Createblog Diary, V.7 Options

[*jooleeah*]

dear cb diary,
cindy called me "kinda emo". wtffff.

i'm glad my sulking period is over, though. i've been so overly dramatic on things. i can finally stop feeling sorry for myself! haha. thank goodness.

hopefully 2006 won't be as painful as 2005 was.

relient k- who i am hates who i've been.

[Looow]

Dear cb dairy,

f**k.



not good.

i hate it all.

[m.ar.i.a]

dear cb diary

we were down at a family friend's cabin for a night and a day. it was pretty fun and REALLY cold. but basically all we did was snowmobiling which was really fun.

[KELLYYY]

Dear cB Diary,

I'm going to see him when I get back to school. It's exciting, isn't it? -shrug- I miss how he tends to flirt with me.

I'm still obsessed with Pretty Ricky, after all these months.

- Kelly

[faithin_felix]

dear cB diary,
canucks are like dying here... plz save them!
may 2006 be an awesome year!
Felix

[*not_your_average*]

Dear cB diary,
Damn. School starts tomorrow. So long to the wonderful moments that saved my life.

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

for the first time in a long time, i feel alone again. he doesn't like it when i complain...but i don't mean to. i just need to get stuff off my chest by telling someone...and he's the one i go to. and now...i need to hold back. its not that i can't tell my other friends but...its different, i don't know. i told him he's the one i go to to talk to and so on...and he knows that but i don't know how to explain that i need to talk to him about that stuff...even though its repetitive. he just points out how i get mad at my parents too much...i don't mean to be inconsiderate cause i know his parents are strict too but...he doesn't care like i do. its different. i need freedom. my parents are choking me by doing all this. i need out so badly and i know he knows that...just saying my feelings outloud to someone is one way i can release all my frustration thats all...i feel bad, because i don't mean to shove my problems onto him...but i'm not asking for him to do anything about it, just to listen. i know he loves me ... i know he does. he tells me, he shows me, etc. its just...i don't know. his heart doesn't seem to be where his words are sometimes. maybe it's because he's always playing games and is concentrating or something but...i don't know. it just makes me so sad. i hate being doubtful but i can't help it. this is how i am and i don't mean to be...but lately...i don't know.
i'm crying again. i've been crying too much lately. i'm so sick of this.

[*jooleeah*]

dear cb diary,
i'm so excited. people remember me. even ciara did. and man..i completely forgot she was my best friend in like fourth grade.

i can't believe i left all of them behind! i wonder what i would be like if i still lived there...

[*not_your_average*]

Julia: YOU KNOW CIARA? :o It's plausible, since you're in Atlanta.

Dear cB diary,
Tomorrow is the official day of hell.

[De112]

Createblog is kinda boring me, now. And plus I go back to school wednesday, and I'll be back to running and working out and school...So I think I'ma leave createblog for a while..

[jackizzle]

why would you just call me if all you are going to do is sit holding the freaking phone while watching tv. you called me. i didnt call you. what is the point in calling me if youre not even going to talk! i mean you could at least strike up a freakin conversation. and then when i tell you you just tell me i'm bitching! what the hell is wrong with you. don't call me if youre not going to talk to me dumbass.

my goodness that was greattt

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog Diary,

School today is going to suck. asdf.

-Me.

[vash1530]

dear cb diary,
isn't great sonetines how things work out!!! for all the anger i felt sat. night/ sun. morning, the past three days have been so great!!! im totally over that sh!t now and i think im gonna be ok at school tomo.

[m.ar.i.a]

dear cb diary,

wow, school. where did all the good days go?? and hw already!!! hmm... maybe i shouldnt have procrastinated so badly ><; 1/4 of all my classes were empty today though. lucky ppl with extended vacations.

[Looow]

Dear cB diary,

i hate school so much is basically insane. I hate it so much. I hate everything about it. I hate the teachers and I hate the work. I hate the people. I just hate the whole enviorment. I wish i didn't have to go. I hate it so much. Fcuk. fcuk. fcuk. i'm so stressed out about everything. i hate it when so many things at once are happening.

[xTINAA]

