Createblog Diary, Version 8.0 Options

[*stephinika*]

originally started by faithin_felix.

You guys know how it works.




Dear CB diary,

Wow, it's been awhile since I've been in here. Europe was absolutely amazing, but I'm sad to be home. I missed my own bed and Adrian but other than that...I want to go back. I miss it so much. Now that I'm home, there's so much stress and so many stupid things to do...ugh, its driving me crazy. Fiddler practice yesterday was so frustrating because people are so stupid. At least I saw Adrian. That was absolutely wonderful. I love just being with him. I missed him so much. It made me so happy that he came to the airport to see me when I got back. It was a lovely surprise. It really was. Got sick when I got home though for a few days which really sucked. I'm feeling better now though...still tired. I want to see him again. I can't help being so...attached. I just love being with him and everything so much. We need to makeup for the time I wasn't here...

[*lolita kitty*]

dear cb diary,

yesterday was so fun.
i wont type it out again, but yeah. i mean, dads dont get married all that often.
the thought that joy is going to move in with us scares me, though. i didnt like her to begin with, i still dont like her.
im still at courtneys.
dads going on his honeymoon with her next week.
friggen jamaica.
lucky bitches.

- cassie

[*Phoenixx*]

Dear Cb Diary,

Lately I have been very tired and have no motivation to do anything. I keep avoiding my friends but they don't get that I do not like hanging out with them. Don't get me wrong. I really like my friends. They're caring and nice but so mundane. They hang out every night and do the same thing. Couples make out on couches and the others sit around and talk/dance/watch a movie. Sometimes I can't take it though I know it's wrong. I should appreciate and care for my friends// just be thankful that I have them. I like sitting at home watching movies and listening to music. I'd rather do that then waste another night watching my friends make out. Does this make me a bad person?

Also, I have a friend who is so well off. Her parents work hard for her yet she has to be upset all of the time. Nothing ever works out for her and she is so d*mn narcissistic. I can't hold coversations anymore because she is the only one talking. Whenever I try to say something she has to bring herself into it and I know she only cares about what I have to say so she can relate with her own experiences. She is always unhappy. She has a wonderful life yet she doesn't appreciate it.

I don't know.

[*jooleeah*]

dear createblog diary,
i hate knowing that i'll never be content. there's always, always something about myself or someone or something that's not good enough and unsatisfying. why? why is it so hard for me to be fine with who i am? i'm wondering that after this dieting and working out thing...once i get my body "toned", will i even be happy? will all that hard work go to waste? that's so stupid how i think once my physical appearance turns good, i'll be so much "happier".
i have the greatest friends in the world. they're so amazing. they're just such great people. they're ALWAYS there if i need them. am i the same? am i just as good as a friend? i'm worried that i'm not. i'm so f**king selfish. i hate selfish people. that just makes me a hypocrite, doesn't it? god.
i wish i had motivation. i wish i would put more effort into things. it's like..i just dont' care about things anymore. it's so terrible. so sad. blarrrr.
i wish i had a person to love as well. not friend like..but..you know. i just keep on watching these soap operas and reading all these love stories..and it makes me yearn for a type of love that they have. all of it is fake, though..right?

ahh. i'm just rambling. i'm so disappointed in myself.

[Teesa]

Dear CB Diary,

So, not much has changed since my last entry. Well, Baba and Ma have stopped fighting. They can't go more than seven days without speaking to each other. Then they realize they can't live without each other. It just sucks that they need a fight to come to that conclusion. But whatever. I love them with everything I've got.

Thank goodness for Spring Break. I love it so far.

Went down to Fort Collins. EH. I'm choosing Boulder I guess. It seems weird talking about college. Hm.

Also went to an Indian party after a while. I love the people's house we went to. So nice and so cute. Mm, also watched my NCAA bracket crumble quite a bit. I gave Dada a 5 minute sportscaster commentary in OT on the Uconn v. George Mason game. Lol, I gotta do that for a living.

I also haven't seen him in a month. So, it's totally dumb of me to still be talking about him when I think I've kind of even forgot his lovely face. But I have come to the conclusion that I just have to go back and work there. If I don't, the reason would be because of him, which is very dumb of me. So, that's that. UGH. I want a boy. Kind of.

