When your bestfriend hurts you., What do you do? Options

[Chanfleh]

I'm just going to take advantage of this forum and seek for some advice, because none of my friends give any good advice. I posted this in the "Message to anyone" topic, and that just made me even more desperate for some good advice. If after this you still don't get the situation let me know and I'll reply with a more explained version of whats been happening.

"I hate you for kissing me while you've been kissing her. I understand you weren't playing her or me because you weren't in a relationship, but you're not like this. You like to feel loved, and you'd screw over the people who have been there for you the most just so you could satisfy your needs. You just met the other girl, the one you've been kissing behind my back, the one that you asked to be your girlfriend on valentines day, she will screw you over. I can feel it. Me, I would never do that. I've dried your tears, I've seen you at your worst. She's only seen your fake smiles. But, of course, when I cry you can't be there for me because you caused those tears. You said you didn't give me the chance to be your girlfriend because I caused conflicts, well dumb ass, the conflicts were before you kissed me, so you damn well knew what you were getting yourself into. If you had some common sense, you wouldn't have ruined my Christmas Eve and my New Years day by kissing me. You had intentions to ask me out, but you also had intentions to ask her out. You knew you were going to disappoint one or the other, so why didn't you make up your mind BEFORE kissing us?

No, I'm not over it. I had the perfect plans for Valentine's Day, for the both of us, and I never had the chance. I'm still hurt, and I still love you.

and when you're cutting your wrist again for being in yet again another unsuccessful relationship, I wont be there for you. You had your chance for a GOOD relationship, and you passed it.

Also you dumb ass, she's moving this year. What's the big deal? That's what happened with the last girlfriend, she moved. And that year was the worst year of your life, and I went through each of your emotions with you, because what you felt I felt. The last one wasn't your fault, but you KNOW this ones moving. So why do this? Because you can just move on to me after she moves? F**k you. This time, I'm not helping you. I'm not going to be the shoulder you cry on, and I'm not going to comfort you. I don't care if I still give the "best" hugs. You've got a girlfriend for that and more.

Best friends don't do this to each other. You've changed a-hole. What happened to the sweet, caring guy I knew and loved?"

What confuses me is, he isn't like this. He wasn't into the Friend With Benefits scene until the end of last year. The worst part about it is, a couple days before Christmas Eve - the first time he kissed me - the OTHER girl he was kissing TOLD me that they kissed. So I found out about them from HER. He didn't like my reaction on Christmas Eve when he tried to kiss me, but what can I do when I know that he's kissing this other chick? I don't know what to do. He WAS my best friend, but he's just changed. He's not like this. I'm not over it, and I don't want to just throw him away. He was my first kiss and everything, and I never wanted it to be like this, now someone else's boyfriend. How do I get over this?

Now I know some of you will tell me "He wasn't your best friend in the first place since he did this to you." but I really don't want to hear that, because we had such a perfect friendship until this happened.

I don't think he likes the fact that I'm the only girl that has the guts to confront him about situations. That's why he'll call them "conflicts."

I hope this wasn't too boring ;/ and thanks in advance to anyone who replies, or read this, but I need some help.. I'm still hurt about it and can't get over it.

[pkbabe]

Hmmm...since no1 has replied I guess I will. So the guy basically played the game of FWB(friends with benefits) with you & another girl but chose her instead? Am I getting this right?

Anyways, you also mention he only started to change sometime last year(which involved his ex). I guess from everything you've said here I think hes just trying to feel that "warm & fuzzy" loving feeling without having to go through a relationship where he can get hurt. Probably why he chose the other girl cuz he knows it has no future & expects it to not last. While you cause "conflict". Perhaps he doesn't want to lose you as a friend but at the same time he uses you for comfort when he is lonely. Only advice I can give you is be there, but don't go too far as kissing him again. Resist that! maybe stop hanging out with him & just keep minimal contact with phone(preferebly txt) & IM/email. I know its not that even good advice but I hope things work out...whatever happens

[*Uronacid*]

Alright, so lemme see, you nursed some guy back to "mental" health, and you're upset because you had feelings for him, he kissed you, he kissed another girl (while you weren't dating), and then he went out with another girl.

You kept talking about conflict... what conflicts did you have?

[RAWRstephishere]

Shoot them in the face.

Not really.

[Chanfleh]

Thanks, Camcha. I'll keep minimal talk with him. Maybe see him every now and then, but not as much as I do now, or did. Just so the friendship wont go completely dead.

Uronacid, yes you got it, but I mean, he's not that type of guy. Since his Ex, he just has been wanting to feel loved. and now that he's over her, while I helped him through the process of moving on, and the other chick just stood around and looked pretty, he goes for her, and leaves me behind. He liked the both of us, but I guess he liked her more.

Well, whenever I confronted him about something like, for example, kissing two girls behind each others back, he would go off, insult himself, bring things up from his past, and we would just go back and forth discussing about what he's doing. He wants the last word, he wants to be right. He doesn't realize what he's doing and doesn't change his ways, so of course it's going to come back to us and we're going to discuss it again.

Then, he sends me a text in the morning of my birthday saying something about how he feels that he's always hurting me so he's just going to let go of me. I'm just like, what the hell. We discussed that. He apologized, and said he takes it back.

Notice how I haven't used the word argue, it's because we're really discussing it but he just likes to call it a "conflict"

He feels that I'm attacking him, but really, all I am is letting him know what he's doing, I'm not trying to argue with him, or as he says, "bring out the worst in him". He doesn't take what I say into consideration, it's like he forgets and he does what hurts me anyways. But actual conflicts, and not discussions, have been because of us not happening. Ever since this girl made an appearance, I was scared to lose him.

and RAWR, I wish. Well no not really. I've thought of slapping him, but no.

[pkbabe]

Oh! Get a hobby/job that keeps you REALLY busy so you're sure to not spend as much time with him/talk to him. Thats what I'm currently doing to prevent myself from having another bf & also to get my mind of my former "guy"(we were only dating...not bf/gf) that broke it off with me just yesterday. Sure it sorta hurt but its understandable why he did it. So yea...good thing about it is that your cell minutes isn't burned with overrages, you live stress free from the hobby/ get money from the job where you can make yourself a mini party (just a bunch of junk food,video games/movies & you. Maybe with siblings...thats what I do) its simple but fun!

[Chanfleh]

Thanks for the advice Camcha, I like the sound of a Mini party :) I'll definitely do that, have some quality me time. I haven't had any since I met the guy.

But iunno, I don't think that's going to do the trick of getting over it. Friend's always talking about him and his new girlfriend, and he's a completely different school. One of them is his best guy friend and also a "close" guy friend of mines, but he's so insensitive to my feelings. He talks about them so casually right in front of me.

I mean, I've told him how I felt about this but he really doesn't do anything about it ;\
He's told me he's cared, he's told me he wasn't using me, he's told me his intentions were not to have a fling with me but an actual relationship, but he never proved it to me, and he never can now. and I'm in a "I want him out of my life but I don't" situation.