Dear cB Diary,
Today was a long day and it's still going on. I'm shaking right now. Like hyperventilating. I can't stop crying. I'm so angry. I could kill someone right now with all the anger I have. I am sick of f**king everything. NO. OKAY. THAT DOES NOT f**king MEAN I HATE EVERYTHING. It's different. I'm just sick of everything. Why is everything my fault?? HOW IS IT MY f**king FAULT THAT THEY DIED AND THAT THEIR FUNERALS ARE THIS WEEK AND THAT I'M ATTENDING THEM? HOW IS IT MY f**king FAULT THAT UNC f**ked UP THE APPLICATION PROCESS AND I HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER YET? HOW THE f**k IS IT MY FAULT THAT MY DAD IS STUCK IN HIS OLD f**king WAYS? HOW?! I have so much going on. I have so much to deal with. I DONT NEED THEIR f**king SHIT ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE. I wish I died in those car accidents. Not two great people like them. No. Someone like me. Everything would be better that way because I wouldn't still be here dealing with all this shit. I wouldn't have to deal with this f**king bullshit anymore. IM SICK OF IT. Why don't you just take me now God? I'm sick of living on this earth. Take me now so I can be heaven, so I can be done with this. Why are you making me go through all of this? Why are you making me endure all these hardships? Why, God? I'm done with your tests. I don't want to deal with it anymore. Please. Let it be done. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm sorry, okay? IM f**king SORRY. EVERYONE. I'M SORRY. I'm sorry I'm such a screwup, such a failure, such a slacker, such a loser, such a coward, such a WHATEVER. IM SORRY. GOD DAMN. If I don't want to talk to you mom and dad, then I dont' want to f**king talk to you. DONT PUT IT ON YOUR f**king SELF AND TRY AND PUT ME THROUGH A GUILT TRIP OKAY? IM f**king SICK OF IT. How dare you say I sit on my ass and I don't do shit. HOW DARE YOU. It's not like I f**king planned for all of this shit to happen in the past few months OKAY? It's not like I planned for Seho oppa to die. It's not like I planned for Phillip to break my heart. It's not like I planned to fail all of my classes. It's not like I planned for Ian to die. It's not like I planned for Josh to die. It's not like I planned for our family to have money issues. It's not like I planned for him to get arrested. ITS NOT LIKE I WANTED ALL OF THIS f**king SHIT TO HAPPEN IN THE MATTER OF THREE f**king MONTHS. I DIDNT CHOOSE FOR THINGS TO TURN OUT THIS WAY. Now all I'm f**king trying to do is deal with it but no, I have to get bitched and get shit about it. IM SORRY.

UGHLARKOIAEGJLKRGJOAIGJLRKJgaoigjr;kalgo;airejg;J :IJraklj;g;larjg;jagrl;kjag;lkjgrlkjaoeghuharejkglhljdghawleuhfajsnvmxdgh i3wqyrte2qwfjn. I AM SO FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY I can't even finish what I have to f**king say.
-Me.

[LittleLulu]

Dear cB Diary,

Things are finally getting better...?

im still seeing him everyday. but my heart doesn't sink everytime i see him anymore. i think it's settled to a tingle instead.

Today i managed to finish all my homework at school. As i walk through the hallways i feel confident. because im thinking "all these people around me, they wont be there in 3 years. I'll be at a good university. where i wont have to deal with all the retards. all the retards that hold me back"

The social status game means nothing to me anymore. So what if i lost my best friend? So what if i'm single again? so what? what does it matter. 5 years from now they'll all still be stuck. working as lowly employees. earning monthly wages of a limited amount. struggling to get a raise. And me? I'll be far away. far away. Studying for my MBA degree.

I talked to mom yesterday about which University to go to. I suddenly felt like going to America for university wasn't going to be worth it. MIT, Harvard, Penn, Cornell. does it matter? U of T is just as good. who cares if its not rated the top university in the world? right? mom said she thinks i should just stay at BC...and go to UBC. Its true, UBC is a pretty good University. I just dont know if i'll regret not trying my best. I know that if i actually tried ( instead of just doing the basics in regular classes as i've done for the past 2 years) i could get into any school i wanted. but im not trying...and she knows that i dont use all my time or energy on school. less than 1/10 of my daily thinking/working is on schoolwork. im just naturally nerdy.

So what's it gona be?...i know for a fact that i'm afraid of the SAT's. im scared i'm gona fail. that i'm gona do bad. But then, if i dont try, how will i ever know? I'm so confused.

Mom said to me, it doesn;t matter what i do, but the only thing to remember is to be self-employed. work my way up, sure but end up in a place where i'm my own boss. I agree. i'm going to work for dad first. then i'll get something up myself after i get some experience.

UBC's Sauder School of Business isn't that bad. Who needs Wharton?

who am i kidding? i still WANT to go Ivy + MIT. but is it worth it? its so much more expensive. farther away. so much more work. Will there be THAT much of a difference having a dimploma from harvard as appossed to UBC?. must i waiste another 4 years at college at an ivy league that doens't even have business courses? thats just stupid! i need...i need to make use of those 4 years. then MBA. UBC? U of T?...or the U.S? god. i dont know.

In the meantime, Zaid, he's been alright to me. we dont talk that much. so i dont know. do i like him? i dont know. who do i even like?...well...aside from...u know who, im not sure. But whatever. its not like hes ever going to like me. Mr.Perfectionist. He deserves someone equally as pefect....like..like selina. hate to admit it. but she's better looking, smarter? not neccisarrily. the only person that i will admit to being not as academically exellent to is Perline. WTF is Selina? but she's um...skinnier...a bit honger though. disgrace. shes a CHINK! god dammit.

i still think of him sometimes. it's been quite a while eh? well. only 6 months left before i never have to see him again. RHS. no more cambie. i'm done with cambie. no1's at cambie. Cambie won't give me anything. but pain, misery, and homework. Even if i dont go to US for univeristy, im still going to IB. why? because i want to make use of my last 2 years in highschool. and be proud for working my butt off. if UBC is all i can get. then UBC it is. it wont matter.

i wish i could just get him off my mind.

