Compulsive Cheater?, looking for advice.. Options

[[Mediocre]Artist]

It really bugs me to have to ask cB for help, but I can't ask my girls and I certainly can't ask my boyfriend.

I've dated this guy for two and a half years. He knows me inside out, accepts my flaws, helped me when I was suicidal, got me through cutting, stays up with me at night. He's my best friend, without question. Last year I cheated on his with someone I knew. The guy I cheated with was a friend, but I wasn't emotionally attached. I started to thing that I wasn't in love with my boyfriend anymore. The combined things put us in a bit of a fight and after two weeks of being apart I realized I was miserable without him. I was lonely and became completely cold hearted. Just honestly cruel and icy to the point that even I was shocked at myself. Plus I realized I was in love with my ex so we talked a lot and I begged and pleaded (oh so humbling) and we got back together. He forgave me (in fact he's friends with the guy) but I've never forgiven myself.

So its a year later. My eye started wondering towards another guy (vaguely considered a friend to me) after I had two dreams about cheating with him (while one of my friends watched and smiled no less ) and just last night I had another dream about cheating on my boyfriend with some other guy (who I don't even like!). I don't know whats going on with me anymore. Is this a phase or something? I'm really starting to worry about myself.

[SarahxJoy]

I think at some point or another, a lot of people have a wandering eye for other people besides their significant other. I don't really know what to tell you, 'cause I've never been put in this situation, but I guess all I can is this: Consider what's happened in the past, and if you don't want to abuse your relationship, learn from your mistakes and avoid making them again.

Because if you keep on cheating on him, one day he just might want out of the relationship and no longer off any more chances.

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

Since you've been noticing other guys you're being reminded of when you cheated on him. Since you haven't forgiven yourself, you're still feeling guilty and your subconscious is playing on that while your asleep.


The only solution would really be to let it go. Stop punishing yourself, and forgive your mistake. Your boyfriend has, and you've put yourself through enough with the guilt and dreams. Let it go, im pretty sure the dreams should stop and the guilt will be gone if you truly forgive yourself completely. As for actually cheating on him in real life, i can't help you there I can only say is you control what you do. And if you don't want to cheat on him then dont.

[*Uronacid*]

alright, to explain your dream... did you talk about cheating on your first boyfriend with anyone before you cheated on him the first time?

[PrincessAda]

Wow..I think you should think about being single or sticking with the guy you are with.If your intrested in someone else..you can always talk to him and take a break.

[[Mediocre]Artist]

alright, to explain your dream... did you talk about cheating on your first boyfriend with anyone before you cheated on him the first time?

The first two dreams no. The last one I had been thinking about it a lot. I was almost bringing up what happened when I cheated last year, just another person.

[*Uronacid*]

but did you tell anyone that you were thinking about cheating on him before you did it?

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Its hard I know. I took me a week with out my bf and it was hard. I wasent crying on the out side more on the inside. I lost so many friends for my bf and at that time I thought I had nothing. Which was true at that time. I talked to him and we got back together :-) Im also very happy that we did and I dont think that will be happing any time soon. BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT. sorry I driffed off. All you have to remember is that you can and will be able to live with out him. No matter how hard you try... your life will keep going. even though your feelings stay where they are.

[[Mediocre]Artist]

but did you tell anyone that you were thinking about cheating on him before you did it?

No it just sorta happened and I asked one of my best chick friends for advice so she told my boyfriend. Which is why I'm asking you guys.

[*Uronacid*]

do you know who the person was that is staring at you?

[Paradox of Life]

Basically, you're being selfish. You just want your boyfriend to comfort you and help you with all your problems. You don't realize that you're hurting him as well as yourself. I think that you should seperate yourself from him and every other guy for a month or two. He sounds like a good friend, but with all the complications, not someone you want to tie yourself with. You're obviously confused. So don't commit yourself to anything right now. Focus on something else that doesn't require contact with guys. Like .. art, poetry, friends, shopping, fashion, etc.

[*Uronacid*]

Basically, you're being selfish. You just want your boyfriend to comfort you and help you with all your problems. You don't realize that you're hurting him as well as yourself. I think that you should seperate yourself from him and every other guy for a month or two. He sounds like a good friend, but with all the complications, not someone you want to tie yourself with. You're obviously confused. So don't commit yourself to anything right now. Focus on something else that doesn't require contact with guys. Like .. art, poetry, friends, shopping, fashion, etc.

you dont know everything, you cant entirley say that... she hasn't cheated yet...a nd shes trying not to until she has cleared her mind and come to a final decision :)

[Paradox of Life]

^

Last year I cheated on his with someone I knew.

.. Yes, she has cheated on him once and she's thinking about doing it again..

My eye started wondering towards another guy (vaguely considered a friend to me) after I had two dreams about cheating with him

And .. I never said I knew everything. I'm just giving a bit of advice. It may or may not help.

[[Mediocre]Artist]

*sigh* Paradox is just saying the harsh truth that comes with requesting for help. Someone had to. I'd like to think I'm not being selfish considering I'm usually so giving and selfless, but after everything last year its exactly what I beat myself up for.

And Uronacid I don't understand your question if it was directed to me.

