How long did you stay friends with someone before you decided to take it to the next level(relationship)? Options

[pkbabe]

I was just wondering because I am pretty new at this "be friends 1st & then consinder relationship" thingy (yes I said "thingy". Get over it. Its 1 of many overused words I like )because before I usually just talk to the guy for about 2-3 weeks & then go out with them. Of course that didn't work out because I'm single now so I wanted to take the "friends 1st" approach instead.

So basically, what is an appropriate time to consinder the status of a possible "relationship"?

Talking about your past experience on this is welcome too

[angelrevelation]

err, well there isn't a set appropriate time. it depends how comfortable you are with each other, and that can happen very quickly or it can develop over the years.

there's my close guy friend i've known since 5th grade... and i'm just starting to pooosibly have feelings for him.
but if you already like this guy, I'd say get to know him pretty well (which can maybe 3 months or so?) before you dive in. but then again, it all depends. If you get the feeling he likes you already, go for it.

[Mikhayl Wilson]

I agree with ^^..... There isn't really a set time. You just have to become friends..... and let it go from there. W/e you do. just take it steady. and remember that not all friendships end up with dating.... good luck

[Cujiine]

Ermm.... Well I was friends with my current bf for like my entire life but he's been crushing on my since I was 6... which I'm a bit sad about because he's liked me for so long and when I was with my last bf he got all depressed and went out with a couple of girls who he didn't like that much and who didn't like him once they found out how much he plays video games.... but ummm just make sure you know as much about him as possible. No surprises.

[SimplicityGirl]

For my current boyfriend...
We knew each other for about 3 years
But only got to REALLY know each other in the last year
Liked him for about half a year
He liked me too
Now we're together

For my ex..heh that was a bit of a joke
Knew him for 3 days and we went out...
did not turn out great
Broke up
Not friends.

[krnxswat]

For about 5 months.

I met her for the first time at a church event on March 18th of 2005, and asked her out on August 8th, of 2005. However, prior to dating, we pretty much consumed our time talking on AIM and on the phones.

We're still together and have been together for one year, 18 months, and 5 days! :D

[pinacoolada]

I think it depends on the people.
I stayed friends with my bf for 4 months.. =P

[pkbabe]

but if you already like this guy, I'd say get to know him pretty well (which can maybe 3 months or so?) before you dive in. but then again, it all depends. If you get the feeling he likes you already, go for it.

Yes I like him & he likes me too thats the good thing. Were actually kinda romantically involved? I'm not totally sure of our status. We act like were dating but @ the same time we don't cuz we just call each other "friends". We've been "friends" for about a month. We have awkward/shy moments when we would say bye to each other until he moves in for a kiss. But the last we hung out he actually hugged me 1st & then the usual awkward/shy kiss

The age difference plays a big factor in this too. I am 19 & he just turned 27 last week. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but it is because when I try to have a conversation with him on AIM(he lives an hr away & he doesn't like talking on the phone) he seems kinda boring & is sorta a jerky. & by jerky I mean treating me like a lil kid & talking down @ me. But its strange because there are times when he can be sweet.

Heres a bit of stuff from our AIM conversations(when hes sweet):

Him: i like you..
Me: You do?
Me: REALLY?
Him: but yeah.. i think you're too inexperienced for me..


Him: i think you'll grow into a beautiful woman..
Him: right now you're in the process..
Him: that's maybe why..
Me: Cuz I'm not full grown?

Ok...so the sweetness is pretty much killed when he implies I'm not "full grown" yet.

When hes being jerky, he tells me that I talk too much(how the hell do you talk too much on AIM? Its AIM!!!) when I try to keep a conversation going. He tends to not reply alot. Also since we both know we like each other & stuff, he always mentioning how I can be 1 of his 2 gfs thats he always wanted because apparently hes more than I woman can handle(cocky jerk!) If thats his weird/twisted way of asking me out then of course I'm gonna deny him! For a grown man I didn't expect him to be playing games(or maybe hes just a jerk? Who knows..)like some immature teen...& I'M immature?! ha!

& our last AIM conversation was of me thinking about moving in with my mom(which is close to him) because of some personal issues & he seemed so determined to have me move closer to him. I ask if him wanthing me to move out had anything to do with him wanting me closer & all he said was that I don't seem happy @ home

and remember that not all friendships end up with dating.... good luck

I am very aware & I don't just want to be friends with him or wait too long because I would be stuck in the "friends zone" Blah

I'm sry I made this so long. I wanted to put details so my situation is easier to understand

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

I took me 1 month.

We are still together today after 1 year and 4 months. :-)

[krnxswat]

Heres a bit of stuff from our AIM conversations(when hes sweet):

Him: i like you..
Me: You do?
Me: REALLY?
Him: but yeah.. i think you're too inexperienced for me..
Him: i think you'll grow into a beautiful woman..
Him: right now you're in the process..
Him: that's maybe why..
Me: Cuz I'm not full grown?

