its all downhill, 5 year relationship Options

[II_noFOREVER]

ive been with chris since the 8th grade and we`ve been together for almost 5 years now. when it`s good, it`s oh so good but when it`s bad, hell breaks open.

it`s weird with us because one day, he`s so committed to us. all he tells me is, "i want to be with you forever. i love you with all my heart. i want to marry you." and the next day, he tells me, "i don`t want to be committed. i don`t want to talk about the future." it hurts me because i love him that much and we`ve been together for 5 years. does he not want to be with me anymore? i don`t understand --- why does he always change his mind? is it something i`m doing? what could i do?

our relationship hasn`t always been the best because we`ve gotten into countless arguments over petty things. now i`m going to go to college in san diego and he`s going to be here in los angeles. i`m planning on coming back every 2 weeks, but i don`t know if it`ll be enough.

i don`t want him to get tired of this "long distance thing" and i don`t want his eyes to wander while i`m away. chris has always been a faithful person and i know he`d never cheat on me. is it wise to keep going with this relationship even though i`ll be a 100 miles away? i feel like i can`t live without him because we`ve been through everything together. what do i do?

help! thanks


EDIT ----
i know that 2 hours isnt as extreme as other long distance relationships :p

but remember that we have been practically neighbors for the past 5 years & its hard to go from that to being in different cities :(

THANKS for all of your advice.

[OhMyAnniee]

talk to him. ask him about your future. maybe you guys could likeee.. " take a break " you know? live life on your own for maybe a month or two. then call him or something to hang out & just talk. it might be refreshing.

[*This Confession*]

You know the best thing to do at the moment is talk to him ask him how he feels just show that you really care. I mean your away now and you both have to step into this long distance relationship and after being together and seeing each other for 5 years its got to be a little set back.

The only thing you really have in a long distance relationship is the emotional side, so communication is the biggest thing.


Ask him what he thinks about the relationship and how it is at the moment, if he wants to take a break. I don't really know if you could stop him. As sad as that may sound. I don't think he'll really want to, but he may not know what to really expect since your away. It takes a lot of trust and maybe the trust between both of you isn't as strong as you may think it is.

[m_h]

I'm sorry to hear that ur going through this. The best thing to do as of right now is to have a long sit down talk with him to see where the both of you stand in this relationship. I've been through a very similar situation where I had to leave my bf behind while I attended college miles away and trust me it was hard, VERY HARD. So if ur relationship was meant to survive through this whole ordeal then everything will fall into place. It's a matter of having faith in ur relationship and being patient. And if things fall apart then you'll know that it wasn't meant to be.

[smileeetina]

I think he's afraid. Maybe he feels that he can't be as comminted as he thought he could or maybe he feels he might hurt you, and that he wanted to end things before he does something dumb. You just have to talk it out with him. But if your love is real love, things will be perfectlyyyy fine. (:

[*Uronacid*]

Look, it's not going to be easy to go from a relationship where you see eachother all the time to a realtionship where you are so distant... I guess I'm getting used to the whole distance thing with Holly, and I guess it's a litte different... I mean, I'm so happy when we accually get to see eachother... man, it's like the best thing ever... *sigh* When I lease it's like the worst thing ever, and it makes me so sad that I have to go that I want to cry, and sometiems I do. O_o I can't imagine what it would be like to spend day after day with her, and then have to leave.... I guess I would be so upset inside. I can barley imagine how scared you feel, but even though I would be upset I would still love her and try to make the best of what we have.

I guess you need to talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel about it, and tell him what you would like to happen. Tell him what your afriad of happening. Tell him how you see things, and give him your perspective. Just be careful not to blame/accuse him of things (it doesn't seem like you know exactly how he feels.).

He may be questioning the relationship because of the long distance thing. If he needs to be in a relationship where his partner is only a short drive away you may have to accept that, but in the same way that you may need to accept that you may need to accept that he may not want to do that. He may want to stay with you through the whole thing. He may just be afraid that you don't want to be in a long distance relationship. It's hard to want something in a relationship when you feel like your partner doesn't want the same thing. So, although it might be difficult, just make sure you're prepared to accept anything that happens.

Love is about doing whats best for people. This means you and your boyfriend. If he doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship then you can't force him to be, and you have to accept that. You have to love him, respect his descition, and allow yourself to move on even though it's the most difficult thing in the world. In just the same way, if he wants to be in a relationship with you, you have to make a descision. You can either accept that and say yes, or decline and say no. He owe's you the same acceptance that you owe him. A relationship is a 50/50 thing. Both of you have to be on the same page about things, and right now... neither of you seem to know how you feel about eachother.

All that said.... YOU NEED TO TALK TO EACHOTHER.

[*krnxswat*]

Guhfren~! That's not even longdistance. What're you smoking?

[*Uronacid*]

Guhfren~! That's not even longdistance. What're you smoking?

Yeah.. I kind of agree... it's only 2 hours.... >.>

[*krnxswat*]

Not even two hours!

[_sarcastic_]

sit him down and talk to him about this long distance thing.
it shouldn't be very hard with the whole distance thing, at least it's within close driving distance. my bf and i are in completely different
states right now.

[II_noFOREVER]

thanks to everybody for your advice :)

and as for the whole break / no break type of thing .... we want to be together. he's willing to drive to san diego to see me & im doing the same to see him in LA.

yeah, its not so much "long distance". its just a LONGER distance then we have been for the past 5 years. i mean we lived 15 minutes away from each other to now 2 hours!

thank everybody for the reassurance also. if it's meant to be, everything will fall into place.

I'm sorry to hear that ur going through this. The best thing to do as of right now is to have a long sit down talk with him to see where the both of you stand in this relationship. I've been through a very similar situation where I had to leave my bf behind while I attended college miles away and trust me it was hard, VERY HARD. So if ur relationship was meant to survive through this whole ordeal then everything will fall into place. It's a matter of having faith in ur relationship and being patient. And if things fall apart then you'll know that it wasn't meant to be.

if you dont mind me asking, what was the turn out?

[Mizz1Exquisite]

Oh come on thats not even a long distance 2 hours are you serious you could visit him every weekend but first you must it is a must that you talk to him find out if he is tired or if he really wants to go through with this dont ever dought him or your relationship you must learn to be strong i mean yes you love him but the possibilities here are he can say yes i want to stay with you and then he can say no i dont want to now the question is do you love him enough to let him go .And he could stay but this could mean you have to except that he is going to be sad without you there by his side all the time so take it slow and work it out everything will work out for the best.

[*This Confession*]

I can agree that yea you both have been together for 5 years and could see each other when ever you wanted and the 2 hour barrier is a little extreme for you guys now.

But think of people in long distance relationships that are states away. Then I think you can call it a long distace relationship. I suppose you both are still pretty close, if something really important or bad happens you guys can be there pretty quickly.

[*Uronacid*]

I can agree that yea you both have been together for 5 years and could see each other when ever you wanted and the 2 hour barrier is a little extreme for you guys now.

But think of people in long distance relationships that are states away. Then I think you can call it a long distace relationship. I suppose you both are still pretty close, if something really important or bad happens you guys can be there pretty quickly.

hahahahahahha.... :P we're in a long distance relationship XD.... 100 miles.. man I livesd 100 miles away form you I would visit you at least once every 2 weeks XD...