Createblog Diary, Version 8.0 Options

[think!IMAGINARIL...]

Dear cB diary,

today was one of the worst days of the school year. the science statewide multiple choice/open ended was today and you know what happened? my mom goes to school saying that she needs her keys and metrocard. why the f*ck would i have her keys? and i needed the metrocard to go home today. i mean, WTF? she interrupted me in the middle of a test that decides if i go onto 9th grade or not. sure, i'm also gonna have the Earth Science Regents soon, but it doesn't f*cking count! if i don't pass e.science [which is highly unlikely] i just have to take it again in HS. the statewide is one of the most important tests of the freaking school year! and possibly something that defines my future HS classes too. what happened is that i didn't finish the f*cking test 'cause of her. what a bitch! and i didn't get most of the questions 'cause the teacher didn't review anything and it was stuff that i learned in 7th grade and i have the worst memory. so i basically failed and i might be going to summer school this year. its all my moms fault. i bet that i'm gonna fail the test by less than 10 points and if i had actually finished the test, i'd pass. and on top of that, i lent my ruler to someone and they f*cking lost it. it wouldn't seem like much, but i was having a really bad day today. and my f*cking social studies teacher gave me a 90 on my f*cking exit project! it was the first project that i've done a week early and what do i get? a f*cking 90. whoopdef*ckingdoo. i should just go into school with a gun tomorrow [if they don't have metal detectors] and f*cking shoot him. now that would make me feel much better.
what was good about today was that Luis is stupid. in math, 7th period, he asked me what this thing is. i mean, WTF? haha, he was reading the DaVinci Code and it said something about roses and female genitalia and he asked me. LOLS. OMG i was laughing like crazy. haha. no one else knew and he was like bothering me a lot. i told Nicole what it means [she sits behind me], who wrote a note to tell Ashleigh [who sits next to Luis], who refused to explain it to him. i asked him to repeat the sentence he read it in and i told him to repeat the last two words and put it together with the words i told Nicole. and he still didn't get it! then he asked for a 'visual aid.' OMFG. i was laughing like crazy. and he was like. "oohh. what does it do?" lols. and then i just gave up. he asked Zeena later and he was like, "oh. ok. um i don't want a visual aid anymore." LOLS OMFG. haha.
and i'm still laughing.

[priyas]

Dear CB Diary,

So much drama in 1 school day. I feel sorry for Car**. Mar**** is such a bitch. Car** bf's friends are so mean also.

Priya

[*Statues/Shadows*]

I AM SO motherf**king SICK OF HEARING ABOUT PROM

That is all.

(Well. Except that I'm on the verge of another nervous breakdown. The pill fortunately hasn't had any of its real possible side effects on me yet, but my hormones are just nightmarish right now. Plus, I just can't handle the stress that comes from the schoolwork I can't handle, so every little thing I should really care about is getting on my last nerve right now. Prom, in particular, shouldn't get to me so much, and yet...it really is bothering me. Alot. ..obviously. And I can''t study. I know I need to, but I'm so busy sitting here being angry at everything that I can't. This does suck a lot. I feel shitty. Why do I have no control over myself at all?)

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary,

So today was pretty effed up. It started out okay...he was being all weird again, and I tried to brush it off. He'd cheer up then be all...gloomy again. It's driving me crazy, but whatever. Choir after school was retarded. I can't believe she just picked them even when its not her song and she's never heard any of us sing the solos, and they have HAD solos before! Me & S.C. have never this year! Wtf is up with that!? It's not fair. I've never tried for a solo in that choir before and I really wanted this one...I probably wanted it more than her...fxck. I'm so pissed off. Thats bullshit. I can't believe it. FSD:LFUKJCB. Then, before choir I found out she was apparently at the school. Great. Just great. That makes me feel a whole load better. Yeah they're friends but fxck...I can't stand her. I don't want her near him. UGH. Then, I feel so disconnected from my 2 best girlfriends lately...they talk so much more and seem to tell each other so much more, and when I ask they're always like 'It's nothing.' I feel so...isolated. And I don't even feel comfortable enough to bitch to him right now...ever since that one incident, I don't feel like I can tell him all this stuff even though he's said its okay because I know he doesn't really want to hear it...he just deals with it. I could listen to him bitch and moan all day and night, and I'd be okay with it and listen to him because I love him. Godammit...
I hate this.

[emazing]

Dear cB diary,

Eee. I keep on procrastinating about random stuff, and I think I will possibly have a mental breakdown if I keep stressing and spazzing out. My 8th grade promotion ceremony is only a month [maybe less] away, and I need to get a dress or at least something fancy-but-not-too-shmancy, you know? Then our Marine World trip is coming up soon, and I desperately need to get some things for that trip. Oh, and we just had our STAR testing so I guess that's 1 less thing to stop stressing out about.

There's BOYS too. C or N? I have a really bad/good feeling that C cares for me more than N does, but I still love N a whole lot, and he means the world to me.
Now I know how young teens in LUST feel about true love.

