Createblog Diary, Version 8.0 Options

[SarahxJoy]

Dear CB Diary,

Quincy sent me two letters, and I just got them yesterday. They were two poems. I him, he's so sweet. As for school, there's been a lot more drama with my freshman peeps. Mostly caused by one person, and soon enough everyone is going to explode. Someone needs to tell her, and I can only hope that things will get better from this kind of confrontation. But with things like this, you can never be too sure. I guess we'll have to see.

Also, I went to my pediatrician today for my usual six-month checkup. My mom asked about scoliosis and my pediatrician checked my spine for it. Apparently I have a slight curve near the bottom of my spine, and she also noticed that the muscles on the left side of my back are a lot more tense than the ones on my right. So she had me take x-rays, and soon enough we'll get the results from that and then I might have to see another doctor. Then lately I've also been getting a lot of what my pediatrician calls, "tension headaches". I guess I have been stressed out about some stuff.

I need to take a break. From just..everything. I think at this point in time, where school is coming to its end and finals are coming, along with the start of summer, everyone needs a little break.

Sarah Joy

[Rachel]

Dear cB diary,
I want to be happy again. Please, let it happen soon. I don't know how much more I can take. 10 days left of school is too much. I can't be around him anymore. I just can't. Please let college be amazing.

[xTINAA]

Rachel,

Dear cB Diary,
So, wow, some new things have occured in the past few days.

First off, I might move to New Mexico. Actually, scratch that, my family might move to New Mexico as I stay behind in Colorado. Wow. Great, right? It came so suddenly, honest. I would have never guessed moving to New Mexico, let alone moving out of state. It's crazy. I get that it most likely will be better for my family, with my dad having the promotion and all, but I won't have a home anymore. I'll be going to school here with my family in New Mexico. And sure, so many kids do that, hello, out of state students in college. But I don't want to do that. That is why I chose to stay in state...to BE in state, to BE with my friend, and to BE with my family. I have no home. Where do I go on the weekends? Stay up in Greeley or at friend's houses every weekend? That's ridiculous. Then what during breaks? I have to go all the way to New Mexico? It's crazy to me. But I guess I'll just pray about it and wait to see what happens. I mean, nothing is finalized so I guess I shouldn't stress. Oh and dude, can you believe when I told my best friend of fourteen years the news, she said, "That's awesome!" Wow.

Anyway, WOW. Prom is going to be hella expensive. Hot damn. I did not imagine it being so expensive. I thought maybe $300 or so. Boy, was I wrong! More like $650. sh*t dude. Sometimes being a girl is such a major pain in the ass and trying to look beautiful is too. Isn't that crazy though? That's so expensive!!! Gee, Phillip is not even paying $300. Another crazy thing is that it's in TWO WEEKS. WOAH. To me that's so soon. Everything is coming so soon. What is also in around two weeks? Graduation! HOLY CRAP I'm excited. And what else? My dad has to give his answer about moving to New Mexico. That I'm not so excited about.

I really wish I could be happier. I know that if I was with him, I would be. I'm sure of it. To be honest, the reason why I'm happy at all right now is because of him. He doesn't even know it, but it is. I'm just so glad we are talking and trying to be friends and that we are going to prom together. I know it might be awkward and of course it's a bit of a struggle, but I'm totally for it all. I know it will be worth it. The best things in life are worth working for, right? I sure hope so. I don't want to set myself up to crashing and burning again. Although I guess in a way it'd be worth it just to have these moments with him. I don't know, I sound like a psycho.

Well off I go to call him now...he told me too. That's somewhat exciting? Haha. Oh and my history exams are the next two days! CRAP. ):
-Me.

[*stephinika*]

Rachel -

Dear cB diary,

Life isn't bad. Got that horrid physics test over with today. But anyways...things with him have been much better as of last Friday. That cry session helped I think and I was just so open with him and all...so yeah. This Saturday will be fun though. But seriously, those conversations last weekend made me feel much better and more confident in 'us' really. Also, just...all the little things that have been getting better...all the stuff we did at the beginning of this all is happening again.
I like it.

[*jooleeah*]

Dear Createblog Diary,
EOCT's are over.

I feel like there should be a huge weight lifted off my back....
but that's not happening for some reason.

Damn. Bleh.

[Jane Doe.]

...


I don't want to be creatively dead anymore. I want to create and produce and just..do! To make, to maketomaketomake!
I am so sick of being afraid of judgment and this keeping from doing things I'd like.
It ends now.

Still have to figure out how to push myself to get things done, but still.
I needn't get frustrated. Still have to organize myself, too..

