Createblog Diary, Version 9.0 Options

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I'm so happy it's the weekend. It's what I say every Friday but really, it's true. I'm so tired by the end of the day on Fridays that I sleep all the way home on the subway. But today was nice. The Health quiz was easy and afterwards I found Yuki in the courtyard, looking like an Eskimo (except minus the sealskin coat, harpoon, and whale blubber xD). Then he took me to Book-off on 41st Street and Madison Avenue, which is like a haven for Japanese manga-buyers. o_o" Also tons of Japanese CDs~ I want to get Gackt's. <3

I also met up with Jolie and exchanged gifts. She loved the Garfield I got her and I loved the husky she got me. :D

[show_me]

f**k a bitch
rant

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I think life's treating me pretty well, but hopefully I didn't just jinx that by saying so. The drama between me and Briana has cooled down since Cheryl left the school even if I do miss Cheryl. Jackson and I have gotten closer and he's awesome so it's cool. =] I just don't want him to go to El Salvador, but I want him to have fun there anyway. I know what's going on in math and feel like I will get an 80+ on the test next Thursday, or at least I hope so. Perry and I haven't fought recently, and I'm kind of talking to Eric more. I hope we can grow closer like we used to be, but it's okay if it stays this way. And of course, it's Christmas soon...holiday spirit and all.

[Dabme]

dear cb diary,

I wish i could tell him how i really feel. Im afraid to be real with him. maybe because everytime im with him i feel like im dreaming. So whats the point of spilling my feelings out to a guy who isnt real? But as much as i do contemplate betweent the fact that hes a dream come true, I still cant get myself to let it all out xp. And its for sure though, i do &hearts; him ^_^

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I am SO bored.
My boyfriend was only on for a second and I was invisible, so we didn't even get to talk. I hope his Internet hasn't died again.


Argh.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

GR i hate her! go to hell.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I've done so much posting in forums this weekend, more than in any other, I think. ^_^ Yay for being uber-active.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

god, why do you have to start so much drama and cry so much? STAY FAR AWAY FROM ME.

[Naomitron]

Dear cB diary,

It's surprising...the things you can learn about yourself. What's really getting to me is that even though they are things I've discovered before it seems that I "re-learn" them every so often. I've become some introspective woman; overanalyzing every little thing. My thoughts and dreams are no longer my own, I have to take into account the reactions of others, and that infuriates me. Am I not entitled to have my own hopes for the future? Can I not walk down my own path? I feel like my every move is being dictated by someone else and it kills me, but I don't know when, or even if, I'll ever be free. I just want to be free to be...myself.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

i really hate her. i wish she would get out of my life.

gahd! my bestfriend has to bring up love.... what is love to me?

[minioligo]

it's just not f**king fair.
what the f**k. just why. why why why.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

you're the bestest friend ever.
<3 you.

[unconfirmed_exis...]

Dear CBD,

For the last two days my mind has just been elsewhere..
I wonder if the reason why it's been like this is because of someone.
Or if the real reason behind it has nothing to do with someone,
but because of me.

I want to solve this on my own.
But I wish I had someone to listen to me
so they can tell me if I'm still sane.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

lately, people have been asking me what is love to me? have i ever felt it? have i ever actually encountered it? well... i dont know what love is to me. what is it? its just an incredible feeling that makes you feel the happiest you can ever feel. i want someone to love.

<3 ann

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Today turned out quite nice. His gifts are actually turning out and I think it's all going to work out so I'm pretty damned excited about that. Then helping another him with surprises was fun. Hm...yeah. Then I hung out with him today and that was sooo fun. As always. And I'm hella pumped for Saturday night...hopefully my exam isn't too bad. Sigh.

Life is actually pretty damn good.

[rAwritsgWeg]

Dear cB Diary,

Time and time again, thoughts of anger, hate, depression, and the likes continuesely flow within the boundaries of my mind. Depression seeks in more and more to the point where I cry just from the thought of being away from H.er. This place my parents have sent me to is a prison the body and mind. Dear god, shine your light upon me...give me a reason to believe in you...Sometimes I want to just die. I feel it's the simplest way out. All my pain is just sitting there, waiting to be set upon society. I just want to talk to H.er, but they won't let me. This place has made my mental and physical state worse....And now..I don't know..Someone out there, please hear my cry. Spread judgement upon thee. Give me the strength I need to live on...Because I've lost all motivation, all strength...to continue...

Please Help Me...

[unconfirmed_exis...]

Dear cbd,

My mom's an erupting vocano of fury right now.
Course I'm pretty calm about it since the reason
for her fury doesn't have to do with me.

My sister just snips and snips her hair away going to school with badly cut hair.
My mom got so upset she took her to the barber and gave her a boy-ish cut.
Well today, Oops she did it again..
My mom notices such things since she has eyes of a hawk.

She threatened at first to shave off all her hair,
but one threat came after another and somehow it lead to her
mentioning the scalping of my sister's head with a kitchen knife and or spoon.

