Being led on, or being used? Options

[SpedMonkee]

Ok, I am going to try to explain this the best i can because as of right now I am not very clear headed and am so unbelievably angry.

For those who don't know the background here: (reading it is not necessary)
http://www.createblog.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=163654

But I have liked this girl for a long time now and when I finally told her how I felt (which was a little over a week after she broke up with her bf of 1 year) she said "this is a horrible time to tell me". I agreed, and understood, so I gave her some space.

SHE then starts to flirt with me (leaning on my, sleeping on me, holding my hand) a few days later. She kept it up, not me though I didnt push her away or anything. Things kept up like this for about a week or so, then last saturday she didnt hang out with me and our group because "one of her friends was coming home for the weekend". Since then she seemed distant and then wednesday rolls around and she TEXTS me, yes texts me, this:

"Dont Wait for me, im sorry but i dont think i feel the same way you feel about me and there is someone i am kind of seeing....And I am sorry if i have ever let you on in any way, I didnt mean to. I just wanted things to stay the same."

Then later on that night goes on to list herself as in a relationship.

I havnt talked to her about it since, mainly because I am so pissed off and upset I dont even know what to say to her.

I feel like I was just being used to help her get over her ex. And the fact that she was "seeing somone" the whole time just makes me even angrier.

I havn't talked to her, or anyone for that matter, about it because I feel like I am just overecting considering we never went out and such.


Even if no one responds to this (though i hope someone does ) it was good to vent everything and let it out.

[Ekay]

you were completely used / f*cked over. that happened to me too. EXCEPT, we were flirting and i didn't know about the other guy, so one day i decided to ask her out. she says she doesn't know, and whatnot. next day i see her goin out with some other guy. pissed was i? hell yes. but you'll get over it. it hurts right now but give it time.

[SpedMonkee]

well like i said she wants things to "stay the same" and I don't know if that is even possible anymore.. We have been friends for about 4 years and I dont know if things could go back to normal, or is that all up to me? Because it seems like it hasnt even affected her...

[maximelids]

Hey dude,
I had the same problem as you.

I met this great girl, she had the whole package, looks and personality.
It's kind of complicated how we met. She broke up with my friend, than my friend asked me to try to get them back together, at the end me and the girl, we started chatting and we got together. I did not backstab my friend, but instead I fell in her 'trap'.

Everything was going great, but she had a lot of personal problems (Very bad ones). I tried hard to try and help her, at the end she started to take me more as a friend, because she wanted 'sexual stuff' in the relationship, but I am limit to kissing.
After 2 weeks, she started to act wierd towards me and I can sense a break up. Eventually it did come.

After a month, she broke of with her new boyfriend and came back to me. She promised me to change and respect my 'rules' in the relationship. I comforted her and she did feel better.
A week later, she left me for a new guy.

I am going to be straight forward with you.
Just ignore and forget her. She is using you like my ex used me, a shoulder to cry on. They took us more like a pillow to hug when things get bad, and when things get better, they leave us behind.
What I did was hard for me as I loved her a lot. I ignored and forgot her. It was really hard, but I did it for my own good. If every time I was there for her when she came back. I think I would have broken my heart a million times.

Well I hope my advice is some help to you and i wish you the best dude.

[SpedMonkee]

i understand what your saying, and i appreciate your advice, its just that I dont know if i can totally ignore her. Its not like we just recently met, or barely know each other.. we have been friends for over 4 years now.

It just really annoys me that she just keeps trying to act like everything is normal and that nothing happened. I honestely never felt the same way about anyone else the way I felt, or maybe still feel..., about her. And it just absolutely kills me that the same feelings will never be returned, or even that I never got a real chance to tell her.

[*Uronacid*]

Ok, I am going to try to explain this the best i can because as of right now I am not very clear headed and am so unbelievably angry.

For those who don't know the background here: (reading it is not necessary)
http://www.createblog.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=163654

But I have liked this girl for a long time now and when I finally told her how I felt (which was a little over a week after she broke up with her bf of 1 year) she said "this is a horrible time to tell me". I agreed, and understood, so I gave her some space.