I may not be a creative writer, a beautiful person, a talented designer or even have enough confidence to utter a hello to a stranger--but I still have the right to express myself however I see fit. And maybe it can amount to something decent.
Damnit.
I need patience. Please, just that. I have to start writing things down. And reading to increase my thoughts, and give me ideas, and examples of writing..
I don't want to be scared anymore! I don't want to feel inadequate, even if I am.
I have my own perspective, as well..and just because I don't create or think things all the same, doesn't mean it's not "good", right? It doesn't mean I'm useless, right...?

If this is one of my manic episodes, why not just have me be extremely promiscuous and "friendly" rather than all of this, when I'll just be sad the next day/week/month?
Is this rational or am I just thinking "well"?
Ugh. I just want to be happy.
And then to stop being so self-centered [snickers at the amount of "I"s in this post].
Ooooh, I want to learn how to mail cute things to people!
GOD, what a talent that is. Srsly, just..cute little envelopes and..BOXES. Aaaaah, packaging tape!! Aw, I want to send people stuff >:(.

[*Statues/Shadows*]

I think it would be fair to say that I'm failing life right now. I have little confidence that I got over a 3 on my AP language exam, and I have even less faith that I even passed the APUSH exam. Then, I thought I was ready for the IB oral. I was wrong. Or, perhaps I wasn't really wrong, because I should have been ready, but I have no luck at all. now I have all sorts of tests coming up, and I could not be much less amused. Whatever happened to the end of the school year being something to look foward to? now I'm actually willing to just let if continue if it means less compressed tests and the inevitable report card. Arghhhh. This has really been one of those days. Me + stress + hormones = horrifying.

And I'm so f**king sick of being contradicted. Just don't when I'm like this. Just nod and agree. Fake sympathy is all I require.

[xPartyGrlDx]

Dear CB Diary,

I'm back & I know you missed me. Just kidding. Now that I have started posting here again, my procrastination is going to get higher again. Oh, joy. Two more weeks of school anyways. I'm going to seriously miss my class of 2006 <3

CHRIS GOT OUT OF AMERICAN IDOL. Taylor seriously needs to get out .. maybe Katherine (cause I seriously want a boy to win, but then again Taylor is NOT American Idol material).

Ok. Got to stop procrastination. Dang. Got to get ready for pre-poine. Later.


Denise

[*Intoxique*]

Dear cB Diary,

I need to get my life back on track. I did so much thinking today & a lot of crying. God, I never use to be this sad sobbing girl. I changed so much lately. I hate myself, inside & outside. I can't stand this anymore.
Today I sat in the shower & started crying, lost track of time. I don't know why I always feel like crying in the shower now. Maybe 'cause when I cry in the shower no one can hear me cry. It's like the water is my comfort food. I wish I never had to get out.
So many things have been going wrong lately. Hmmm Eric. I broke up with him, hookup with him again - a couple of times. A couple of days ago I told myself that I would get over him & continue my life. I though it would be that easy. Well obviously I didn't get over him & now I want him back. I guess the only reason I want him back is because I got jealous of him being with her. Ooh, btw guess who is 'her'? One of my so-called good friends. Like f**k lady? Ever heard of 'Don't Date Your Friend's Ex?'. If he when back to any random slut then I wouldn't be mad but since he when back to my one of my 'close friend' it just pisses me off.
f**k, I feel like getting into my bathroom again & just cry. f**king drama never ends in my life. God, I can list like 6828906802608 other things that are going wrong in my life. f**k, why can't this pain just end?

- Me <3.

[emazing]

Dear cB Diary,

YES. Life is going alright at the moment.
I'm laughing and crying at the same time from YouTube videos, believe it or not. &I'm starting to like this new single life of mine.
Hope all is well with everybody else ♥
Emazing/Emmie.

[xTINAA]

Dear createBlog Diary,
I think it's safe to say I'm still completely confused with this whole Phillip ordeal and I think it's also safe to say I'm really nervous about going to Prom with him. Besides that, everything else is looking alright. The whole moving to New Mexico thing doesn't seem so big, bad, or scary anymore. I mean sure I still don't know if I could handle such a big change but it might be for the best. I talked with my mom today and I believe that if my family were to move to New Mexico, I would stay here in Colorado and live in my emo's house by myself. Sure it's a big, lonely house for just myself but at least I'd be here in Colorado and then I'd have a home. That way I wouldn't have to live with other people and bother them. But yeah, I'm really looking forward to the idea of living by myself actually. I'm seeing so many possibilities. Of course there are going to be down sides but it doesn't help to look at those in case they really do have to move. Boy will it be different though.

It's actually rather late so I think I'll write more another time. To sum it all up though, things are going alright. Of course they could be better and of course they could be worse but it's always like that. At least I'm not in some super sad/angry/bitter mood where I'm crying every moment.
-Me.

