend or will I stay broken
Horror horror cold blows by
This pain might just be real
Can you see it?
Do you care for it?

Breaking shattered down
Will I stand or will I fall
Awful awful fill this hole
This emptiness is brutal
Can you see it?
Do you care for it?

Personally, I think it's too...something. I don't feel anything from it. Does anyone have any tips on how to get real, raw emotion into a poem, so you can feel the life in it? It's so frustrating.

[AngelinaTaylor]

Stop using overused words. Use words you don't normally use in your everyday vocab. It will make your poetry stand out. I mean, I see so many poems like:

Oh my god, I cry
no matter how hard I try
I'll always feel the pain
and the touch of rain

or something. Of course, yours is nothing like that, but I'm talking in terms of cliches etc. Use more metaphors, more imagery. Read more - you'll improve greatly.