Okay, I'm going to be a little blunt and honest with you.

You call that sweet?
To me, pathetic would be the more appropriate word.

There he is, 27 and all grown up. He's expressing his feelings to you OVER THE INTERNET.
I did that in like.. fourth grade.

Move on. He's too old for you.

[foreverNalways]

I think it really matters on the set of people.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year.. but we were best friends for about 4 years before.
Of course when we were just best friends we were 11 and it wasn't really a good idea to start dating then.. we waited until we were 15 and knew that we both really liked each other more than just best friends.. of course he is still my best friend.. just now boyfriend as well.

[pkbabe]

Okay, I'm going to be a little blunt and honest with you.

You call that sweet?
To me, pathetic would be the more appropriate word.

There he is, 27 and all grown up. He's expressing his feelings to you OVER THE INTERNET.
I did that in like.. fourth grade.

Move on. He's too old for you.

As weird as this seems, I do agree with you in the most part. The only reason I say its sweet its cuz thats the nicest hes ever been with me since hes either not talking or jerky the rest of the time.

& him "expressing his feelings online" is kinda lame too. He hates using the phone & hes always busy with either work or hanging out with friends. I would like to see him more often & talk on the phone for once but he rather talk on AIM so I just respect his wishes to talk on AIM

Yes! he is DEFINATELY too old for me! I mean he was my age when I was 12....12!!! Really, I've thought about it alot! Also how it would be like if we actually got together & how it would be extremely awkward for me. Especially meeting his fam & friends because I know they would most likely be judging me/look down at me.

Really...I have thought about this. I'm in conflict with myself! 1 side tells me to just move on but another wants to be with him. So its not easy for me to just move on like that. Only time will tell I suppose

[*Uronacid*]

There is no given rule... you should start when you both feel comfortable about being in a relationship together.


Here's my opinion:

• To me it sounds like you have been in a bunch of unsuccessful relationships leaving you way too desperate for a successful one. I think this because you said that the conversation posted above (keep in mind was not even in real life) was one of the few sweet things that he has ever said to you and when he's not saying sweet things he's either a jerk or not talking. When you stated those things, it really lead me to believe that you were setting for someone who is usually a jerk.
  
  Simply Put: (This guy sounds like a jerk.) + (You like him anyways.) = You are desperate
  
  Don't be desperate for a relationship. Find a quality man, don't worry about not finding someone at 19 years old (worry about it when you're 40).
  
• One thing I have learned throughout the course of my most recent relationship is: "You have to treat each other as equals no matter what your age is." He's treating you like a kid. Do you want a boyfriend or a father figure? It doesn't matter what age you were when he was your age. When I was five my girlfriend was dead. Does that matter, no, not if I treat her right.
  
• You said, "I'm in conflict with myself!"Don't jump into this thing unless both halves agree. Like I said, I think you're desperate for a relationship. It's that desperate half that's kicking in. Don't make the wrong choice.

[multifaceted]

^ There is nothing wrong with being single at 40, Josh.

For me, I really hold onto personality when choosing a boyfriend. If we talk a lot, like constantly, I would consider maybe about 3 years of being friends. For someone that I don't know that well or don't talk to so often, probably the minimum is 9 years. (Yes, it took me 9 years to think, "Okay. Maybe we can go to the next level.)

I guess you could say that I'm afraid of commitment. That's okay. I don't wish to be married.

[pkbabe]

Uronacid: I'm actually not trying to rush it. Well yes...ahh conflict! But I agree, I don't want to do anything major until I'm 100% sure & right now I'm 50-50. I've hung out with him in real life its just the majority of the time we've known each other it has been online cuz of the distance(mentioned at the top)

For me, I really hold onto personality when choosing a boyfriend. If we talk a lot, like constantly, I would consider maybe about 3 years of being friends. For someone that I don't know that well or don't talk to so often, probably the minimum is 9 years. (Yes, it took me 9 years to think, "Okay. Maybe we can go to the next level.)

3-9 yrs? Thats an extremely long time

I guess you could say that I'm afraid of commitment. That's okay. I don't wish to be married.

I kinda am in that situation myself. Bad breakup with the ex...well more like bad relationship in general. ANOTHER reason I'm in conflict. I don't feel like I can commit to anyone because of it. I felt trapped in my last 1 because he was a control freak & as a result I was tempted to cheat(never did of course)just to feel like I had some control in my life. I want to be married someday though but anytime soon.

