bizarre friend problem, not sure if this is right Options

[trainspotting011...]

i recently returned from a 5 day trip with a group of friends. I have a close ( what i think ) is a brother sister relationship with a guy friend of mine.

A special thing that we have with each other is that he pets my hair ( like a cat sorta) and these past times i would fall asleep.

my dreams during these periods of sleep were riddled with sexual thoughts (not of him) and intense feelings. Not to be overly graphic, but i had orgasmed more than once in my sleep.

one time i woke slightly, to my hand being tugged and moved. he had placed my hand on his crotch where he was fully errect.

this boy is like my brother, if i had known it was him, i doubt i would have been at all aroused.

major problem: he has a steady girlfriend, is has NEVER done anything like this before, he is a polite, smart, funny, pleasant person. and he hasnt mentioned anything and believes i have no idea, because i am such a heavy sleeper.


HELP! should i confont him?!?

[*mzkandi*]

Moved to Relationships

[Chii]

Yes you should definately confront him. God knows what you don't know about that he's been doing to you while you're sleeping.

He shouldn't be fooling around with you like that because first of all, this kind of counts as molestation since he didn't have your consent, second, he has a girlfriend and third, you're supposed to be like a sister to him.

[priyas]

Definately confront him.

one time i woke slightly, to my hand being tugged and moved. he had placed my hand on his crotch where he was fully errect.

^^he may have done that in his sleep. so yes confront him.

He shouldn't be fooling around with you like that because first of all, this kind of counts as molestation since he didn't have your consent, second, he has a girlfriend and third, you're supposed to be like a sister to him.

^^totally true.

[trainspotting011...]

i really think its a good idea to confront him... the word 'molestation' scares me considerably.

i have NO idea how to go about this....

its been 2 days... everything is NORMAL

[_sarcastic_]

it's up to you.
but personally i'd confront him (i know easier said than done) but what if that wasn't the first time he's done that

[subway]

ew what a sicko tell him to f**k off

[silver-rain]

Yeah, confront him. But I think you should go up to him and tell him that you have something you'd like to speak with him about in private. And then, just tell him about the time you woke up with your hand on his crotch and ask him about it. Tell him that you view him as a brother, and that what he did can be viewed as molestation because you didn't agree to it. Also ask him if he's done other things to you like that and I guess let him know that you don't want to be put in that position with him anymore.

[IceCream4U]

I definately think you should confront him. I agree with sarcastic, maybe it wasn't the first time - maybe that was just the first time you noticed. It is considered molestation because you didn't have your consent. This can get serious, so you need to sincerely talk to him.

[ecargnmyst]

yes confront him. one of my guy friends also did something to me that made me uncomfortable..and i was quite shocked b/c he normally is a smart polite guy with good morals and such..but i later felt what he did made me uncomfortable and i was talking to another guy friend of mine who talked to him about it and he apologized...

i didnt directly confront him but i think in your situation itd be better if u did..b/c its more serious

[trainspotting011...]

you guys have been really supportive, but i cant find a way to bring it up.

im not at all nervous about discussing things like sex, im an extroverted girl with strong opinions about sex. (be safe!) But broaching this subject with myself as the victim literally terrifies me into stuttering.

any ideas? i dont want too much time to pass.

[IceCream4U]

Maybe talk to him on aim about it??????????

[*Blow_Don't_SUCK*]

If I were you back in that day and I saw him put my hand on his croutch, I would've slammed it, so the sun would stop shining man confront him

[NoSex]

you guys have been really supportive, but i cant find a way to bring it up.

Just invite him to a private spot to talk. Let him know that you are serious and that it is very important. Make it known to him that you are aware of his actions and exactly how you feel about them. What he has been doing to you is not right and you should not have to be subject to any such occurances ever. Just be honest.

Trust us, it is for the best that you speak with him about this. If he is non-responsive, I would suggest going to an adult or authority figure.

[trainspotting011...]

... i wish i did nail him in the balls....

i hate feeling victimized, and by not bringing it up i'm allowing it to continue.

hes been so normal though!! i really dont want to lose a friend.

i know where and sorta how to do it, but i cant find out how to exactly bring it up

i doubt 'hey, i think you might have sexually assaulted me' will go nicely

[*Blow_Don't_SUCK*]

First of all, confronting him about it doesn't mean you're going to lose a friend. Work out a comprimise. Tell him you knew what he did while you were sleeping that day and you want him to stop. And you don't have to explain it all in one sentence. You can say, "Hey about that day, when I fell asleep...I saw you.... (say what he did here)... And I want to talk about it."

[trainspotting011...]

i attempted today, i couldnt get the words out

i still dont know how to word it

i feel like an idiot
hes probably forgotten

[Paradox of Life]

^ Ask him if there's any sexual tension between you two. If he's confused, just tell him what happened. He really can't deny the truth, and he'll have to give you a straight answer. If he lies to you or avoids the question, he might not be as close of a friend as you thought.

[Chii]

He sexually harassed you, don't try to be polite about it. HE is the one who is wrong, not you. Just tell him that you want to talk about that incident when you woke up and felt your hand placed on his crotch and tell him how you feel about him victimizing you like that.

I doubt he forgot, he probably just doesn't want you to talk about it. Tell him how you feel, tell him that it was wrong, etc. He isn't that great of a friend to begin with if he did that to you while you were so vulnerable.