Um...., when is it selfish? Options

[*Uronacid*]

I'm having a bit of an issue myself... lately I have been not saying things out of fear of them possibly being selfish... like, alright if your consistantly getting nervous about something is it good to keep bringing it up and work on it together or try to ignore it so the your partner doesn't have to deal with your problems and issues? Like I love Holly, and is it truley the best for her if I talk about things that bother me all the time.... maybe sometimes ignorace is bliss... I know she's going to question this topic on the phone now... >.> I have been trying to act like nothing is wrong for the past week. It's working, but the truth is that I'm really stressed out... I haven't been eating much and I'm consistantly getting stomach aches... I'm trying to solve the issues on my own, and talk to my friends about them so she doesn't have too...

[*T0rmented_Soul*]

Dude sometimes it takes two to solve the problem together, One might not be enough to do it by your self. If you both love each other, I bet she'll stand by you and support you regardless of how selfish you are with the problem you have. That's one thing in a relationship is to make sure you both understand each other, and pretending everything is OK is only going to get worse, it's like lying. So my answer to you is, you may be the MAN and have to handle things on your own, but theres too in the relationship and whatever you have problems with Impacts on the other. Talk it ouy, let her lend you hand. I'm pretty sure she wants to help you as well.

[*Uronacid*]

Dude sometimes it takes two to solve the problem together, One might not be enough to do it by your self. If you both love each other, I bet she'll stand by you and support you regardless of how selfish you are with the problem you have. That's one thing in a relationship is to make sure you both understand each other, and pretending everything is OK is only going to get worse, it's like lying. So my answer to you is, you may be the MAN and have to handle things on your own, but theres too in the relationship and whatever you have problems with Impacts on the other. Talk it ouy, let her lend you hand. I'm pretty sure she wants to help you as well.

thanks... you know, you sound alot like me when I'm talking to other people... :] I like that because I understand you... maybe love is talking abut issues that you cannot solve on your own... It may be selfish, but if you do love them and your trying to be the best you can for them... then maybeyou would want to be with them and talk to them about your issues so your relationship doesn't become worse... hmmm... but isn't ignorance bliss sometimes... I mean, isn't it bettter to keep things to yourself if you think that you may just get over it anyways... well, I don't know, but I don't think she will do the things I'm thinking I just fear certainthings happening and keep my mouth shut because I don't want to bother her all the time...

[*T0rmented_Soul*]

We'll just put it like this bro, I just put my self in your shoes and see how you might be feeling, and I understand you as well. It's a similar problem I had, with my girl months back. but you'll do fine. and thanks

[*Uronacid*]

We'll just put it like this bro, I just put my self in your shoes and see how you might be feeling, and I understand you as well. It's a similar problem I had, with my girl months back. but you'll do fine. and thanks

explain your problem...so i can relate...

[*T0rmented_Soul*]

Firstly, I loved my girl alot, and sometimes I think she deserves better rather than dealing with the shit I have to deal with. She ask's me are you sure you ok? I'll be like yeah I'm fine don't worry about me. But that was all a Lie. I was packed with Family problems, Strssin out with people givin me problems, and at times I yell at her out of nowhere. when I don't mean it because my mind is clouded with so many thing's I tend to forget who I am at times. But she, she doesn't give up on me, she makes me remember that, she tells me she loves just to make me remember that, she tells me she'll always be there just to make me remember. and that I'm not alone and you have someone here who will stick with you all the way no matter how hard your life is going through right now. she gave me a new path to take and she supported me in all ways, and helped me solve my problems that I couldn't bear to hold in any longer. that's why I don't hold anything in, the longer it stays in the harder it will come out. and the outcome isn't beautiful.

[*Uronacid*]

Firstly, I loved my girl alot, and sometimes I think she deserves better rather than dealing with the shit I have to deal with. She ask's me are you sure you ok? I'll be like yeah I'm fine don't worry about me. But that was all a Lie. I was packed with Family problems, Strssin out with people givin me problems, and at times I yell at her out of nowhere. when I don't mean it because my mind is clouded with so many thing's I tend to forget who I am at times. But she, she doesn't give up on me, she makes me remember that, she tells me she loves just to make me remember that, she tells me she'll always be there just to make me remember. and that I'm not alone and you have someone here who will stick with you all the way no matter how hard your life is going through right now. she gave me a new path to take and she supported me in all ways, and helped me solve my problems that I couldn't bear to hold in any longer. that's why I don't hold anything in, the longer it stays in the harder it will come out. and the outcome isn't beautiful.

well... should i at least wait until she has free time to talk about it?

