depression, i just wrote this Options

[hurtabit]

sulking in a pool of self pity
self hatred self inflicted pains
these battles are getting the best of me
i dont know how much more i can take
depression sets in deep inside
like a knife right threw my heart
feel this pain deep in my bones
as i lay here not willing to move
i realize this is all i can become
and empty page in a long tired book
worn down to the spine
riped pages and crumpled up words
there is no ending and no begining
just the same line writen over and over
this is my life and i hate it
i need some sort of inner peace
something to sooth my crippling soul
the only thing i can see is drugs
a temperary relief
a instant and short lived high
to easy my aching mind
i compared my life to a sad song
never really changes words
just repeats over and over
till it drives you insane
the only beauty i see is in him
he is my only comfort
this time i dont have him
so i drive me self to insanity
i hear voice telling me its over
just to give in
i want to so bad
but i could never leave him
not like that
i want this easy release for this pain
for this constant hell
the fire that burns my mind
my thoughs are weakened by self taught methods
i feel as if there is no where to turn
i look at myslef in a mirror and i hate what i see
i see and ugly fat scared little girl
tramatized by whats in her mind
its like its locked inside
like i cant seem to find the key
so as i sit alone i think of this love i have found
and love that cant be replace
and for that moment ill be alright