[SarahxJoy]

Dear createBlog Diary,

So, yesterday I found out that I have scoliosis. Greeaat. That means, more doctors. I'm tired of doctors. In fact, I have another doctor appointment on the twenty-second of this month with my endocrinologist. Geh. Anyway, when I saw my pediatrician a few days ago, my mom brought up the subject of me possibly having scoliosis. So I took some x-rays and near the bottom of my spine, it's curved a little to the left side, but just enough to the degree of actually having scoliosis. Grr.

And as for Stephanie, I think she's finally getting the message of how I feel about her. Took her forever.. I don't know, she's just so hard to be around.

There are a lot of other stuff I could write about in here too I guess, but I'm too lazy. Finals are coming in the first week of June. We'll be taking exams on my birthday, ehck. Phooey.

Sarah Joy

[*Intoxique*]

Dear cB Diary,

So f**king glad it's the weekend. Sleep in late & no drama from nasty bitches. So major change from last cB Diary post. Even though it was only 15 hours since my last post. A lot has changed. Bad to good.
Eric. That cocky bastard. Yeah? Over that fag. For sure this time. We won't be talking for a long ass while but that's fine with me. I don't want attention from him anymore. I'm glad I am finally over him. Now I am single & ready to 'mingle'. How cheesy .
Alex, damn I love this boy. He's such a amazing friend that I can go to & bitch to him about everything. We already made plans for next year together even though we aren't dating. We are just, I guess - really close friends. I am fine with that though. I don't wanna be in the dating scene for a while. That breakup with Eric was messy & I wanna just be away from it all for a while. Anyways him, Nicole & I made a plan for next year that we will visit this school one day & walk by smoking 'fake' weed . We will have to come up with something for the 'fake' weed. Gosh, so many bad & good memories from this school. I'll be sad to leave but I am hella glad I am getting out of this shitty school.
Anyways, I am currently happy & it feels like I haven't been happy in a long while. Hopes all goes well this week .

- Me <3.

[Jane Doe.]

...


I really hope I have Polycystic ovary syndrome.
ARGH.
But I don't want an ultrasound! >:[.

Hahaha, wow--all of my posts are in either Myspace Help or the "What are you listening to?" thread. Snort.
Oh. Damn. I forgot to call my lawyer again. CRAP.
I have to organize myself. Everything has to be right. It just has to.
I think it says something about myself that I've never had a significant other. Not a silly boyfriend in elementary I'd annoy--nothing. I am trying hard not to care, but it can be incapacitating, at times.. And the fact that the only person [or people] that has/have been attracted to me are much older men that cared nothing for me. And one was a relative.
Hate.
I can get along with people, and maybe, after time, stop worrying and worrying, but I don't know if I, or the other person, has the patience to. But I don't like lost opportunities for friendship. But being so scared doesn't protect me at all. I can avoid those that annoy me and I want nothing to do with, but not my friends. If they show any interest in me and my odd talking, I should see that and act like a friend, not say "..I wasn't feeling well.." even if it's the truth.
I am also aware that it is not healthy to hope to grow old and die of some terminal disease--and no, I'm not "emo" --just feeling overwhelmed due to nothing.
Wow. I am fruitless? Futile..? Barren may be right, but I'd never find out...
And I have to fix everything before saying anything more.

[xPartyGrlDx]

Dear cB Diary,

Excited for the dance. Last dance before our graduation dance. The dance is at SJB & they have a HUUUGE hall. So I can't wait to see it. Ok. I have to go now to beat any traffic on the freeway.

Denise

[*jooleeah*]

Dear Createblog Diary,
This is my last chance. I don't want to waste it.

Heh. I think that "motivation" type of feeling is coming back again.

Lets just hope it lasts.

[dancingkait]

dear cb diary

so this past week i haven't really been myself. with my ballet exam (which im so relieved to have done!) and tests and such i just haven't had my head on straight. especially when it comes to him. last week me and him went out we were so close. we came back to my house and cuddled, held hands...basically everything that i had been waiting for with him. but this week, especially yesterday, i've been feeling like i want to, i guess you could say 'fly solo'. that's the way i am. from time to time i don't want to have the guy all over me. and usually when i act that way he tries harder to get close to me. which bugs me then i push away...it's a vicious cycle. but now he wants to talk about it. he thinks too much about everything and whatever i answer isn't clear enough for him. i don't want to talk about it. i don't even know how i'm feeling. sometimes i want to date him soo badly. but then there are other times when i just want to stay best of friends with him. and i have no clue what he wants from me. which totally throws me off. because he's always saying how it bugs him when people ask him "are you two going out yet?" or "when are you going to ask her out?". but then he tells me that he thought we had something and now it seems like we don't. this happened the last time as well. maybe we shoudl just stay friends...i don't know what to do. why am i such a retard when it comes to relationships? this happens everytime. ...actually that's a lie. last time it didn't but it did reverse on me and i was left alone... i just wish i could make up my mind about how i feel about him. i can't wait to go to grad with him and stuff, but i don't know if we're on the same page and it's soo hard to talk to him about it.

sigh..

