rapture/failure, my sad song |
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 Jun 10 2004, 08:55 PM
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#1
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 LunchboxXx  Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810  |
I howl at the moon like a wolf
But I lust for more than fresh blood It’s a thing that everyone wants But only the ingrates receive …And I beg for you I beg for you from dusk to dawn I grovel to fate for your hand It’s to you I belong And it’s all I know anymore Just the want for your want The want for you But in your heart I am long forgotten So close yet non existent Anymore What I once had Is what I will kill for… I’m too lost in your wake I’m still in disbeliefe I’m still in a smoldering rut Trying to claw my way out Of the loss of you As near as my heart But now gone forever. Once a soul on fire Now laying, dying, in flames I stand here, alone Abandoned by design Sun sent illumination Manuscripts shine The truth of the matter Our two souls entail Praying for rapture Destined to fail This girl is not grey But blacker than 2000 nights Put together The needle and thread sewn it tight As it did mine to you But not you sewn to mine Just a frayed tangent lost in the shadow of the divine I stand here, alone Abandoned by design Sun sent illumination Manuscripts shine The truth of the matter Our two souls entail I’m praying for rapture But destined to fail As a bug to your boot Was as I to your love Left my heart in the hand Of a meat cutter’s glove As a grain of sugar To your mountain of salt I need not you convince Me that I am to fault I stand here, alone Abandoned by design Sun sent illumination Manuscripts shine The truth of the matter Our two souls entail I’m praying for rapture Destined to fail So I stand here without A shoulder to cry on Too living to die Too dead to move on The truth of the matter I scream to entwine With your heart but, of course You’re too great to be mine I’m a failure! |
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Jun 10 2004, 09:24 PM
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#2
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LunchboxXx Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810 |
haha. it's too long so no one likes it. hehe
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Jun 10 2004, 11:54 PM
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#3
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 3,077 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,904 |
Wow that was awesome man... But the last line kinda ruined it. Too 'loud' to me. You should ended it with some sad. I mean that line was sad but just not the way you write it.
Nice usage of words though, I like. 
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Jun 11 2004, 12:09 AM
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#4
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LunchboxXx Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810 |
so you want me to not have a ! there?
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Jun 11 2004, 12:18 AM
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#5
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 3,077 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,904 |
It might look better if you replaced the exclamation mark with '...' but that's me. And this is yours...
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Jun 11 2004, 12:21 AM
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#6
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LunchboxXx Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810 |
well it's not one of those acoustic, emo, sad songs. it's one of those metal, ehavy, angry sad songs which the verses are moreso build up to an incredibly chorus.
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Jun 11 2004, 12:29 AM
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#7
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 3,077 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,904 |
Oh I didn't read the title... I thought it was a poem! Oh then it's completely cool.
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Jun 11 2004, 01:00 PM
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#8
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 kristin Group: Member Posts: 5,705 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,985 |
thats amazing...
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Jun 12 2004, 12:11 AM
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#9
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LunchboxXx Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810 |
thank you!
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Jun 14 2004, 10:57 PM
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#10
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 125 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,140 |
wow awsome, nice job man
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Jun 15 2004, 03:18 AM
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#11
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 ::destroy ure tv:: Group: Member Posts: 149 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,005 |
man. women can suck sometimes cant they.
anyway, nice work dude. |
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Jun 15 2004, 06:20 PM
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#12
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 spiCy* Group: Member Posts: 38 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 21,758 |
that was great. did u write the music for it??? ill bet it sounds wicked good. :-D
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| *Kathleen* |
Jun 15 2004, 07:36 PM
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#13
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Guest |
Ahh I gotta hear that sometime, Lunchbox!
QUOTE This girl is not grey Haha could that be a reference to AFI? 
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