Uh-oh. He went too far. Options

[ksoyeah]

Not sure if this goes in Relationships or not...so here goes nothing...

So, I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a month, and a few days ago, he went a little too far. We were normaly kissing, which lead to making out, which then lead to him just sticking his tongue in my mouth, when touching my butt.

I'm not sure what's going on. I told him I didn't appreciate it. I'm not that kind of girl to do anything like that. I didn't talk to him yesterday, but he had two of his best friends come talk to me because he didn't know what to do. His friends told him to apologize, but he hasn't.

I'm extremely upset with him, and I'm contemplating breaking up with him, since he didn't respect my wishes.

Do you girls [[or guys, haha.]] have any advice?

[-sincerely]

well, before you break up with him [possibly], BEFORE he tounged/touched you, did he KNOW you don't like it?

because i'm not sure if you told him before or after from this post....

[ksoyeah]

Yes, I've told him my limits. He's older than me [[I know age doesn't matter]] and he knows that I'm not..."experienced" and that I'm a pretty conservative girl.

[niciDOOM]

if you dont like those kinds of things
then why do you have a boyfriend?

[ksoyeah]

I like having a boyfriend to talk to. Someone that I can always rely on when things are tough. Someone that I like that likes me back to make me feel better when I'm feeling down.

Having a boyfriend doesn't mean sex 24/7...:[

[tokyo-rose]

I don't think you should break up with him over this. He could have done worse things like trying to take your pants off or something. Give him another warning and tell him that you're not comfortable with him touching you like that. Allow him a second chance and if he does it again, then consider breaking up with him.

[niciDOOM]

i wasnt saying that relationships is about sex
i was just saying that he's gonna bound to get
physical sometimes since hes a guy.
i mean you cant get mad at him everytime..

[murderwaltz]

i think you're over-exaggerating a bit. you can't blame him for touching your ass, he's a guy. & if you break up with him over this, to be honest.. it's kind of sad. just give him another chance or warning. you can't just look at it with your own view, you have to know his as well.

[me1issaaaa]

It's not sex, it's just making out. But, if it bother you that much, just tell him you don't want to go that far. It's not that hard.

And, it sounds like you want a best friend instead of a boyfriend.

[SimplicityGirl]

What are your limits? o.O Making out and touching your ass isn't much.

I don't think you should break up with him over this. It's pretty minor. But if it bothers you, then you should maybe go have a talk with him about it. Relationships don't equal to sex, but when you think about it, no relationships is ever without some sex. He's a guy, and older than you, so he's bound to get physical with you at one point or another. It's natural.

Edit: Just read your post on "Worse Sexual Experience Ever" You said that he was kissing you, touched your butt, put his hand up your shirt and tried to French. You didn't quite say all that in this thread. In this thread, I was under the impression that you guys were kissing and making out, and he was Frenching you while touching your ass...you didn't say anything about his hand up your shirt.

In any case, I still think what he did isn't really all that bad. He is your boyfriend. He has raging hormones. Which lead to urges. Which leads to him wanting to touch you. I think you're just over exaggerating the whole situation. I don't know why you want him to apologize. It's not like he really did a lot of things wrong. Not respecting your wishes yes, but ever thought about that maybe when you're all over him, and kissing and making out, he'd naturally assume you'd want more? That's call being caught up in the moment.

Just have a talk with him and let it go. Breaking up over this is really stupid.

And if you didn't want to get physical, why get a boyfriend?o.O I'm sure any good friend, guy or girl, could be there for you when things are down, and to cheer you up.

[pkbabe]

Thats nothing! When I was with my ex & I would try to just hug him, he automatically shoves his hand down my pants & shove his fingers "in". Talk about weird when all I was doing was huggin him & trying to say hello. That a-hole...too far

[angelrevelation]

Was it the first time? Did you tell him when you first went out that you weren't comfortable with that stuff?

If he didn't know, then it's not really his fault unless he kept on doing it...

[*suddenly she*]

If you didn't like it, why did you let it go on? The moment he started doing any of that, you should've pushed him away.

If you're not able to take control of a situation like that, then find a boyfriend that's more tame or just don't get in a relationship at all.

Having a boyfriend doesn't mean sex 24/7...:[

True.

But have you had sex? From what your thread implies, no, you haven't, so this isn't relevant. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop acting stupid.

Take charge of the damn situation. You shouldn't be putting up with his little messengers. He should be confronting you himself, or vice versa.

Andyeah, this should be in Relationships.

[Simba]

Andyeah, this should be in Relationships.

Indeed.

Moved to Relationships

[*My Cinderella.*]

I think you should weigh the situation. I don't think you should break up with him just because of that. I mean, I can understand that you were uncomfortable--but if you didn't like it, you should have spoke up about it. Talk to him about how it made you feel and tell him that you want to take things slow and however you feel.

[minioligo]

Not sure if this goes in Relationships or not...so here goes nothing...

So, I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a month, and a few days ago, he went a little too far. We were normaly kissing, which lead to making out, which then lead to him just sticking his tongue in my mouth, when touching my butt.

I'm not sure what's going on. I told him I didn't appreciate it. I'm not that kind of girl to do anything like that. I didn't talk to him yesterday, but he had two of his best friends come talk to me because he didn't know what to do. His friends told him to apologize, but he hasn't.