[SarahxJoy]

Dear createBlog Diary,

I have a terrible headache right now. Lately, I've been getting a lot of terrible headaches. Most of them, as my pediatrician told me, seem to be "tension headaches". Agh. Also, my mom wants to get my vision checked a little earlier this year, just in case.

Earlier today, my parents and I took a longgg walk around our neighborhood and beyond. It's really hot today, but at least it's not humid. I feel good, and not because I took a really nice shower afterwards. I like to excercise, it makes me feel good. :)

Later on, we're all going to go to the movies to watch "MI:III". We're leaving in about two hours.

Sarah Joy

[shortiiex]

dear cb diary,
i am so pissed off right now
i thought today would be fun but wtf happens? i am glad i ditched them this is so f**king retarded. this is why they shouldn't do sh*t liek this.

[*mzkandi*]

Dear cB,

fyhfuioyfiohgfklgehlgewgewhgio

......and that's all I have to say.

-K

[SarahxJoy]

Dear cB Diary,

I'm tired. Not from that long walk with my parents earlier today, but from a lot of things. Lately I've been easily annoyed with such simple things. Why? I don't know. I need a change, because it feels like life is being repetitive, from day to day. Again. But I think that what I really want, is this: A day all to myself, where I won't be bothered whatsoever---no worries at all. I want a day responsibility-less. It feels like I've been putting myself through a lot, under so much pressure and expectation: mentally, spiritually, morally, and all of that put together is physically weighing me down.

I'm tired of people's egotistical personalities shoved into my face, like I was put on this earth to take it. Wtheck? Don't brag about things to me, don't boast to me. Stop telling me your problems and about the things you people can't fix. I'm not a miracle worker. I like to help you, but hardly everyone is there to offer me assistance when I sometimes need it the most. Then when people do realize I want help, they think I'm whining.

And I've been having chest pains, the heck? It's happened before, but not two days in a row. Today and yesterday, I got this..really sharp pain in my chest. My mom said it's because the muscles are tight or something.

Anyway, it's midnight now. I should go to bed. I'm making breakfast for everyone tomorrow morning, as part of my Mother's Day gift to my mom <3.

G'night createBlog peeps.

Sarah Joy

[*CrackedRearView*]

Dear createBlog Diary,

On this, the hardest of days, I trudge and trudge and I don't ask questions. And I ask myself what I would be doing today if, well, y'know...

Just, let her know that I love her and that I miss her and that I'm sorry for all the bullshit. I'd say that's a modest request from a modest man.

I love you mom.

Justin

[*Intoxique*]

Dear cB Diary,

Argh, I am sad that the weekend is over. I can't f**king stand school or anyone there anymore. Stop the drama godamnit. There still like 52960298609 days of school left. I'll probably not even make it till the end. f**king bitches.

- Me <3.

[Teesa]

Dear CB Diary,

Almost done, almost done. High school ends officially this Friday. Not quite sure how I feel about it yet exactly. Obviously I am super excited. But I need all my friends. Sure, I'll keep in touch and make many more new ones, but I like seeing all the familiarity. *sigh*

Prom is coming up this Saturday. Boy, I am excited. About being pampered mostly :) And dancing the night away. And seeing everyone dressed like princes and princesses. I know I will have a good time, no matter what. At least I hope.

I wish liking someone could be like an on/off switch. And I want so desperately to turn it off, but it's kind of jammed in the middle. I think the switch is broken or something. There must be something wrong with me. I have no clue about him, but I like him. Doesn't that just sound weird? He looked so good today and what happened? Absolutely nothing. As usual. Not that I'm surprised or anything. I want everyone to shutup and this is what I want ot say: I am not pretty enough for guys like that. Seriously, I am not. All of my other friends are absolutely gorgeous and they all have been in relationships, but I haven't. It's not like my personality sucks. At least, I hope not. I love my friends to death, but I can honestly say that I am jealous of most of them in some way. So, I need to stop liking him. Which I will, like right now.

I wish.

--Teesa

[*Intoxique*]

Dear cB Diary,

Life is f**king unbearable.

- Me <3.

//edit. Argh, I can't f**king stand this anymore. I want to get the f**k out of here. I think this calls for another crying fest. I hate this feeling.