Anyway to wrap this all up, I know there are so many people out there that have bigger and more important problems than I do, but these are just problems of mine at the moment, and it needs to be resolved. FAST.
I'm bored and I have mentality issues.
Goodbye</3.

[*jooleeah*]

thanks chrissy

dear cb diary,
i feel uneasy. like a strange part of me has been waiting to come out of me. its rather sickening.

maybe it's just me trying to get rid of all stress. but i know it's not the way to handle it. i'm not a sane person...or at least i'm not going to be one for a while, anyway.

how horrid is this? damn. something is wrong with me.

its like, i feel like i need to do something drastic to change all the horrible things about me. to make wonderful people stop worrying about me. to make me stop apologizing for things i never realized i did. i feel like i need to go through a certain amount of pain for all the things that i've done. not physical, but mental. i just need to get something out of my system. some horrid person inside of me is waiting to come out. i want to leti t out, but i just don't want to let it out in front of people i love the most...

sometimes i wonder why i have so much pent-up anger inside of me. why i have so much hatred for little things that just bother me. why i'm such a hypocrite. i know theres no simple answer though. there could never be one.

Edit://
Dear cb diary,
Wow. My mood completely changed. Maybe it was the Naruto. :P Or maybe it was being able to talk to a couple of friends and catching up with them.

You know? I'm going to prove to Rani that shedoesn't have to worry about me. She's such an amazing friend. She's gone through so much. She shouldn't have to even think about how I'm doing twice. She should worry about herself. Same with everybody else.
I need self-esteem. But how do you get it?
I've been acting like I have it. Through sarcasm. Through being somewhat "blunt".
But obviously, that's all fake.

Ah, well. I don't want to go all introspective. That always gets me into horrid moods.
-Julia.

[priyas]

I AM IN LOVE. END OF STORY.

[*stephinika*]

Dear cB diary...

Why is it whenever I have a good day, something bad always happens and ruins it all?

[Looow]

^ Feel better n remember you can talk to me.
Dear cB diary,

It's killing me knowing that he's out there right now .. I'm just here sitting thinking about what was the last thing he told me. It's killing me and I don't know what to do. ..

fcuk.

[silver-rain]

Dear cb Diary,

Blah, there's only about 26 more days of classes left, and I really wish this was all over. I hate school and the people in it so much. I just can't wait for college where all this high school bs is gone. I can't wait for college so I can have some independence. Blarg.

Prom is stressing me out so much. I have no limo/group to go with, no table, no afterprom just because one friend cancelled on me. I guess this is what I get for not being social and having many real friends. Oh, and I have yet to get a dress too... Fcuk, it's going to cost me so much for one night. It really better be worth it.

And him, I'm so confused. He's acting different, more 'aggressive' about women. Like, he's more open to talking about them, and saying when she's hot, etc. It pisses me off, but I can't do anything about it, just counter with hot guys. Gah, and he doesn't really show that much more affection towards me. Meh, I hope we last though.

[*stephinika*]

Thanks Lo.

Dear cB diary...

I'm feeling better after an emotional phone conversation...sigh. I was really open for once though and I just told him what I thought and how I felt and he seemed to understand...I hope things get better after this...Its good now but...I'm still a teensy bit worried.

[KELLYYY]

Dear cB Diary,

One more month. :\ I don't think I can handle it.

- Kelly

[Teesa]

Dear CB Diary,

Well, this is the home stretch. Finally.

No more classes, just IB tests to get through and it's all over. What a relief. I'm excited. About a lot of things. We got our yearbooks Friday and I just can't wait for all the signing to begin. I can't wait for prom, graduation, work, and all that the summer has in store for me.

I should have done more studying today, but whatever. I'll end with Spain and China tonight and hopefully still be able to remember it next week. I reviewed a little for English. I'm kind of excited for that test. Just a little.

I'm excited about work. Everyone knows that I'm coming back, he said. I hope someone else is aware of his information. Ahhhhh. I'm sucha loser.

I hope my dress is fixed. Well, I still have one more full weekend before prom...I'm stressed but excited about it. I hope he's excited for it too.

--Teesa

[*jooleeah*]

Dear Createblog Diary,
It's sad when I need something so..simple to cheer me up.
But right now, considering the situation, it's the only thing that works.
I've made so many mistakes. And I keep on making them. Why?

I hate it when people look at me, and think that I'm just some silly/nerdy asian girl. What about what's inside? And...why don't people realize that I know more than they think I do? Why don't people realize that I'm not as oblivious as they think I am?

GAH.
KDJFHKSDHFSKDHFJSDHSDFKLFSDKJFSDKLHFSD.

[*islandgirl4eva*]

^^ Julia, love...it's because people are idiots.



Dear cB diary,

For some reason one little comment has turned my world upside down. It doesn't really have anything to do with any of the important parts of me, my spirit, my personality, my capability to love. He commented on my voice, and yet, for some reason I feel that I might have the courage to let him get to know me. Even if there is this HUGE possibility that I'll get shut down before I even get out the door, I almost feel like I could give it a try.