[*This Confession*]

well no one get mad at uronacid.

sheesh

Anyway if hes a good boyfriend and you guys have good communication with each other then you should tell him about these dreams and stuff. Be honest with him. If he gets mad then he gets mad, in a way he does have a reason to be. But if it doesn't work out
then its not meant to be. Also, if it doesn't I would actually not date anyone and clear your head and think about what you want in a relationship...and then if you get in another one be ready. Relationships aren't easy, believe me. But for now if you really want to be in this relationship and want it to work then you need to talk to your boyfriend.
Thats all you really can do, and you'll feel a lot better then keeping it inside of you all the time. I know that for a fact as well

and Josh paradox is right, shes just giving advice...only on what she knows about the situation. So shes speaking her opinion of a solution that she think is right, not everyone is going to think its right.



oO
also
dreams don't mean what they really are
they have some similarties to real life
but they usually don't mean your going to do the
exact thing that happend in the dream

[misoshiru]

I personally think that maybe the two of you need a break. It's kind of like what Katt said. I think you need some time by yourself to think it through, what do you really want?

[*My Cinderella.*]

It seems to me that you're having trouble finding out what you really want. I think what's best for you is to give relationships a break for a while, or at least you know for sure what you want and who.

[*Uronacid*]

alright, ill give you my best advice, and ill give you an interpretation of your dream... XD

here's my advice, infact, im going through some similar situations

If you do love your man and you dont want to cheat on him:

- Talk to him (your boyfriend)... no matter how hard it is, tell him what you're thinking and why you're thinking about it (If you don't know why you're thinking about it. Think back to when the thoughts first occured.). Be mindful of the words that you choose, and why you chose them. Make sure he understands that you're telling him because you don't want to cheat on him.

- Talk to the guy you're thinking about foolin with. Make sure he understands that you don't want to fool with him, and that you still want to be friends (if you do). If he thinks that you do want to fool around with you, then he will probobly make the situation more difficult than it already is... and believe me, that's not what you want. If he doesn't respect your wants and needs then you need to stop chillin with that dude.

- learn to avoid situations that make you feel the desire to cheat or fool around (example: if being alone in the same room with this guy gives you this desire, you probobly shouldn't put yourself in that situation.). If you don't avoid these situations, you're just going to be making the situation extremely difficult for yourself. You personally know your limits and what makes you snap. DON'T PUT YOURSELF INTO SITUATIONS THAT WILL MAKE YOU SNAP!

My interpretation of your dream:
When you have sex with people other than your partner in deams it generally means that something is missing. Maybe you feel unappriciated or that something is missing from your relationship. Many times this will occur when you feel that your partner isnt't meeting one of your needs in a relationship. It probobly doesn't mean that you want to cheat on him, but only that you're looking for this need in someone else. Also, these dreams are common if your at a point where you are questioning/narrowing down what your looking for in the type of person that you want to spend your life with. Either way, you are missing something that you don't feel your boyfriend is giving you at this piont.
The fact that you know who you're having sex with in the dream says that you see this missing piece within the personality of this guy that you're thinking about cheating on him with.
The thing with your friend looking at you could mean a variety of different things. It may be just that your friend is happy that you have finnaly found what you wanted or needed in a relationship.

To make this dream go away you need to talk to your boyfriend about what your wants and needs are and help him meet them.

[Mini]

I think you're just taking him for granted. We all are guilty for doing that at some point or another; when you lost him, you realized that he was an important person in your life. When you guys got back together, you think he's going to stay with you no matter what-whether it was a conscious thought or not. If you do cheat on your boyfriend again, if he has any self-respect, he will leave you. Think about the consequences to your actions; if you don't want to risk breaking up with him, then control your urges.

I suggest you think about Uronacid's suggestions and interpretation of your dreams; I totally agree with them.

[*Uronacid*]

yeah im really intrested in what she thinks of my advice >.<

[[Mediocre]Artist]

=) Thanks guys cause everything you say is true. Uronacid, you're kinda right about me wanting something that's lacking in my boyfriend and its one of those things I'll just have to deal with. I did do a lot of thinking and figured a little bit about where this all comes from. We've been dating a long time, we're best friends, and half the school looks to us as some sort of ideal couple meant to last forever. We talk about marriage and a life together and thats all good and well. But we started dating when I was 15. Part of me doesn't want to be with someone for the rest of my life right now. I want to date around and meet other people and not be completely commited to one person, but I don't want to lose my boyfriend. Its really hard to accept that I might have found the one person for me just at a horribly early time in my life. I think the idea of cheating just came as some awful compromise between the two choices. It really comes down to me deciding if I really really really want to commit myself to someone right now. Since we're so close and share so much, I think I'd rather have him and just live with wondering what-if.

[*Uronacid*]

i completely understand how you feel

[absinthe]

honestly, i think you're beginning to take your boyfriend for granted. if he does all those things for you and you've begun to accept them as everyday things, then the sparkle goes out of it. you said before, when the same thing happened, you just needed a wicked reminder. hence, my advice to you, is to not meet him for a week or so, and see how you feel. if you're fine without him, then the relationship is ending. if you feel miserable, then i'm right in my speculation.

editGOD DAMNIT MINI! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GIVE THE SAME ADVICE?! haha<3

[xmoon_lightx]

If i were you i would stick with him. Hes been there for you through think and thin so i dont think you should cheat on him, maybe he wont forgive you this time