--Teesa

[*stephinika*]

Dear CB Diary,

God I love him. I keep having funny daydreams though of the future...but we have talked about it and things are working amazingly right now. He's my world...I don't know what I'd do without him...especially if he has to move away...agh. I really hope he doesn't.
In the meantime, life isn't so bad. A bit stressful, but meh.

[*islandgirl4eva*]

Dear cB diary,

I'm so happy that April is right around the corner. I've pretty much had enough of this school for a while and I'm ready for summer. Ready for a change. I still have my ups and downs, but I'm trying really hard to stay optimistic. For every dark cloud there is a silver lining. It helps to remember that.

More details later. For now, it's nap time

[me1issaaaa]

Dear CB Diary,


SOMEBODY ASKED ME TO PROM.

[*chaneun*]

Dear cB diary:

I want to move out.. now. I don't care if my family misses me or not, I just don't care. I told them that I don't want to go to Princeton for college, then they get all mad. And they wonder why I don't want to go to college instate, when I do go.
Ugh.
edit;; Only Angie knows what I'm talking about.

[flc]

Dear cB Diary,

My birthday's in five days. =)

I had a great time with Dom. He's a sweet guy but I wish he would take me to prom. -_-

- Francesca

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Not now. Not today. I did NOT need this. I hate her. I absolutely hate her. I've honestly never in my entire life been quite this jealous. I used to be her friend. Now...she's gone but it haunts me. I just get this horrid gut feeling whenever she's around him and I can't stand it. And he's going tonight. He's going. When I found out, I hoped and prayed he wouldn't be able to or just not go...but he is and I can't do anything about it. He's going. If she lays a hand on him...augh. This is breaking me. Today of all days, I can't take this. I'm at my breaking point as it is, this just shoved me right off the edge. I want her to leave. And I vaguely remember a statement of her going there for university...if they both did, I would shoot myself.

[iDecay]

Dear cB diary,

So, today sucked. SHE was flirting again, and again, ignoring me. It pisses me off so much. I just want to strangle her! After school, Bryant, Max, and I went to Lucy's house. It started out fine, we put our things away, ate, watched some television, did our project. Then, Lucy's sister interupted. I swear, that little brat ruins everything. We stopped on our project because of her. So, Max and Bryant were playing around with our phones and taking pictures, then, it happened. Lucy took Bryant's phone out of curiosity and looked through it. Earlier, she had entered her phone number into Bryant's adress book. Erica, Max, Maxim, Tina, everyone was there, except for who? LUCY. I know she really liked him, but she was just heartbroken. She wasn't even on his address book. He deleted her from it. Why? I have no idea. The rest of the time, everything went downhill. Lucy and I were sending each other messages back and forth while Max and Bryant 'played around' with Lucy's sister. I felt so sorry for her. Max and Bryant were so clueless.. So, we finally finished (WITHOUT ANY OF BRYANT'S HELP AT ALL :stuborn:) and it was time to go. Max's dad came and drove him home. Lucy's dad went drove Bryant and I home. The carride was really.. I don't know.. Weird.. Lucy kept talking to me about it and Bryan't just acted clueless.. I finally got home, relaxed. Ah, home sweet home..

[*jooleeah*]

dear cb diary,
no.
i can't.
i won't.
but i will. goddamnit, i have to.

[silver-rain]

Dear CB Diary,

Meh. Today wasn't such a great day... Rejected from Columbia. My dream school. The school I had such great plans to attend. The school that I knew I had to go to ever since I got into the middle school I wanted to. The school that I love. I love walking around the campus. I love exploring the buildings. I just love so much about it. And now, there's nothing I can do. I can always try to transfer next year. Sigh. I am so disappointed in myself.
Waitlisted at Cornell. Supposedly the easiest ivy to be admitted to. If I couldn't get accepted, this reflects on me too. The colleges claim that these rejects don't mean that I'm stupid... but it just hurts so much. Everything I've been working for was for Columbia. I really hoped to see myself one day on the campus that I would always visit. But I guess that's the problem... All I had was hope. But what use is that than to create false pretenses.
This really hurts so much. The worst pain I have felt. Coupled with the reflections published in the paper of the two Stuy students that died, I just couldn't stop crying today.
Eh, I guess there's always NYU.

[AngelinaTaylor]

Dear cb diary:

I wish he cared.. I really do. Even a friend that I vaguely know cared more about me yesterday than he has for the past few weeks.. and it shouldn't be like that.

