Boys, I have a few questions. Options

[me1issaaaa]

Okay, guys. Let's just say you're a senior, and Prom is coming up. You ask a junior girl to go with you, and she says yes. You go and have an incredible time, and along the way, you two become a couple. You become super close, you spend a lot of time together, you grow to love each other more with everyday. Everything seems perfect, for the most part.

Flash forward about a year.

It's the girl's time to shine for her senior Prom. You two have been together for nearly a year, about 11 months. For the longest time, the two of you have been planning on going together, and then all of a sudden, two months before Prom, you decide you don't want to go. You don't want to have anything to do with Prom. Naturally, the girl is pretty upset... this is her only senior prom she is ever going to get, and you back out of it completely. After all, all the girl really wanted to do was spend Prom with the one person who means the most to her.

And, to top it off, you don't want her to dance with another guy, or you're "done for good".


Um... is the girl overreacting? Or is the guy just a COMPLETE dumbass?

[Comptine]

to be honest... the girl doesn't really need a guy for prom. it's her senior prom and it's about her&her friends. obviously, the guy graduated so it isn't important to him.

the girl shouldn't depend on the guy to be happy&have fun at her prom. go with her friends. socialize. and as for the dancing with other guys, tell him to get over it. if she's going to prom, she isn't going to be a wallflower. she just needs to assure him that it ain't going to be dirty dancing.

sorry, i'm not a guy.

[*stephinika*]

Aw Melissa... It's funny cause I went through something semi-similar...he wasn't a year older but at the beginning of the year he was so excited with me, but then when the time came he was such a dumbass about it and didn't even want to go...and it was his own! Stupid kid.

But anyways, in my opinion, he's being inconsiderate. Do you know why he doesn't want to, or what? Talk to him about it...I know its kinda lame advice, but at this point I think that's all you can do. Good luck!

[*suddenly she*]

Im not a guy, but this girl is definitely not overreacting and the guy sounds ridiculously inconsiderate.

And for some reason the apostrophe key triggers the search function, so pardon the mistake.

[soulgetpast]

haha im a guy and i think i know exactly what hes thinking

but that wouldnt make you happy if i told you

so i say you play it out like whatever and
not mention anything to him about it and
ask him later

[*xcaitlinx*]

that guy is a complete a-hole because he clearly doesn't care about how you feel. if i were you, i would break up with him because i'd rather be single and go to prom and atleast have a good time with my friends than stay with him, go alone, and have a horrible time. it's PROM! don't let him ruin it for you. if he's unwilling to do this for you when you were there for him for his prom, then he isn't worth the time of day.

[mouse_3k]

the guy is bein an ass. i say if the girl wanna go, she should go with another guy if her boyfriend dont wanna go

[Kontroll]

Okay, guys. Let's just say you're a senior, and Prom is coming up. You ask a junior girl to go with you, and she says yes. You go and have an incredible time, and along the way, you two become a couple. You become super close, you spend a lot of time together, you grow to love each other more with everyday. Everything seems perfect, for the most part.

Flash forward about a year.

It's the girl's time to shine for her senior Prom. You two have been together for nearly a year, about 11 months. For the longest time, the two of you have been planning on going together, and then all of a sudden, two months before Prom, you decide you don't want to go. You don't want to have anything to do with Prom. Naturally, the girl is pretty upset... this is her only senior prom she is ever going to get, and you back out of it completely. After all, all the girl really wanted to do was spend Prom with the one person who means the most to her.

And, to top it off, you don't want her to dance with another guy, or you're "done for good".
Um... is the girl overreacting? Or is the guy just a COMPLETE dumbass?

Why does everyone use the third person perspective?

If he doesn't want to go, dont' force him. It's just prom. I never had a prom, so you'll live.

[BOOGERSHAHA]

i think he should suck it up! it's prom, okay? PROM. at my school, almost nobody went alone. and i'm assuming most, if not all, your girl friends are going to have dates as well? it'll be awkward if you don't have a date.

he's being very inconsiderate. what reason does he not want to go to prom? it's one night, and he'll make you really happy if he goes. geeze...guilt him. he really should be going with you. if he utterly cannot make it (family emergency, but that doesn't sound like theres an emergency there), he should allow you to go with another guy. that's what my boyfriend did, because we were long distance and he couldn't make it back for prom. and things were just fine.

haha sorry, i'm a really big fan of prom...

[me1issaaaa]

I'm a fan of third person, thank you.

Last night we really got into it. I didn't mean to start a fight, I had no idea he would blow up the way he did, but he basically got off the phone with me literally screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO f**king GO. I'm not married, Jesus Christ. I want to feel free, I'm f**king 18 years old."