To tell you the truth it bugs me a bit how my sister
totally ignores how much this topic means to my mother and I verbally
hurassed her hoping I might get into her head how she shouldn't do it..

But also I believe it's something more then just the hair
that my mother is upset about. She loves us you know.. And after hearing her rant,
I think she's upset because she doesn't want to show the world her daughters
and have them made fun of or outcasted for being something.. Different.
I'm sure it's not unusual for a mother to want to have beautiful daughters to show off.

Mom, hang in there.. We can be unbearable sometimes but continue to love us..
Someday we'll understand, someday you'll feel the appreciation you long deserved.

[faithin_felix]

Dear CBD,
it's almost 500 days...
the day is near..

- [F]

[Dabme]

Dear CB diary,


What compells me to believe that he will appreciate anything i do for him. He'd rather hear it, I knoew. But words mean nothing to me. Actoins can say everything, without ever having to even do so much as whipser. Still, theres no point. He talks more than he listens, and so i know he wont hear it if i say it. I see who he really is. He never cares, he always talks, he never lisetns, and he awlsy asks for so much. If i were to give him the workd, he would probably ask for the universe. Then he hsas to throw the line "Im moving anways" in my face. Im a pretty good catcher, but i juss let this one hit me in the face. I swear, everytime he talks about it I juss want to cry! Does he not kno that it hurts so much to know that hes going to leave. Does he not see that I need him right now, and the last thing i want to hear is "I cant wait to see my next school" Hes hurting me on the inside, and he doesnt even know it.

-i juss keep thinking about him.

[Winter]

Dear cB Diary,

I still love him but I feel like my feelings have changed. I'm so confused. I've loved him for 3 years but could this love be dying out? I'm scared of what is going to happen...

[Stefanny]

Dear CB Diary:
I'm so glad I'm finally getting to know people on CB! Of course Arjuna was right, CB chat does really help. Anyways, winter break is awesome so far. I'm missing seeing that cheery smile of his everyday. I'm missing teasing him in class. I'm missing hiding my feelings from him.

[unconfirmed_exis...]

Dear CBD,
That game has sucked my brain out along with a couple of other things.
I'm afraid by just typing that I might drool on the keyboard without knowing it.

AHAHAHA talk about retardation eh?
Maybe this is why I quit'd the hobby when I was younger.
I get addicted x 10 when I start a new interesting rpg game.

@.@ <3 But it's so lovely having something do do..
(this must be what it's like to be darren for a day..)
But it's a curse and a blessing. Sure I have something to do,
but in the last five hours or so I don't think I did anything besides
the essentials of life which includes;
blinking, breathing, going to the restroom and eating.

That game's a monster. But it's a monster I cannot abandon.
I'm going back to it now because I do believe it is calling me.
Apologies for the lack of posting today. I'll be back later..
Hopefully with no less intellegence then I do now.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Rant time.

I am so f**king sick of my parents. You know what, yeah they have it tough too but I'm sick and tired of being treated like I'm 12. I'm a godamn legal adult now...I could f**king LEAVE if I want to, but I can't quite yet. I can't believe they do this bullshit to me. I just want to spend some time with my friends to celebrate one of my best friends' birthdays. f**k that shit. U#OUSD:FLJ. I'm so pissed off right now. I was having such a good day and they go do this shit. As always.


I want out of this f**king place.

[*x1227x*]

dear cbd,

mann.... i dont know anymore... it seems like a piece of my life is missing.. :[

[unconfirmed_exis...]

Dear CBD,
A war was fought today at the table during breakfast..
I am left wounded from the battle.
And I can't exactly say it was the
cheese sandwich that did the damage.

It was the discussion that took place.
I foolishly started it by just mentioning the topic of race.

She told me she was hurt and though I seemed intact
and acted lightheartedly throughout the discussion/debate...
I was hurt too. The battle of culture and race has left me as the victor
and my enemy more wounded then I. But the deep hole
I feel inside makes me feel as if I've taken as much damage as she did.

Two wounds were inflicted, one from the mere fact the
words I speak and stood up for so boldly hurted her.
The fact that she knew and though she had no proof,
she repeatedly told me something that made it difficult to bear.

She knows about us I think. She told me over and over that
I shouldn't have a boyfriend until high school was over.
I know I need to be strong and it's normal for girls my age to do such a thing.
But I feel shame burning at my face. I dare not talk back
knowing if I did I would be lying. I don't know what to do..

Should I carry on this burden to my mother that made me so happy?
Or should I drop both so that she would disappear from the face of
this planet someday feeling proud of her daughter?!

Oh mom, I love you.. I love you.. I hate myself so much for doing this to you.
I love you.. I always will. I'm sorry for doing this to you.
But this is a secret I have to keep, but I promise one day to make everything right.
Bear with me. Just a bit longer. You don't know how much
it hurts me just seeing the person I cherish hurt.