Thats why I want to get to know him better. Maybe trying to get to know the 1st instead of just jumping into a relationship like I did last time will I don't know...be better? Can't describe it


Gahh...I'm sry I'm so confusing & keep contradicting myself. Its just part of my strange personality. I question everything. Even myself

[*Uronacid*]

Uronacid: I'm actually not trying to rush it. Well yes...ahh conflict! But I agree, I don't want to do anything major until I'm 100% sure & right now I'm 50-50. I've hung out with him in real life its just the majority of the time we've known each other it has been online cuz of the distance(mentioned at the top)
3-9 yrs? Thats an extremely long time
I kinda am in that situation myself. Bad breakup with the ex...well more like bad relationship in general. ANOTHER reason I'm in conflict. I don't feel like I can commit to anyone because of it. I felt trapped in my last 1 because he was a control freak & as a result I was tempted to cheat(never did of course)just to feel like I had some control in my life. I want to be married someday though but anytime soon.

Thats why I want to get to know him better. Maybe trying to get to know the 1st instead of just jumping into a relationship like I did last time will I don't know...be better? Can't describe it
Gahh...I'm sry I'm so confusing & keep contradicting myself. Its just part of my strange personality. I question everything. Even myself

Well, then don't commit until you're comfortable. Also, I don't know why you would want to commit to a guy who you claim rarely says sweet things, tells you that you talk to much, is a jerk most of the time, and when he's not doing those things he ignores you.... unless you don't feel like you deserve better >.>

[*Monochrome.*]

well i was a friend with my boyfriend for only 2 days and after a huge 12 hour [literaly] conversation with him we realized we should try dating.

that might have been dumb to some people but now we are living together in a serious relationship.and we truely do love each other

[*Uronacid*]

well i was a friend with my boyfriend for only 2 days and after a huge 12 hour [literaly] conversation with him we realized we should try dating.

that might have been dumb to some people but now we are living together in a serious relationship.and we truely do love each other

Just goes to show... there is no real proven method to dating. Dating is dating... do it because you both want to... :]

[pkbabe]

Hi! Well anyways I think Imma take a break from talking to him for a while by not going on AIM & myspace as much. NOT because its about him(well sorta) bu mainly because my life is gonna start getting busy again.

I start college next wednesday for the very 1st time so I'm excited/nervous, I have choir practice for church 2x a week but I'm not exactly in yet because I have to practice for 6 months with them 1st before its official & of course I spend alof of time with la familia. So thats the practical reason why I want to take things slow or not talk to him whatever. I need to adjust to being a college student(gosh...college...scary!)

Maybe the time I spend adjusting to things in my life will make me reconsinder him at all. But hey! Only time will tell...thanks everyone! Really appreciate your inputs

[*Uronacid*]

When you both feel comfortable about or trust each other enough to take that "next step". There is no set time, because people develop trust at different rates depending on the way life has effected them. Someone who has had serious relationship troubles is more likely to develop trust at a more slower rate than someone who has never dated anyone in their life. This is why your first real relationship that takes a turn for the worst is usually such a killer... You have no experience, and your heart gets torn out because you put all your trust in someone who ends up breaking with you.
I always looked at the steps as:

• Introduction
  • Say, "Hello"
  • First Impression
• Acquaintance
  • Hang Out in Group Settings.
  • Small Talk.
  • Get Attracted
• Friendship/Dating
  • Hang out 1-1
  • Develop Trust
  • Have Deep 1-1 Conversations
• Relationship
  • Agreement to be an "Item"
  • Greater Level of Commitment/Trust
  • Deep Rooted Feelings w/ Possible Love
• Engagement
  • Greater Level of Commitment/Trust
  • Love
• Marriage
  • SEEEXXXXXX ... erf.. I mean making Love Durrr... :D!!!

[*disco infiltrator*]

My boyfriend and I were friends for about two years before we started dating.

[jennyjenny]

we were friends for about 1 or 2 months but we knew each other before that

[ksoyeah]

This guy and I heard about each other about a year ago, we met about 6 months ago, and wham. Now we're going out. xD

[hannahxbaby]

Wow. Well...

We talked a heck of a lot over last summer break. We knew each other from 4th and 5th grade GATE classes but never really talked. He didnt go to my school in 6th grade, but showed up in 7th. I found him on myspace and was all like 'Hey! We had GATE together! Remember!?' and yeah. This was towards the middle-end of 7th grade. [April-ish.] And when summer swung around we talked every morning for about 5 hours. x_x Then recently [November] i was told he fell in love with me. And uh...Yeah. He just asked me about a month ago to become his girlfriend. So if you count those days...hmm. About 10 months it took for us to really get going as boyfriend and girlfriend.

=| Sorry if that story is like.. confusing.

[y0urelectrikk]

it took about a week with my current boyfriend. and we've been together for 8 months so far... it feels like we've known eachother our entire lives.. its weird.