Taylor``

[Teesa]

Dear CB Diary,

This spring break flew by so fast and I feel like there's still so much to get done. I guess there is a lot still left of my high school career.

I think there's something wrong with me. I don't like hanging out with my friends much anymore. I get bored and tired really easily. It's not that they are the ones that are boring, it's just that I get bored with what we're doing, or not doing. Gosh, I love them to death, but I don't know. I feel disgusted with myself lying to everyone and saying I have other things to do when I really am doing nothing (except for sitting here typing out a CB diary entry ). I hate liars, and I am a hypocrite. I complain about not going out...when I can.

Gosh. It seems like there is something missing. Something lacking. I can't put my finger on it, but I know something's missing. Maybe I don't know what it is because I've never had it. Who knows? One thing I do know is, is that I'm tired. And bored. At this rate, I will have no friends. What a concept. I've lost interest in things I'm assuming. I hate high school, not that excited for college, and want things to change. I hate looking at the same things, being at the same places, hearing the same complaints, just a lot of things.

Something has to change. I've been telling myself this, the entire year. Maybe the change needs to come from me.

--Teesa

[*jooleeah*]

Dear Createblog Diary,
Legs ache.
Tired.
Sick of physical appearance.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.

f**k. I'm in a bad mood. :[

[xTINAA]

Julia, I freaking love you. Talk to me if you feel like poo because I will try my hardest to cheer you up!!

Dear cB Diary,
I haven't written in a while, I'd say. Not that much has really changed or happened to me. Go figure.

So he's ignoring me. Why? I have no idea. I wish he'd at least talk to me to tell me why he's going to ignore me. That'd be nice. I can't not talk to him. It doesn't work like that. I can't not see him. It doesn't work like that. He needs to be a part of my life and I need to be a part of his as well. I don't get it. How can he just act like this and push everything away? It's the weed I tell you. It has to be. I've been watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind quite a lot and you know, it speaks to me. Even though they wanted their memories of each other to be erased, they end up realizing that they love each other and no matter the outcome, they still want those memories, etc. Why can't Phillip see that? Why can't he see that no matter how hard he tries everything that happened, happened, and the memories are important because soon that's all we'll have. I just want him. Is that so bad??

Prom is coming up. What a joke. I don't want to go. I want a date. I don't want a friend to take me as a friend. I want someone to take me as a date. I want Phillip. Again, Phillip, Phillip, Phillip. God, what are you doing??

Okay, enough, enough. Let's talk about this Spring Break. I spent more than half of it at home crying because of Phillip. (Ah, there I go again.) But then I started to go out starting Thursday night. That was fun, I suppose. Saturday night was pretty fun. Drinking a bit, going to the hookah bar, dancing, driving downtown to only turn around and come back home, watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind again, and teepeeing that jerk's house.

Whatever, I guess this week was alright but I'm so sick of everything. Of people and all their stupid drama and even MY own drama and problems. Sick of it all. I just wanna go to college and get away from high school, parents, etc. And mostly I just want him. Ugh I hate myself because all I do is talk about him and think about him and god damnit even when I'm trying not to it still happens. What the hell...This sucks.

Man, and now that Spring Break is over I have so much shit to do. Brilliant Christina, bloody brilliant to leave it all to the last possible minute. Story of my life. I do everything wrong. Why do I even try anymore? I might as well just kiss that IB diploma goodbye. I don't even think I'll pass the tests anyway so all of this work just seems pointless when I could be doing other things like sleeping, though that is a pathetic way to spend my time. In fact, I think I'll go do that now. I don't know why but I just love sleeping. It's my favorite. It takes me away from this hell-hole world and I get to dream. In my dreams I can actually be happy.

I must sound insane...
-Me.

[Flavored Condom]

Dear CB diary,

I'm using my brother's computer right now. It's near since it's brand new (unlike mine). I love how the keyboard isn't as worn out as the one I usually use. All it needs is AIM and I can launch! Nothing much happened except the smell of Salmon is cooking.

I love Kingdom Hearts 2. There's just too many cut scenes, but I love it. I'm hoping on finishing it in less than a month (around April 25).