I'm extremely upset with him, and I'm contemplating breaking up with him, since he didn't respect my wishes.

Do you girls [[or guys, haha.]] have any advice?

When he was doing those things to you, you should have told him to stop and slow down. I know you told him beforehand that you didn't appreciate it, but c'mon...he's a guy. They're all like that, yeah? Getting 'caught up in the moment' and such. Of course, you're probably upset that he hasn't come up and talked to you yet...but have you even considered talking to him? At least he's considerate enough to get his friends to talk to you about it as well, you know? (Some guys are total assholes and just leave you right after.) Take control of the situation because you can't always rely on the other to do so. I understand you're extremely conservative (I am as well), but I think contemplating breaking up with him is a bit extreme. Perhaps saying "....since he didn't respect my wishes" threw me off a little too.

[michellerrific]

don't break up over this or get into an argument about it. if you didn't like it, did you speak up? it's not like you're going to let him walk all over you and do whatever he wants. just let him know how you feel. a good boyfriend should be able to understand that.

[Kontroll]

More tongue equals less passion.

Don't get all upset about it. What if you were married? If he did something you didn't like, would you divorce him? No. THat's just dumb. Talk about it and let it go.

[alysaphobia]

if he went a little too far, i'd say you have a right to be upset... just not upset with HIM.
he may just not have understood your boundaries 100%.
i think you should talk with him, ignoring him is not going to solve anything.
tell him how you're uncomfortable with moving past kissing.

[troublemaker36]

like everyone else said..thats not worth breaking up over. if you want a boyfriend then you need to get used to this kinda stuff. and i dont mean that you have to do it just because thats what he wants..or that you should have to give yourself up, i just mean that almost every guy you date is gunna try something sooner or later, so dont be surprised.

and no offence, but if your way of dealing with problems is ignoring him all day, then i dont think your mature enough to be in a relationship at all. it takes work..blowing him off will not solve your problems.

[pinacoolada]

And, it sounds like you want a best friend instead of a boyfriend.

I agree. Boyfriends are not just people to lean on when you're feeling down etc. That's certainly part of the package, but there's so much more to a relationship than just that.

And breaking up with him over that is quite shallow.
Talk to him calmly about it

[luckylifex]

Agreed with pretty much what everyone else is saying.
I don't think something like that is worth breaking up with him over.
So talk to him about it. Communication is the key to any good relationship.

[LOWinSKANK]

I like having a boyfriend to talk to. Someone that I can always rely on when things are tough. Someone that I like that likes me back to make me feel better when I'm feeling down.

you can get this with a friendship if you`re not ready for the intimate part.


he`s a guy. and if you two don`t have the same values, you shouldn`t be dating because there will ALWAYS be pressure from one of you, &in this case it`s from him.

[y0urelectrikk]

but when you think about it, no relationships is ever without some sex.

that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

[*Uronacid*]

Not sure if this goes in Relationships or not...so here goes nothing...

Yeah, this goes in the relationships section.. :]

So, I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a month, and a few days ago, he went a little too far. We were normaly kissing, which lead to making out, which then lead to him just sticking his tongue in my mouth, when touching my butt.

This isn't that bad. If you're going to start "normally kissing", then you should expect it to lead to more.

I'm not sure what's going on. I told him I didn't appreciate it. I'm not that kind of girl to do anything like that. I didn't talk to him yesterday, but he had two of his best friends come talk to me because he didn't know what to do. His friends told him to apologize, but he hasn't.

You could have stopped him, so don't act like it's all his fault. You did do something like that. You allowed him to do it, you allowing him to do it is just as bad as him doing it. If you didn't appreciate it you should have to him to stop shoving his tongue down your throat before he touched your butt.

I'm extremely upset with him, and I'm contemplating breaking up with him, since he didn't respect my wishes.

You sound extremely selfish when you say this. As if it's all his fault. I get the impression that you don't want to admit you could be wrong, and you're placing all the blame on him because you feel guilty for taking part in something that you have been raised to believe is "morally wrong". Have you ever heard of the saying, "it takes two to tango." He couldn't have done those things without you. Yeah, from the sounds of it. He was just doing what he thought was "conservative", and your definition of "conservative" was totally different. I think that you need to more clearly define your boundaries before you "discipline" him.

Do you girls [[or guys, haha.]] have any advice?

My advice:

It's not all his fault so quit placing all the blame on him. If you aren't ready to get physical then You shouldn't get physical at all. If you're making out with someone they are going to touch your body, and if you don't want anything like that to happen then you need to avoid a situation where that can happen. Don't start kissing up on each other while you're alone. That's the bottom line. You need to apologize to your boyfriend, and clearly state your boundaries.

I think it's odd how you laugh at the thought of guys giving you advice... it's as if you think guys are inferior. I think this mind-set well cause a lot of relationship problems in the future. You should remove this idea from your brain. Guys are equal to girls, and visa versa. If you don't think of your partner as an equal you probably won't have a very healthy relationship. (unless you're a lesbian)

Relationships don't equal to sex, but when you think about it, no relationships is ever without some sex. He's a guy, and older than you, so he's bound to get physical with you at one point or another. It's natural.

This is true, it's human instinct to enjoy sexual contact. (doesn't necessarily mean your having sex.)