she was a dreamer, Too bad she suffered from insomnia. |
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 Jan 9 2006, 02:07 AM
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 I'd rather make mistakes than break.  Group: Member Posts: 121 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 117,869  |
at night she dreamt of perfection
the feel of stars beneath her fingertips (of black and white movie screens) and endless moonlit rivers that she'd cross someday to see the world at night she dreamt of paintings of pink sunsets and ballet dancers with long necks and chiseled collar bones (the way they spun, and kept on spinning) deciding to leave her heart broken because he told her, "Anything that breaks isn't worth fixing." she dreamt of rain and the reflection of the sky on wet cemet sidewalk of his lips whispering, "we were happy --" and how his voice falters, "weren't we ..?" but she'll keep holding onto glass slippers (& fairy tales) because she's tired of stories that never end. (in happily ever after) *** Different from what I usually write. Inspired by a movie. Feedback appreciated. xoxo Aly |
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Jan 9 2006, 04:25 PM
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 I love Havasupai Group: Member Posts: 1,040 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 163,878 |
The first stanza is masterfully written! Bravo!
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| *Azarel* |
Jan 13 2006, 07:30 PM
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#3
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Guest |
I don't follow the shift in the second stanza, from the fourth to fifth line, but I really like the formatting and what you did with the ending of your poem.
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Jan 14 2006, 02:47 AM
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
^Yes I agree, I love the ending...it's beautifully written.
Enchanting! I would like to know what movie inspired you?? "of his lips whispering, "we were happy --" ^I really liked that part, lol. It got to me. Beautiful! |
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Jan 14 2006, 08:03 AM
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#5
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 Member Group: Member Posts: 20 Joined: Jan 2006 Member No: 352,096 |
i love it
and i really love the poem in yer signature but she'll keep holding onto glass slippers (& fairy tales) because she's tired of stories that never end. (in happily ever after) i absolutely love that part |
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Jan 16 2006, 01:04 AM
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#6
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 Bay Area YadadaDiiiig. Group: Official Member Posts: 4,249 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 103,202 |
QUOTE(Azarel @ Jan 13 2006, 5:30 PM) I don't follow the shift in the second stanza, from the fourth to fifth line, but I really like the formatting and what you did with the ending of your poem.  Same. I liked the end, about the fairytales and happy endings. I also liked your topic title, it drew me in. The contradiction was one you usually would never see. I liked it a lot. |
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Jan 16 2006, 02:41 AM
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#7
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 Cockadoodledoo Mother Fcuka!!! Group: Member Posts: 1,438 Joined: Nov 2005 Member No: 296,088 |
^i got pissed off becuz of that!!!! whatever interesting poem. i wudn't mind being in my dreams forever......
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Jan 16 2006, 11:00 AM
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#8
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 =] Group: Member Posts: 1,910 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 156,614 |
thats good
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