Createblog Diary, Version 9.0 Options

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

I love weekends.
Tonight was a bit crazy but it was fun. Had my interview for Stitches, then hung out with Larry then met up with Matt, Nessa, Tommy, etc. and headed over to SilverCity to see Borat and meet up with Kait, Fader, Paul...BUT all the showings were completely sold out and we ended up renting and watching Nacho Libre at Kaitlyns...'twas fun I have to say. They loved her tv downstairs haha...
Sunday is gonna be awesome too. Goo Goo Dolls concert + checking out that tattoo place...I think I'm actually gonna go through with it this December. Ack! Haha I'm scared but whatever.

I don't wanna think about school though. I hate research papers. Especially stupid 8 page long ones.

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB diary,
I've been feeling horrible lately. It might have something to do with the weather, but I was never this depressed in November.. It's just.. My mind has just been overly over-analytical. I've been thinking about things a lot more. Changing my mind on some views, rethinking how I feel about things, thinking back to the past to see what I've done wrong. My mind has been lingering toward the past lately. It's just.. When I think back to those things, I realize that I highly regret them. Especially if I'm being hurt by my actions even now. I've gotten too attached to things.
I need to escape. I'd take the Greyhound somewhere, but.. I'm broke. I wouldn't survive anywhere for a week on $200. I want to go somewhere where no one can find me. I don't want to bring anyone along.. Just my thoughts and feelings. Somewhere where it's nice and quiet. Maybe I can just scream and cry my eyes out there. I just.. I need to leave!
My dreams have been partially crushed. I'm giving up on it all. I can't rely on it. I probably don't have the grades to go anywhere, let alone Caltech. Heck, I don't think I'll even get into NYU! I don't even have a reason to go to Caltech anymore. Maybe I'll just rot at a community college nearby and waste my life. I don't give a shit anymore. I can't rely on anyone and I know that for sure now. At this moment, nothing is influencing me. I have no reason to become an astronomer. My dreams have becoming more and more dim and I don't think I can live up to anyone's expectations now.

I just don't have the mental capability to follow my dreams anymore. I don't know what I'm gonna do..

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

it frustrates me how i can't go more then a day straight of happiness... i mean, honestly, there MUST be something wrong with my hormones or something. and i know i'm not pmsing. how can i get depressed just because i don't see him for a significant amount of time? how can it depress me when another guy gives me mixed signals? i don't even like him really! and then my mom is just so... spazztic.

[minioligo]

Dear cB Diary,
I'm depressed as f**k.
What the hell is wrong with me? I haven't felt so pathetic in so long.

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

last night meant so much to him... and my parents couldn't do the ONE thing for him that he actually wanted. they always ruin everything... and they're acting all 'proud' about it still. i cried so much last night, like more then i ever have at once ever... i am just so....

[showstopper!]

dear cb diary.
last night i went to go see the santa clause 3 movie.
because my friend was supposibly supposed to be in it.
well never saw her. what a attention whore.
now on monday at school i'm going to walk up to her
and say, :congratulations on your new big debut movie
too bad you weren't in it."
sounds harsh. but hey she deserves it.

[Saeglopur]

dear.

I don't understand. I don't know.
WHY AM I STILL TRYING?! i'm trying / hoping for something that's not gonna happen. why...?

love.

[alysaphobia]

dear cb diary;


i am convinced no guy will ever make me happy.
here's to being single forever
the end

xxxalysa

[redpeony]

dear cb diary
I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO FAIL AT LIFE! I HATE SCHOOL! AHHHHHHHHH WHYYYYYY DO WE HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOOOL I'm such a whiner. I have 2 papers and 2 midterms coming up this week. Prepared for 0 of them. I don't even know waht I did all weekend. And now it's 2:20AM. And I'm not doing any better. RAWR.

[showstopper!]

dear cb diary.
i was a bit embarassed today.
while gina and i were waiting in the lunch line,
she randomly took out some paris hilton perfume
and sprayed my eyes.
OMFG. WHAT THE HELL GINA.
i was screaming and moving around a LOT saying
"not only did paris make the stars go blind she just made me blind!!"
AHH GINA!
then josh the guy i like was standing right behind me just laughing at me.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Today was probably the best day I've had this week, but I don't want to jinx it. Not that anything could be worse than Tuesday... *Shudder* I still can't believe I did that.
I wish I weren't so bad at math, but I'll just have to work harder. And I'm not snapping at my friends anymore. That's good too. Things can only go up once they've hit rock bottom.

And also, tomorrow's the last day of school before the two half days and Thanksgiving break. Just remember that.

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB Diary,
I NEVER REALIZED HOW MANY FRESHMEN SCIENCE NERDS THERE WERE IN MY SCHOOL! It's crazy! It's only when people from my school started adding and commenting me that I found out. Ohh, now I have to go debate and discuss string theories with these people >:]

I'm feeling wayyy better. Blah. I'm thinking of not giving up my dreams after all. Maybe I will write that essay later. It's due in March anyways.. Don't know about Caltech though. It'll always be my dream school, but I'm considering Columbia, MIT, and Stanford.
I fit in more with my school than I ever did in any other place. Well, except for the Hayden Program, but that's not a school and they don't all love science.
Now I all I have to do is find a freshman tech nerd and then I'd definitely fit in.
But then.. Do I really want to fit in? I've always wanted to be original. That's what I've been trying to be like ever since I was born; it's one of my characteristics. I don't think it'll ever change, but maybe I can try to change it.

