i love my friends' gf Options

[sadnest]

you know how it goes.
best friend goes off to college, and leaves his girl. they try to maintain long distance relationship. of course, it falls apart. one night, bad things happen between his supposed "best friend" (me) and his ex-girlfriend. well, neither the friend (me) nor the girl feel good about what they have done and they promise nothing will ever happen again. of course, that promise falls apart.

now this is the part that gets me. gets me BBBAAADD.

FOUR MONTHS later. the "friend" (me) and the ex-gf are really just friends, on the surface. they talk like friends, act like friends, and joke like friends (well, not completely), but they both know... you know? they both know.

and one night, FOUR MONTHS later, it happens again. they both knew they were headed towards it, but never strayed off that course. and even though they knew what everyone would think of them... they kept on.

now, the friend did not want this to happen in the beginning. he noticed how she was acting and told another friend. they saw the same thing and said that he should do whatever he wants. still, he (me) restrained himself, and told himself he could not do that to his best friend. but he f*ck@d up and did it anyway.

why? why does anyone do anything. because he wanted to.

He (I) felt guilty, but she convinced him that he shouldn't be. because things were over between her and his "best friend" off in college. she told him (me) that he (I) had to give it a chance, because they would never know how things might turn out and that they might just be perfect for one another.

and so, she tells him things she's never told anyone else (literally) ...(well, so she says). and he tells her things he's never told anyone else either (but nothing about his "best friend", he never rats on a "friend").

BUT THIS WAS ABOUT ME BEING IN LOVE WITH MY "BEST FRIENDS" GF. SO THIS IS WHAT HAPPENNED.

They (me and her) resolve to tell his (my) "best friend" about them. He (I) tries to contact him on several occasions over a 3-day span. no luck. text message. no luck. voicemail. no luck. one night, the text is sent back, and he knows already. he just knew. gut feeling. and he (I) apologizes for being such a horrible person, but will not break up with her. he (I) had already made that choice....love or friendship?.........love.

The friend off in college calls her and they get to talking.
She drops him (me) and says she needs to get away from everything. needs something new. a week later, she is back with the friend off in college.
the friend moves back into town.
he still accepts him (me) as a friend.
she says she still wants to be his (my) friend, but has made no attempts at actually doing so. outside of the times when she sees him when he is kicking it with his "friend" who was off at college, who is now her bf again, she has never contacted him. what a friend.

and so sad of a person i am, such a horrible person.
I STILL LOVE HER.

please, i need advice.