I am seriously taking into consideration that he could maybe have some issues going in in his head that he's failed to mention at any point in our year-long relationship. Like, anger problems? It's one freaking night. I respect his decision of not wanting to go. I'm not going to force him. I just don't understand how he could blame me for expecting to go... isn't it just kind of a given? And I certainly don't understand why it's so hard for him to give me a reason as to why he doesn't want to go. Like I said, if he doesn't want to go, fine. But in the two months he's pushed away any kind of conversation that has the slightest bit to do with prom, he has never given a reason why. I think that's what gets me most. Oh, and the fact that he was so ugly to me. There is no reason to use that kind of language and that tone of voice to someone you "love".

[BOOGERSHAHA]

that was completely uncalled for. i always got really angry at my boyfriend when he cursed at me, because seriously, it's just out of line.

have you tried guilting him? it's not nice, but sometimes it works...
"sniff, but...i'm a girl and it's my senior prom. sniff it's okay if you don't want to go, but sniff, it'll mean a lot to me..."

[angelrevelation]

0_0 I would be so mad! I mean, is it really that much for him to do? It's just one night, and it's extremely important to you...

[Ington]

Are we getting the full perspective here or only yours?

Quite honestly, I side with your position, the guy is overreacting and should definitely go with you. However, something feels strange about this. I'm a guy, and I have a girlfriend, who sometimes feels like I'm a completely horrible person for something without taking into account my point of view. For example, my girlfriend wanted me to join Yearbook with her instead of join a club I actually wanted to go to. I refused to go to Yearbook. She got mad. I didn't care. She was mad because she wanted to be with me there, which was nice of her, but she didn't care about my aspirations at all at that moment.

Thus, I have to request that you give us some details about why he suddenly didn't want to go. Did you pester him about it? Did you make him uncomfortable about something (ie: how he dances, how he should act and what he does wrong, etc)? I don't mean do sound like I side with him, because I don't, I just want the entire story before I assume anything.

[me1issaaaa]

Are we getting the full perspective here or only yours?

Quite honestly, I side with your position, the guy is overreacting and should definitely go with you. However, something feels strange about this. I'm a guy, and I have a girlfriend, who sometimes feels like I'm a completely horrible person for something without taking into account my point of view. For example, my girlfriend wanted me to join Yearbook with her instead of join a club I actually wanted to go to. I refused to go to Yearbook. She got mad. I didn't care. She was mad because she wanted to be with me there, which was nice of her, but she didn't care about my aspirations at all at that moment.

Thus, I have to request that you give us some details about why he suddenly didn't want to go. Did you pester him about it? Did you make him uncomfortable about something (ie: how he dances, how he should act and what he does wrong, etc)? I don't mean do sound like I side with him, because I don't, I just want the entire story before I assume anything.

That's just it, I don't know why he suddenly decided he didn't want to go. I don't know his perspective, because he won't tell me. No clue. It's driving me up a wall. For months and months we'd talked about how much fun it would be. And we've always complimented each other on everything when it comes to dancing... we do it damn well, I must say. So I don't get why it's such a big deal and why he thinks it's such a commitment, which it really isn't. One night, 4 hours tops, and I already told him we don't have to do all of the fluff like get a limo and do dinner and everything. I could care less about all of that.

A month or two back, he told his family that we'd been bckering about it. I've always gotten along with all of his family, I love them and they seem to have liked me. Anyway, he told them that I wanted him to go to Prom with me, and they were like, "WHAT?! Why are you going to prom?! That's a little high school, isn't it?" [Umm... you were just in high school less than a year ago, idiot. It's not like you're 25 or something.] I was really shocked when he told me that they thought it was a bad idea.

It's basically a lose-lose situation for me. If he doesn't go, I'm going to have a bad time and wish he was there with me; whether I have another date or not, it won't be with the only person I wanted to spend it with. If he does a complete 180 turnabout and does go, I'll still have a bad time, because I know he doesn't want to be there. I'm starting to think it's just not worth it... we had a great time last year. I've been to Prom once, I spent it with the person I wanted to, it was incredible. I'm thinking of just leaving it on a high note and skipping this year, without all of the negatives from this year's. I'm not sure yet, I've got a lot of stuff to figure out.

[Bonobo]

The guys being an a-hole end of story

[mytangerine]

I'm a fan of third person, thank you.

Last night we really got into it. I didn't mean to start a fight, I had no idea he would blow up the way he did, but he basically got off the phone with me literally screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO f**king GO. I'm not married, Jesus Christ. I want to feel free, I'm f**king 18 years old."