I have to goto work, so... I'll be back... are you a christian?

[*T0rmented_Soul*]

uhhm Im catholic. Whenever the time is right for you bro..but don't wait till it's too late

[iDecay]

Mike, reading that just made me like, hella depressed. Makes me think I need to stop doing some things..

Oh, and Josh, (I believe..?) if you put "plz don't read this holly," chances are, she will read this.

[*T0rmented_Soul*]

I've just been through alot in my life, you don't even know, so when I see somebody down it' triggers this soft side of me and I'm more of a serious thinker..cuz I can relate and feel their pain.

[danginja]

When you keep something from someone to "protect" them it usually ends up being exploited somehow and in a more worse way. Express your feelings now before it boils up into a worse outcome.

[*I Shot JFK*]

the best thing you could do is NOT POST A THREAD THAT MAKES HER KNOW YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE TALKING TO HER BY TELLING HER NOT TO READ IT.

oops. too late.

textbook error.

[*Uronacid*]

Thought Stream:


Look, I feel like sometimes I need space... I don't know hwere to find it. I guess sometiems I want to try and figure things out on my own... honestly, I still wish I never said anything.. she has no idea what to say when I tell her these things... It really sucks... It's not her fault either... I feel so crappy right now, and I don't know who to talk to .. I'm mean I have so many friends, but they don't have the same problems as me... All they tell me is... "Don't worry about it...", and ugh... when Holly says things like, "I won't leave you" or, "I won't give up on you"... I know shes just trying to comfort me, and I appriciate that... but she's saying things that she can't promise, and I don't want her to do that either... I don't think she realize how hard the things she is saying are really going to be. I feel so worthless for even bringing it up... I wish I just kept it inside...

Well wait... I just thought of something... What if I need to tell her to find out if she is right for me... I mean... is she the one that is going to be able to help me out of my paranoid rut... One reason I don't want her to read this is becuase I don't want her to do something that isn't from her own heart... I don't want her to say things I want to hear. I want her to say things that she thinks she should say. I want her to be herself. This is the main reason I don't want her to read what I'm writing. I'm afriad she will start to do what I say, and I don't want that to ever happen... I want her to think for herself, btu at the same I know that she will never understand me if I don't tell her things. I'm dissapointed in myself for even asking her to call me today when I was talking to her last night. I told her I felt pretty worthless, and that if i did call her I would feel like I was bothering her... It was the truth, but now I fear that the only reason she is going to call me is because I told her too.... I don't want her to call me because I told her too. I want her to call me when she wants to call me. I wish I never said that... sometimes I even tell her not to do things so she won't feel pressured to do them. I'm not a jealous paranoid freak. I'm really focused on not letting my paranoia over run our relationship. I try so hard to let her do things and be herself. I let her talk to all the guys she wants, and I try not to say anything ever about it. I do get a little jealous, but I always tell her that I want her to hang out with them. I say, "Just becuase I get a little jealous doesn't mean you should stop. Holly, this is my problem not yours and it shouldn't effect the way you be you. No matter what, do not stop being yourself because I am being stupid and jealous." I really don't want her to allow my paranoia to control anything. I know that fear can turn into jealousy, and jelaousy can turn into control... I'm so determined never to let that happen...

Sometimes I feel like she is loosing hope that I will ever be able to stop being paranoid. It makes me loose hope that I could ever change. I'm afriad I will always be paranoid in every relationship for the rest of my life. It makes me loose hope when I feel taht way, and I almost want to give up, but I don't. I keep pressing on. I'm so determined to stop being paranoid. If I don't think I wouldn't stay in this relationship. I don't think I will ever give up. Unless she gives up on me... i want to change, and I don't have this small bit of hope in me ... People always say," You can't change for someone. You have to change for yourself." I'm not just changing myself for her. I'm changing myself so that I can have a beautiful relationship with the person I love... I only dream about being in a relationship, and not be afriad of being hurt...

