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Screams From Hell
Dark's Angel
post Jun 27 2006, 11:11 AM
Post #1


Koorime
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Screaming rings in the corridors of my mind.
I can't seem to make it stop.
It's filled with pain,
Remorse and guilt,
But most of all,
It's mixed with sadness and hate.
I hate every thing that's happened to me.
But there's nothing that
I can't do about the past.
All I can try to hope for is
A better future
One that isn't filled with pain.
I'm writhing in anger that's mixed with pain,
No one even cares that I'm alive.
Here on Earth,
I know that its not possible
To be saved from this desolate hell,
It's already sucked me in,
And it's working its horrors upon me.
Nothing can save me now.
 
*Kathleen*
post Jul 2 2006, 02:57 AM
Post #2





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I enjoy reading your style of poetry, as well as the actual content. How old are you?
 
Paradox of Life
post Jul 2 2006, 09:37 AM
Post #3


My name's Katt. Nice to meet you!
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QUOTE
But there's nothing that
I can't do about the past.


I think you mean "But there's nothing that I can do about the past."

I like the title of your poem, but overall, it doesn't seem like much of a poem. You can actually put the lines together to make a grammatically correct paragraph:

Screaming rings in the corridors of my mind... I can't seem to make it stop. It's filled with pain, remorse and guilt. But most of all, It's mixed with sadness and hate. I hate every thing that's happened to me. But there's nothing that I can do about the past. All I can try to hope for is a better future, one that isn't filled with pain. I'm writhing in anger that's mixed with pain. No one even cares that I'm alive. Here on Earth, I know that its not possible to be saved from this desolate hell. It's already sucked me in, and it's working its horrors upon me.
Nothing can save me now.

And if you're in Hell, why does it sa "Here on Earth"? Hmm... I think there's a lot to be improved in this poem like diction and structure, but I think it's a good start.
 
magicfann
post Jul 4 2006, 02:03 AM
Post #4


CB's Forum Troll
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You are emo.
 
*Kathleen*
post Jul 4 2006, 02:41 AM
Post #5





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MY GOD WHAT THE FCUK IS WRONG WITH BEING AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING THAT HAS EMOTIONS?
 
AngelinaTaylor
post Jul 4 2006, 10:43 AM
Post #6


daughter of sin
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QUOTE(Kathleen @ Jul 4 2006, 3:41 AM) *
MY GOD WHAT THE FCUK IS WRONG WITH BEING AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING THAT HAS EMOTIONS?


I'll second that.

And I agree with Paradox of Life. Try not to structure your lines like sentences.. don't be afraid to be more creative. Experiment with words.
 
Dark's Angel
post Jul 4 2006, 03:48 PM
Post #7


Koorime
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QUOTE(magicfann @ Jul 4 2006, 3:03 AM) *
You are emo.


Meh, I really wouldn't be considered that...Not to myself or my friends at all. I have emotions and all, but a lot of times I get pretty emotionless too...Its more of a nothingness sometimes...(Heh, not a word that I use...but it fits...) that I seem to feel and I often draw it out through my poetry..

This one really was more of a scentence structure from the beginning, it really never had any rhyme to it...But I saw that it had a certain thing that ost of my poems had to it when I wrote it and ah well...

Oh and if you really want to know Kathleen...I'm 16.
 

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