I am seriously taking into consideration that he could maybe have some issues going in in his head that he's failed to mention at any point in our year-long relationship. Like, anger problems? It's one freaking night. I respect his decision of not wanting to go. I'm not going to force him. I just don't understand how he could blame me for expecting to go... isn't it just kind of a given? And I certainly don't understand why it's so hard for him to give me a reason as to why he doesn't want to go. Like I said, if he doesn't want to go, fine. But in the two months he's pushed away any kind of conversation that has the slightest bit to do with prom, he has never given a reason why. I think that's what gets me most. Oh, and the fact that he was so ugly to me. There is no reason to use that kind of language and that tone of voice to someone you "love".

perhaps there's another girl? or perhaps he is just questioning whether he wants to have a relationship at this point in his life. < i went through that, i was with my boyfriend for like a month & then i decided i didn't even want to date, i just want to experience life, as a single, explore my options, explore the world in general, ye know? [sorry for being kinda negative.. ]

[megggnasty]

I think it was a bad idea asking for guy's opinions because they obviously don't understand what Prom means to some people - haha. Prom is like the celebration of surviving high school and you want to be there for it with the ones you love, which obviously includes the guy you've been with for almost 2 years. I feel it's incredibly inconsiderate of him to not even try and recognize your feelings, and then to go and say that you can't dance with any other guys. Tell him how you feel about his decision. Though it's not a "I did this, so you have to do that" type of deal, you can still point out that you happily went with him to his Prom and he should do the same for you if he cares how you feel.

It also makes sense to consider his feelings, too. I know I would be uncomfortable going back in time to my old high school with people I don't know. But honestly, if he really cares about your feelings then I don't see why he wouldn't go. He's also older now and I think he needs to recognize that you put yourself out by going to his older Prom and he should do the same for you.

[me1issaaaa]

To answer a few points, he was extremely popular in high school. Everybody knew him, in pretty much every grade, so it's not like I'd be the only person he knew. He would know the majority of the people there. And I don't think there's another girl - we catch up pretty much every hour or two on the phone, and he's always busy with work and school, and I know he's an extremely honest person and he would never have the heart to hurt me, or any other girl for that matter.

I kind of understand where he's coming from, but there's still a few parts where the ends just don't meet.

Thanks for everyone's input, I appreciate it.

[Ington]

I truly and honestly don't believe that he's in any way cheating on you, and that this doesn't involve another girl at all. My instinct tells me that something happened when his family saw that he was going to another prom during their conversations that he doesn't want to tell you. It might be something that he's ashamed of, like if his mom doesn't approve of him going to two proms as it may be viewed as a 'waste of money' by her part. She may think that you two already went last year, and that it should be enough and you don't need to go again.

That can happen when family and love conflict with one another.

If this isn't the case, you can be sure he's ashamed of something. A guy would leave signs if he really just didn't want to go, but if he's ashamed he'd try to avoid it completely, so that the reason would never be realized.

[RAWRstephishere]

Complete dumbass.

[Aerjae]

the guy is stupid and mean. let the girl go. her only senior prom. let her go with some guy and get drunk. it's his fault for not going.

[goodcharlotte]

Even if he doesn't want to go why can't you dance with another guy? Is he paranoid or overprotective? I guess they go hand but still.

[Comptine]

That's just it, I don't know why he suddenly decided he didn't want to go. I don't know his perspective, because he won't tell me. No clue. It's driving me up a wall. For months and months we'd talked about how much fun it would be. And we've always complimented each other on everything when it comes to dancing... we do it damn well, I must say. So I don't get why it's such a big deal and why he thinks it's such a commitment, which it really isn't. One night, 4 hours tops, and I already told him we don't have to do all of the fluff like get a limo and do dinner and everything. I could care less about all of that.

A month or two back, he told his family that we'd been bckering about it. I've always gotten along with all of his family, I love them and they seem to have liked me. Anyway, he told them that I wanted him to go to Prom with me, and they were like, "WHAT?! Why are you going to prom?! That's a little high school, isn't it?" [Umm... you were just in high school less than a year ago, idiot. It's not like you're 25 or something.] I was really shocked when he told me that they thought it was a bad idea.

It's basically a lose-lose situation for me. If he doesn't go, I'm going to have a bad time and wish he was there with me; whether I have another date or not, it won't be with the only person I wanted to spend it with. If he does a complete 180 turnabout and does go, I'll still have a bad time, because I know he doesn't want to be there. I'm starting to think it's just not worth it... we had a great time last year. I've been to Prom once, I spent it with the person I wanted to, it was incredible. I'm thinking of just leaving it on a high note and skipping this year, without all of the negatives from this year's. I'm not sure yet, I've got a lot of stuff to figure out.

prom isn't just a dance. it's one of the last opportunities you get to spend with all your friends and be high school. yes, you want your boyfriend to go. but you can also hang out with your friends and still have fun.

i suggest you don't push it anymore cause it seems to really bother him. however, do make it clear that you still want to go to prom and that you're going to dance with your friends, whether male or female.

go have fun! it's YOUR senior year. YOUR prom. don't let him ruin it for you.

[MrStrife]

Unfair because you went with him on his and he can't do the same. Where's the equality? Oh well, just go with your close friends and go crazy.

[bambamboozle]

He's being unfair since he won't let you go and then won't let you dance with anybody either.

If I were you I'd give him some space first. If he doesn't chill out after a little just tell him that if he won't go with you, you're dancing with someone else, if he doesn't want you to dance with someone else, then he should come with you. Make him decide which is more important- not going and you being with someone else OR being with you.