[*islandgirl4eva*]

Dear cB diary,

It's April, and as sad as I can be sometimes, I'm so happy it's here. Friday I went to the beach with Karen and it was wonderful. The breeze was warm and the sand felt so nice beneath my feet. I was a knee length, A-line skirt that day, and the way it blew to and fro in the wind made me feel free. I let my hair loose and felt as if I could fly. Oh, what I'd give to make that moment last forever.

How is it that you can feel, even smell, spring? As sure as I'm sitting here I can feel it in the air. I love it. Right now I've got both windows open wide. I want to take as much of it in as I can. I know that soon it'll be gone and summer will burn everything.

Last night was horrible. I've never felt so desperate in my life. Evan called me made me realize just how lonely I am. Do I give in? Do I let things go back to the way they were? I'm not sure anymore. I can't even remember why I hate him anymore. I can't remember how he broke my heart. All I see, all I hear, is the way he said my name and smiled at me. How he used to hold onto me as if he was holding onto life itself. I felt cherished. Thank goodness I talked to Dustin, Chrissy, and Kiera. I was alone in my room, in the dark, and it was storming outside. I felt so disconnected from life. It almost felt as if I would never feel the light again.

[*jooleeah*]

Chrissy, I love you more. Same to you if you're ever feeling down, okay?

Naomi, feel better. I know I can't do much :[ Don't let him bring you down.

Dear Createblog Diary,
So. New York has been alright. I just kind of wish that I had friends to hang out with here. I mean, I just met Frank, Amy, and Jason. They're all really nice people, but obviously I don't know them well. We don't have much to talk about, really...eh. I was hoping to get Jason more (since he's around my age), but NY kids are still in school. It sucks. Haha. I have to admit, he's cute. Anyway, hanging out with family isn't exactly the best thing to do, especially if my temper is high. -.- god. I was about to blow up at Henry and Mom today. They can be so frustrating. Dad's just crazy, Henry and Mom just walk off whenever they want, and Serina and Alex are insane. Their temper is x3987439847's worse than mine is. Seriously, they freak out when one little thing happens. It feels like I'm the only sane person in our family. AHH. And I am this close to becoming insane. >:[ BLAH.

Calling home and other kids that I normally talk to on the phone is nice and all, but I just feel like I'm bothering them. Like they have something better to do. I SHOULD have something better to do. I'm in freaking New York. But I can't go anywhere alone. I can't go out with friends since I don't have any here (or any that I can meet up/hang out with). Ah. It all just kind of sucks. Family is boring. Sorry.

I probably sound insane typing this. And selfish, too. People have always wanted to go to NY! -__- Why aren't I enjoying this? I mean, I am...but not as much as I hoped I would. Blah.

Okay, mom's here. Gotta go.
-Julia.

[*islandgirl4eva*]

Dear cB diary,

I should be having the time of my life right now. I should be so happy and carefree. Why do I feel so sick? Why do I hate myself? Honestly, I just want to leave and never come back. I just want to leave the world of material things and be lost where no one can find me. If it were to happen, maybe I'd find some purpose.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

Why am I so constantly paranoid? Why godammit, why!? Fxck. I hate seeing him like this and feeling there's something he's not telling me...he promised me there's nothing and I trust him and that I'm just being stupid again but augh...I just keep getting that feeling, y'know? Then I see her tonight...I act nice but I want to just kill her. Then I saw those pictures...I feel like crying again. I've already talked to him about it and there's no point in this but I can't help it. I don't want to be like this! I hate being like this...it makes me so hateful, and angry and sad and it makes me hate MYSELF because I can't stand thinking and acting like this. Fcuk paranoid. Fxck it. Honestly. I just wish all could be well. Then I'm so stressed about school right now. I hate school. I really, really do. I just want to run away with him and be carefree. Really. I hope he actually likes the surprise I got him and that it all works out...I'm so impatient. I can't wait until August now. Ack. I need a vacation. I need him. I need to feel secure.

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
it's been awhile huh? well, nothing new. i just feel like i don't belong anywhere. i'm so out of place right now....i don't feel like myself. i guess all i can do at a time like this is just study hard and keep my grades up....

[*hello moto*]

dear cb diary,

i know this feeling all too well. unrequited love is the worst isn't it? why do i always seem to like the ones that probably will never return the same feelings? why do i even have hope for something that won't even last. why am i always the one sacrificing, and giving the most in any relationship? and why do they always leave me.