Long distance: Making it work, going to college Options

[anoniez]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months now, I'm a senior in high school and he's a junior. We're both quite committed and I was wondering about the college long-distance thing. Neither of us want to end it just because I'll be going to college next year, but it's quite a long distance - I'll probably be going to Emory in Atlanta, Georgia- and we're both in Texas right now. It's not like he could drive to see me on the weekends or anything.

On the one hand, I don't want to miss out on anything in college because I'm still tied up back home. Both of us are quite unhappy even over short separations like vacation over winter break and this invariably results in a couple arguments as both of us feel neglected by the other. On the other hand, though, I've been through a really bad breakup before and it almost crushed me, and that relationship had only been 3 months and I hadn't cared for the guy nearly as much as I do for my current bf. I'm afraid that if we break up now I'll really regret it - to tell the truth, I wouldn't mind marrying him (he feels the same). Although of course we aren't considering it that seriously, it's still a nice dream to have =)

One thing I was considering was to transfer to Rice University sophomore year (he'd probably have no trouble getting in next year) and we could both go together. I don't really want to direct where I'm going to college just for him, but with Rice it's a different situation cause I've wanted to go there ever since I was little anyway.

I know what you guys are gonna say: break up with him now, start over in college, etc etc. But I really feel like I have a chance with this guy. So anyone have any tips on how to make it work?

[BOOGERSHAHA]

stay together. if you don't try at least, you'll definitely regret it. i'm in the same situation, except my bf is a freshman at college now, 3000 miles away. i'm not going to his college next year, and we're still going to be together. it's working GREAT. there's none of those little arguments that were present in our relationship before. you can PM me if you need more advice. but i definitely recommend you guys stay together. texas v. georgia isn't that far.

[silver-rain]

Yeah, stay together. If you two are really into each other, then you will find a way to make your relationship work. I'm kind of in the same position. My boyfriend is a year older, so he's in college right now. Our relationship isn't really long distance though; he goes to school in the same city where we live, and so we see each other once a week usually. I understand where you're going with the whole start over in college, but if you do break up, you probably will regret it. But if you're both fully committed to each other, you will find a way to make this work, and you can always transfer to Rice to be with him next year, if that's where he's going to apply to.
You can always go back to visit him during breaks, etc. Keep in contact, if it's online or on the phone. But yeah, you guys aren't that far from each other.

[_sarcastic_]

communication is important in long distance relationship. just take every chance you have (like breaks etc) to go see him. i agree with linda, texas and georgia isn't that far apart.
good luck

[anoniez]

wow, thanks for all the positive feedback!

I guess the point I was trying to make about distance is that going to georgia would be pretty much the same thing as going to alaska - the only time I would get to see him would be when I fly home on break. I don't even have a car... lol.

So I guess the best thing to do right now would be to start establishing a little independence? Cause right now we're really dependent on each other, used to seeing each other every day etc., we miss each other a lot even over a 3-day weekend. and I can't help but think that it'd lead to a lot of conflict when I leave. Any suggestions as to how i could do this? dependency is so easy to get sucked into.. lol...

[KissMe2408]

I woudln't transfer to another college just for him.
I mean alot could happen, I know you care about him, but you'll be suprised how people can change or how things work out in a short amount of time.

I say stay together for now, you have the whole summer together. A lot can happen then. Enjoy the summer, and get ready to go off to college. You are going to meet a lot of new people there, but I would stay with him until you have reason to break up with him. I mean just don't assume that you'll find someone better or be happier single there! lol. but as for as being independent. It's a good thing, I mean it's not too healthy to be too dependent on a person, especially at your age and especially on a boyfriend. It causes a lot of hurt.
But right now I think you are overthinking this situation. I mean, you do have a good 5 or 6 months before you leave right! Anything can happen in the summer, you might change your mind in a month or so. I mean atleast enjoy the time you have with him now, instead of worrying what you guys are going to do later on. Just chill for right now. And try to not have him at the center of your life. Seriously, lol it's not good. Trust me, i know from experience. Just talk less on the phone, say to yourself, "ok i need to go by 12 am", and then actually do it. Or spend less time with him during the week.
But this is all your decision, do what is best for you and him
and really just think about being happy.

Hope everything works!

[xXMomoBubbleTeaX...]

I think you should stay together && try to make it work.. && if it doesn't work out in the long run then you know now that it wasn't meant to be instead of thinking well what could have happened if I would have done this. You know what I'm trying to say?.. But yeahh thats great that you guys have stayed commited for 9 monthes now!!.. I wish you both the best of luck with that.. My boyfriend is a junior right now && I'm a freshman && I'm worried about him b/c right now he's visiting colleges in California && I'm in Ohio && that's such a long distance, but yeahh if you want to continue talking about this message me b/c this post really sparks my interest. I really want to know more.. && hear more responses from people who have done long distance relationships && how they've got through it && if they had their hard time && good times but still remained together you know.. But yeahh I'm scared right now too.. It's a scary thought b/c college is completely different from high school && the maturity levels are wayy off && that could cause some dilemas I'm guessing. My boyfriend says we'll make it through but I don't know.. I mean I'm not guessing the relationship.. I'm jusst guessin whether he'll stay commited.. it's not like I can jusst walk on over to see how he's doing.. I mean he's going to be basically a million miles away it might as well be another planet you know.. Well anyways I'm going to end it.. I talked more about myself then talking about what you should do.. But I say jusst go for it.. && jusst go with what you are feeling.. There is a chance you could get hurt, but if thats a chance that you're willing to take then I say jusst take it!!.. GOOD LUCK!!..