I gave up on giving up. I understand why I was so depressed for a while.. Because I've been thinking too much about the future. Way too much. I'll try to concentrate on the present as much as possible and stop dreaming.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

It's amazing how stressed out life should be because of school, now having 2 jobs, and such...but I am so, soo happy.
Tonight turned out a lot better than I originally though. Me happy.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I'm relieved to say that yesterday was much better than the rest of the week. It was decent for the entire day and I actually managed to stay happy. ______ so obviously likes ____ but just won't admit it even though she spends all her time with him. I miss him at lunchtimes now. :[ He's one of my best guy friends, after all. But I'm going to hang out with him next week so I'll regain some ____-time. :3
Speaking of next week, I can't wait. Two half days, Borat, Happy Feet, and Thanksgiving dinner. <3

[angelrevelation]

dear cb diary,

i can't believe i'm going to miss the game. it's definitely the biggest one so far. and i want to be there to support him. but what good would it do? he doesn't know i exist, no matter how cliche that sounds. but i still want to cheer him on...

[AngelinaTaylor]

Dear cB diary:

Love is not worth the heartbreak. Why do I always end up being hurt?

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Today I read a schoolmate's Xanga entry on how they were doing in school and it completely hit home with me. I got angry about the grades I got for first quarter, but can I blame them on anyone but myself? It's true that some of my teachers are horrible, but I can't use that as an excuse. I have to step it up and find ways to cope. "Average" is not acceptable. If I try my hardest I know I can raise my grades, but I'm going to have to stop procrastinating. Like really stop. Junior year will be even harder next year, so if I don't break out of the habit I'm just going to die from all the work. And I won't let myself do that.

CONCENTRATE.

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB Diary,
I don't like this feeling. I don't like being paranoid. Every time I walk past a room, I have to turn on the lights and see what's in there. When I'm scared, I have to turn on all the lights in the house and shut my door. What use is that??
And these few weeks, I've been thinking.. What if the only reason for existence of the world is to test you? What if all these people are fake and they're just trying to test your ability? I just don't know anymore.. What if everything is fake? What if everything is being done by one person? What if these people around me are fake?
Gah, I don't like paranoia and late nights.. I don't like staying up until 12 to study and read either.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

Today was all right. It wasn't as fun as yesterday, but I improved at handball. *Cough* Right. We were all freezing our a**es off at the rec today but that's okay because...it just is. Fun times with friends. And yay powdered sugar! :3

[iDecay]

Dear cB Diary,

Why am I so bitter? I keep feeling sorry for myself when I know I shouldn't. I keep remeniscing and crying when I know I should be looking forward to the future. I know I have to do this alone, but I just can't. There's no one there to push me. I no longer have anyone that I can tell anything to. All I do is make small talk and pretend I'm happy. I hate feeling.. alone.

[Stefanny]

Dear Cb Diary --

This Thanksgiving is gonna suck. Know why? I've got a million stacks of homework.

[tokyo-rose]

Dear diary,

I had two pieces of pumpkin pie today and a really great dinner. :D I'm happy.

[dreamii]

Dear cB diary,

For some reason this Thanksgiving break seems like the longest thing ever. Not that I miss things from school but it seems like I haven't been talking to people these few days. This is just a break from everything I guess. I'm scared that once face it, I'm gonna go back to what I was before. I hate to be on a emotional rollercoaster. All the guessing and hoping...it's just really tiring. It's crazy how a guy can do all of those huh? I don't think I like him anymore but maybe it's because I haven't talked to him for a while. I guess it's for the better because I doubt he'll make a move anyways. But I'm just afraid that once I go back, talking to him will bring it all back; and I KNOW that if we don't talk, I'll get all bummed out cus of it. Ugh, wth is this?

I know I like the thought of being in a relationship more than actually liking him. But it's just been too long, I just want to feel it again? It all seems harder now. Back then it was so much easier when everything was so carefree.

In my heart I know that R is still there; just that it's not hurting me so bad anymore. It's crazy how ONE PERSON can change me so much. It;s not like I still like him but, I just miss how we were and how "innocent" it was. I was happy.

And sometimes I cant wait to get out and start new.

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB Diary,
I HATE SCHOOL. I HATE IT! WTF, last year my math averages were like 98, 98, 99, 99. Now I'm getting freakin' 80s! I hate my teacher. Well, I don't hate him. I hate the way he teaches. At this rate, I'm gonna fail the regents.
I dislike odd numbers. I dislike odd numbers very much. They're evil. 7 and 9 are my worst school years ever. 6th and 8th were my best. I used to do so well in math in the even grades, and when in the odd ones, I do horribly. This is like a replay of my 7th grade year. I'm doing well in Bio, English. Doing ok in Global. Horrible in foreign language and math. I seriously hate it.
Today was better. Yesterday made me really.. depressed and angry and cynical. I.. I dunno. I just have these strange mood swings from day-to-day. It shows in my AIM profile too. I should just delete everything and stop changing it every day.
I need to focus more in school. Especially math.

[angelrevelation]

Dear cb diary,

today was a snow day it was nice to sleep in, but i was mad because when i found out i was already nearly all ready. i didn't want to change again

i've been thinking about what anna said: "like you and buttboy. you think of him constantly and go "oh i hope i see him play" lots but he does NOT go "oh i hope she comes to see me play" or whatever all day. [or maybe he does. what do i know]" I mean, of course he doesn't think of me. he probably doesn't even know what my name is. so why do i think about him so much?