[*stephinika*]

chrissy...reading that almost made me cry. i know things must be going rather roughly for you right now...and i know this won't make much of a difference, but if you ever need to just bitch and rant and i'm online or something...pm me, im me, whatever. i'll be willing to listen, i promise.
msn: stephinika@hotmail.com
aim: naughty ambition

[*jooleeah*]

Radhika: Nope. It's a different Ciara, haha.
Chrissy: My, my. I'm so sorry that you're going though all that terrible stuff right now. I know I can't say much, but I'll be there to listen, always! You can PM me. You should know my aim, right? <33333 I really hope you feel better. You deserve better.

Dear cB diary,
School was absolute hell.

[m.ar.i.a]

Dear CB Diary,

She is back! Yeah! except I didn't talk much to her. I guess, I was expecting her to come to me. I think she is mad cuz i didn't though... gotta cheer her up tomorrow or something.

i hate this girl so bad... u should know who........ but i dont know how to get her off of me!!! and i feel mean, tricking her like this... i mean its not her fault or anything. oh boy. wat if some1 i know is doing this to me too. im afraid for this... oh god.

i hate the la teacher!!!! la is suppose to hav multiple possibilities!! but she's all, unless thats wat i hav, word for word, its wrong. and she had hit me (actually that was kinda funny cuz amanda and vicky stood up for me and got hit too- i luv them <3 ) anyway, now i need to redo this stupid book report .... what is wrong with 14 sentences ina paragraph??? SHE wanted only 2 paragraphs, i didn't ask for it

[Looow]

Dear cB Diary,

I've been crying for so long. I'm pretyt sick of it. I cried till I fell asleep last night. I couldn't stop. I cried in the mornng. I was late to school and I had puffy eyes because I was crying. I cried at lunch today. I cried insanely today in the afternoon and I am crying right now. I can't help it. I feel like such a useless piece of mothercuking shit. . She left my cousins house and she has nowhere to go. Why can't I take her into my house? BECAUSE MOM WON'T ALLOW IT. HER STUBBORNESS WON'T f**king LET HER. I can't help hating her like my sister does. I mean..it's like, LOOK AT YOUR f**king DAUGHTER. She's HUNGRY and she's lonely with NOWHERE to go. She has three f**king dollars with her. I am her only support. I don't have any money allthough I am going to give her what I have. She's going to sleep int eh car because she doesn't want to go back. IT'S SO HARD. It's SO HARD TO BE THERE FOR HER ON THE PHONE WHEN SHE'S CRYING LIKE CRAZY KNOWING I CAN'T DO SHIT. It's so hard having to HOLD IT IN BECAUSE MOM WILL BE MAD ssaying tha she's making me cry. I HATE THIS. I HATE BEING IN THE MIDDLE. ALL MY LIFE I've been in the middle. I hate this family. I wish I wasn't born in this family. They're nothing but f**king problems. They never stop. Why can't MY family be like my friends? I mean I guess every family has their own issues but still. I mean, look at Lauren's family. dfsjds. it's useless complaining about it.

[LittleLulu]

Dear cB Diary,

today i didn't do any homework. tomorrow i'll pay the price --_--"

there was a blackout from like 5 to 9 today. couldn't do anything without electricity. so i fell asleep. and now its 2 am and i can't go to sleep anymore --_--"

i can't wait to get out of here. RHS will hopefully be less depressing. New people, new classes, new teacher, new atmosphere. i'll have to make new friends but i don't care. Its not like the friends i have right now are doing me any good.

Sitting in the library doing my math/science homework isn't my idea of a good lunch period. Sure its progressive, but thats probably the only thing i like about it. -less homework at home.

As for my love life, there are probably a dozen guys at my school i could go out with. but i;m not sure i want a boyfriend right now. I feel the need to be independent....just like independent variables.

Zaid was a bitch to me today, Its not my fault i'm beating him in science. gosh. And he should stop flirting with ____. she has a boyfriend for god's sake. if he were in this class he would've been hella pissed off.

and lastly..--*cough* FELIX HUGGS PILLOWS*cough* =D

[vash1530]

dear cb diary,
were finally goinng out!!! i didnt know if it was gonna work out but things are lookin uo now. ill keep u posted!!!

[anniepiee]

cB Diary,
Im not as carefree anymore. It's difficult for me to be delighted throughout the whole day. Maybe it has something to do with my period, or the fact that my boyfriend is 8000 miles on the other half of the world, I cant keep myself together. I've been crying/tearing way too much. At times i feel like I have no one. Even though I know that i have a group of amazing people who can always cheer me up, sometimes i dont want to be cheered up. I've lost the optimism, what's the point anymore? I feel like it's a waste of energy. I've lost a close friend, it's just so awkward now, distant waves in the hallway, fake conversations once in a while is unbearable. I miss the old times where we had nothing between us and we could talk about anything. The most pathetic part is, I dont even know what happened. We didn't get into a big arguement or anything, I guess i just found her flaws and cared too much about them, and now, i can't forget them.
I need a long hug from him, not just cyber hugs over msn.

[*jooleeah*]

dear cb diary,
self-reliance is the key.


...right?