[BOOGERSHAHA]

wow, thanks for all the positive feedback!

I guess the point I was trying to make about distance is that going to georgia would be pretty much the same thing as going to alaska - the only time I would get to see him would be when I fly home on break. I don't even have a car... lol.

So I guess the best thing to do right now would be to start establishing a little independence? Cause right now we're really dependent on each other, used to seeing each other every day etc., we miss each other a lot even over a 3-day weekend. and I can't help but think that it'd lead to a lot of conflict when I leave. Any suggestions as to how i could do this? dependency is so easy to get sucked into.. lol...

don't establish independence. i've tried doing that before. i tried convincing myself that i didn't need him that much, and it sucked. just make the most of your time together and call each other lots when you're in college.

[me1issaaaa]

Whoa, that's really wierd.... I live in Georgia, my boyfriend lives in Texas...

straaaaaaange. But cool!

We were together for over a year but we broke up about a month ago. We've kept in touch and everything, we talk pretty much everyday, and he wants to get back together. I do too, but idk. Once you break up, things can't really go back to how they were before, y'know?

But we did break up because of the distance... it's a tough situation, but if the two people are willing to make the commitment, then it will work out.

[imthebunny]

my boyfriend is leaving for florida (we live in ohio) and we've been going out for a year and a half (i'm going to be a senior this year). we are both going to try to stick together and make it work. one of my friends just broke up with her bf because they were going to college in different states and she cried for a few days and now she's feeling better. she also felt that her bf wasnt ready for real deep relationship (theyd been together for about 6 months). so i guess it all depends on you, your bf/gf, and your ability to commit. keep in touch, talk to each other, keep in touch, talk to each other, and uhmm....keep in touch. and another important thing is to be understanding. people change. all the time. its a fact of life. especially in college. just keep that in mind, remember to talk to each other, and hope for the best. if it doesnt work out all you can do is cry for a bit, eat lots of ice cream, talk to friends ALOT, and move on. im crossing my fingers [and toes] for you!

[*This Confession*]

Once you break up, things can't really go back to how they were before, y'know?

never know it could be even better the second time.


well if your going to get in to any long distance relationships, they take a lot of work. You need a ton of communication because you can't see each other everyday. If you want to read some stuff on it go to a book store. They have some books, haha even check online http://www.freewebs.com/realsexed and go to love and relationships at the side and you should find the section for ldrs

[PrincessAda]

Don`t transfer but stay together. Seems like you guys would last.

[12agon]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months now, I'm a senior in high school and he's a junior. We're both quite committed and I was wondering about the college long-distance thing. Neither of us want to end it just because I'll be going to college next year, but it's quite a long distance - I'll probably be going to Emory in Atlanta, Georgia- and we're both in Texas right now. It's not like he could drive to see me on the weekends or anything.

On the one hand, I don't want to miss out on anything in college because I'm still tied up back home. Both of us are quite unhappy even over short separations like vacation over winter break and this invariably results in a couple arguments as both of us feel neglected by the other. On the other hand, though, I've been through a really bad breakup before and it almost crushed me, and that relationship had only been 3 months and I hadn't cared for the guy nearly as much as I do for my current bf. I'm afraid that if we break up now I'll really regret it - to tell the truth, I wouldn't mind marrying him (he feels the same). Although of course we aren't considering it that seriously, it's still a nice dream to have =)

One thing I was considering was to transfer to Rice University sophomore year (he'd probably have no trouble getting in next year) and we could both go together. I don't really want to direct where I'm going to college just for him, but with Rice it's a different situation cause I've wanted to go there ever since I was little anyway.

I know what you guys are gonna say: break up with him now, start over in college, etc etc. But I really feel like I have a chance with this guy. So anyone have any tips on how to make it work?

My boyfriend and I have the same problem except that hes going to college in wyoming and ill be going in virginia. Long distance realtionships just dont work out for most people because someone says things like how they dont want to "miss out" on anything because they are tied down to someone they will hardly get to see. Im lucky, my parents can afford to fly him out once or twice every month. Other then that it woud be a bad idea to transfer schools- he might begin to feel that you are putting too much pressure on him. I look at my boyfriend and I know I am meant to be with him- even if we broke up or seperated for however long I know we would always come back to eachother and Im willing to deal with that. If you feel like that too, even though its hard, it will just work out no matter what. If it dosent thats that and there is no telling what will happen. As far as "tips to make it work" goes, no such thing. Although, you could use a safe word- I have one with my boyfriend and if one of us uses it no matter how upset we are or whatever we just shut up and listen to what the other has to say. Thats all Ive got. Sorry if that dosent help.