All the advice I give on this site... it's all advice that I would give myself, but why don't I just take my own advice. It's not that I don't try... I do... I guess I jsut need other people to give me advice. Maybe it's a confirmation thing. I have my own idea's and thought in my head about how I could get over this, but I want to hear what you have to say before I do anything... I want to consider every possibility. I'm afriad that my thoughts and the things that I may do may be triggered by my wants. I'm afriad that I may become so blinded by the way that I wish things could happen that I won't be able to see what I accually need to happen...

[AngelinaTaylor]

Do not hide things from her. God, that pisses me off so much about my ex, especially now when I KNOW something's going terribly wrong but he won't even talk to me anymore. You shouldn't lie to her. Because omitting these things is the same like lying. It's never selfish to share your problems.

[*Uronacid*]

Do not hide things from her. God, that pisses me off so much about my ex, especially now when I KNOW something's going terribly wrong but he won't even talk to me anymore. You shouldn't lie to her. Because omitting these things is the same like lying. It's never selfish to share your problems.

But don't you think that sometimes ignorance can be better... not knowing something could make things easier on you.

[*T0rmented_Soul*]

Thought Stream:
All the advice I give on this site... it's all advice that I would give myself, but why don't I just take my own advice. It's not that I don't try... I do... I guess I jsut need other people to give me advice. Maybe it's a confirmation thing. I have my own idea's and thought in my head about how I could get over this, but I want to hear what you have to say before I do anything... I want to consider every possibility. I'm afriad that my thoughts and the things that I may do may be triggered by my wants. I'm afriad that I may become so blinded by the way that I wish things could happen that I won't be able to see what I accually need to happen...

People are like that bro, they're so good at giving advice but fail to follo their own, why? I guess it's supposively because you don't tend to find your self in those situations, so there's no need for your own advice, even if it seem's like it's the right way to do. It just takes people to give you the same thoughts of words just as you gave them to realise what you have to do. Don't stress it, your mind is your own enemy, maybe take a risk and chance it.

[*Uronacid*]

People are like that bro, they're so good at giving advice but fail to follo their own, why? I guess it's supposively because you don't tend to find your self in those situations, so there's no need for your own advice, even if it seem's like it's the right way to do. It just takes people to give you the same thoughts of words just as you gave them to realise what you have to do. Don't stress it, your mind is your own enemy, maybe take a risk and chance it.

I have heard that so often... my mind is my enemy, and if you get to know me well enough I'm sure you will hear me say things like, "I hate my head. "

[*T0rmented_Soul*]

lol thinking is stressful, I know what you mean. So what have thought about doing.?

[*Uronacid*]

lol thinking is stressful, I know what you mean. So what have thought about doing.?

Maybe for once just letting myself fall... allow myself to love her and her to lvoe me without even thinking of the consequences... I always get so far, and right before I'm about to reach this piont where I would truely be hurt if things went sour I freak out... I get scared of the people I love, I feel like some animal thats been beaten for comming close and will only allow myself come so close to someone because of the fear.

[*suddenly she*]

But don't you think that sometimes ignorance can be better... not knowing something could make things easier on you.

if there's someone i care about who's going through a rough time, i wouldn't want him/her to take it on alone. i'd rather split the weight.

i've a close friend who has tons of family crap going on, so i get how it is on the other side.
but i don't really know what to say back... i figure sorry doesn't cut it, and my pity or anyone else's pity is useless. all i end up doing is telling the person how much i love him, but is it enough? it feels pathetic compared to all his troubles.

even so, i'd rather be pathetic than be wrong in thinking that someone's perfectly fine.

[xforgottenlove]

i think communication is really important in relationships so if she really loves you, she'll understand and won't think you're selfish or anything like that.

[AngelinaTaylor]

But don't you think that sometimes ignorance can be better... not knowing something could make things easier on you.

No. Relationships are a two way street. It doesn't work if one shares and the other one doesn't. It's not very fair either. There's NOTHING wrong with sharing your troubles. In fact, it makes it easier.

[*Uronacid*]

I've started wrighting a journal.... it's really intresting to see my thoughts all out on paper... I'lll share some later. Right now I can't because it's in the car, but some of the things I think are really intresting... :]

No. Relationships are a two way street. It doesn't work if one shares and the other one doesn't. It's not very fair either. There's NOTHING wrong with sharing your troubles. In fact, it makes it easier.

I completely agree with you... I think I have troubel sharing my feelings because I view myself as such a problem that I can't understand why someone would want to bear the weight on their shoulders... there is so much more to it than that thoough...