[dancingkait]

dear cb diary

so he came over last night and we had an evening that a real couple would have. it was amazing. he had dinner with me and my family, he took me out for ice cream, came back and watched a movie and some old dance videos with my mom and sister. but what's more than that was the way he and myself acted towards each other. we held hands almost the whole night, we cuddled a bit (when my mom and sis left the room or else it would've been awkward), and that goodbye hug lasted like 2 minutes. i thought for sure he was going to kiss me. but still i wonder if he's going to do something about us, last time he said he didn't want to ruin the friendship, but we've never been this close! do i gather some courage and kiss him or wait and see if he kisses me? i don't know yet. but one thing is we're closer than ever before!

[waccoon]

I loooove Christa.

[marzipan]

I loooove Christa.

............i'm krista...........

wait, scratch that. there's another christa

[waccoon]

............i'm krista...........

wait, scratch that. there's another christa

Um well. o.o

[marzipan]

Um well. o.o

nvm nvm. forget i said anything. that was my mistake.

[SarahxJoy]

Dear cB Diary,

Well, he's here. He came home about 5:00 AM early this morning. Mom's at work and so the three of us are here with him. He's out in the garage putting the new license plate on the BMW. I know he's excited to drive it, it's his retirement car---although he's not retiring for another five to seven years. Once I woke up, I could already tell the shift within our home with him being back again. It's quieter, and everyone stays in their rooms. Everyone pretty much keeps to themselves. Y'know, really, I hope this changes. But I doubt it will, there's too much emotional baggage. So, here's to a long three weeks..

And as for my sweetie. He didn't call me yesterday like he said he would. He's at his dad's this weekend, all the way across town, and I know that he can't really make that many calls while he's over there, but he promised me he would. It was my last day yesterday, and it really sucked that I couldn't talk to him. I miss him so <3.

Sarah Joy

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Dear Cb Diary,

These past few days with him were fab! I have learned to take every thing that he has to give because I never see him anymore because of him work.. ( DAMN HIS WORK) Anyway... I think were starting to get closer even though we have been going out for over 8 months now, think the true love thing is just now starting to kick in. Im so happy about this I just want to jump up and never come back down. On F-day I was walking back to class with friend and I came across him and he looked as though he was about to leave. But school wasent over for another 45 min? So i was like " Hey where you going" He said suppized to see me " Home ". So I walked him down around to the door where he was going out and then he looked at me with thoughs big blue eyes of his .. ( That I just melt over) And he says " Come with me " SO WHAT DO I DO? I go with him out the door down to the park. So were sitting there in the park on a nice and sunny day and he just puts his arm around my arm and pulls me back words. So there we lay on the soft grass looking up at the trees with his arms around me holding me like he would never let me go and he just looks over and wispers in my ear " I love you." AW yes I know I could have just died right there from happyness of corce I told him this to. It was just a good day. >.<

<3 Him
<3 Cb
<3 Shelby

[NgocQuyen]

dear cB,
i'm tired. eeeks! i'm just tired of everything. of school, of work, of relationships...everything basically. i don't know ehhs...i guess i could survive..i think he hates me..i haven't really been talking to him lately..but it's nto my fault...everytime we have a chance to talk he's always freaking playing games. then he expects me to play games with him..omigosha, i can't play games like every freaking day. i just can't do that anymore. i mean i use to do that like back in the day, but i have a life now! not saying i didn't have a life back then, but now my life is just more complicated you know what i'm saying? my schedule is more busy and built in...i just don't have time to do that anymore you know what i mean? i don't have time to just enjoy myself like i used to. i don't have time to build our relationship back up, and i'm not even sure i want to? i don't know....at first i was really excited that he was finally talking to me again after nearly two years, but i just don't know anymore...i mean i really like you-know-who...but i don't really know about him either..he just..i don't know he just doesn't seem to be as interested in my as i am in him. i just really wish things wouldn't get in between us. i just don't know. i hate relationships they're so complicated...you know what? i'm just not going to be in one...yeahhhh...that's an awesome idea... ;D

[*jooleeah*]

Naomi, I know. :[ I hate it when people like them get to me as well as others, too.

Dear cB diary,
Strange. I seem to be in a good mood again.
Sucks that I have to go back to school tomorrow. This is how I know this feeling of being slightly happy will go away as quickly as possible.

I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't met all these wonderful people I know now. It'd be completely different.

I think I'd still be that girl in the corner.

Yeah, I'd definitely be that girl in the corner, with nothing to say. With nothing to feel. With nothing to offer.

[*islandgirl4eva*]

Dear cB diary,

I find that cleaning makes me happy. I've known this for a long time now, but for some reason I am just now gathering up the motivation to get up and do it. Home improvement projects make me happy. Reading the lastest issue of ShojoBeat makes me happy...

I think you can see where I'm going with this.

I've known all these things all along. I figure that it's time to stop caring too much for other people and care a bit more for myself. I love all my friends, but I have nothing left to give at this point. It's time for me to recharge my batteries. In fact, it's long overdue.