SHE then starts to flirt with me (leaning on my, sleeping on me, holding my hand) a few days later. She kept it up, not me though I didnt push her away or anything. Things kept up like this for about a week or so, then last saturday she didnt hang out with me and our group because "one of her friends was coming home for the weekend". Since then she seemed distant and then wednesday rolls around and she TEXTS me, yes texts me, this:

"Dont Wait for me, im sorry but i dont think i feel the same way you feel about me and there is someone i am kind of seeing....And I am sorry if i have ever let you on in any way, I didnt mean to. I just wanted things to stay the same."

Then later on that night goes on to list herself as in a relationship.

I havnt talked to her about it since, mainly because I am so pissed off and upset I dont even know what to say to her.

I feel like I was just being used to help her get over her ex. And the fact that she was "seeing somone" the whole time just makes me even angrier.

I havn't talked to her, or anyone for that matter, about it because I feel like I am just overecting considering we never went out and such.
Even if no one responds to this (though i hope someone does ) it was good to vent everything and let it out.

Well, you aren't level headed at all. You're angry. People who are angry tend to make decisions that are extreme.

Hmmm, well... I personally see it as your mistake, and you really need to learn from it. You know, it is ok to offer support if someone has been crushed by the loss of a relationship, but it's almost a golden rule not to fall for them or date them.

RULE #126: Do not date someone directly after they have come out of a serious relationship.

That's like asking to be used. I feel bad for you, but you just need to learn from your mistake. She could have never sent that text message, and put you on hold like most people do. You should be thankful she sent it.

[hidden_soul]

hmmm,
well here's a females p.o.v:
seeing that she just got out of a long term relationship, her feelings and emotions are toussled everywhere. since you told her how you felt when she was still in this stage, she took it on as a "safety." She leaned on you, held your hand because it made her feel safe. safe from the reality that someone she once loved isnt there for her anymore. she needed some form of stability and you sir, were the perfect catch. sorry to say but since now she's "seeing someone," its time to back off.....

if you need some more advice or someone to talk to, i'm always here!

good luck!
hidden_soul

[*Sephora.*]

RULE #126: Do not date someone directly after they have come out of a serious relationship.

^ I agree.

Man. You got used. Honestly, you shouldn't have asked her out right before she got out of a serious relationship. But at least she sent it in a text message. It'd be more meaningful if she told it to you face to face. I hope everything works out.

[SpedMonkee]

sorry to say but since now she's "seeing someone," its time to back off.....

I have backed off. I have barely spoken two words to her since then and cant really even look at her in person.


I don't know what hurts/bothers me more: the fact that she doesn't feel the same way about me, or that she was seeing somone this entire time. It just all really frustrates me and pisses me off.

[hidden_soul]

I don't know what hurts/bothers me more: the fact that she doesn't feel the same way about me, or that she was seeing somone this entire time. It just all really frustrates me and pisses me off.

well you can't really blame a person for not returning feelings. just because you've been friends with her for 4 years doesn't mean you guys will go platinum.
i understand that she was seeing someone the entire time pissed you off. but did she ever imply that she WAS indeed interested in another? she's confused, give her some space (which you have) and things should return to normal, if thats what you want.

good luck!
hidden_soul

[shortcake]

well you can't really blame a person for not returning feelings. just because you've been friends with her for 4 years doesn't mean you guys will go platinum.

the chick should never have led you on though. that really sucks and i feel for you. the same sht happenned to me. hope things get better

[SpedMonkee]

so i guess i just have one final question... should i talk to her about it? I mean cuz i know that if I don't then she never will, and all of this will continue on without really being resolved.

I still can't help but be pissed off at her and I am not sure how to actually start this conversation.. It can't be as easy as "Hey. You led me on, used me, and then went ahead and gone out with someone else lets discuss it." can it? lol

[ilauqh]

You should probably just talk to her and ask why she acted like she liked you even though she was with someone else. And try to make her understand that it wasn't fair to you and put you through a lot of pain. I know it will be hard to talk to her again but you definitely should because instead of never being friends again, it's better to at least try to start fresh, no matter how hard it is. Trust me I know... I lost two great friendship from ex boyfriend and a guy that liked me that I didn't like back.