createblog diary, v.6 Options

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

wow. i'm feeling better i guess. parents and school still suck but meh.

its amazing how he can cheer me up. just...wow.
and its also amazing i find, our sexual relationship...in a good way. (yes i'm still a virgin, hah.) but...i've done a decent amount with him but i feel ever so comfortable with him...talking, doing things, whatever...any firsts of any sort are of course a bit...nerve-wracking, but overall i just feel so...comfortable and safe with him. its amazing...not unexpected but i don't know...i never thought i'd feel that level of security when it came to that kinda thing. yeah i think and talk about that kinda stuff, but when it comes down to the actuality of it...i'm not as confident sometimes. guess thats not so much the case anymore...which is good.
but wow...everything he does amazes me...everything he says or does or anything just makes me fall harder for him. sigh. i could go on and on...i'm just scared to ever lose him, but right now, it doesn't look like thats the case. it just makes me so happy to know i can be sure that he feels the same way as i do.

[dancingkait]

im so happy for you steph!

i'm happier right now than i have been since...well for a really long time! he's so friggen adorable. never met someone quite like him either. as the girls say 'i struck it rich' hehe i love you girls :) but he's so amazing and sweet and knows what to say. i can't wait until friday! i might explode! but my week's going pretty fast so far it's already wednesday! tomorrow is the dance and then friday is the day :) i love my life right now :)

[sense.n.style]

Dear CreateBlog Diary,

2 days before the concert and they tell us now that we need to play a solo....... OMG!!! o well. its an excuse to get out of school and go to mall with friends so i guess i will enjoy it.............................. except for that crammming a solo thing.

[mzbbc]

dear cB diary,

i'm feeling so unloved. that ugly combination of anger & frustration & loneliness.

i hate this shit. i f**king hate feeling bad for myself.

Maia
xoxo

[imafreakinazn]

Dear cB diary.

I've decided to post in this, now that I've decided to begin posting on cB hardcore again. Ah, the good old days.

-shrugs-

I'm a dork. So kill me.

Today was a bit...slow.

Angela wasn't here, so things were a bit quiet. I bet you she just couldn't wake up, cuz I was with her till around 9 last night. She wasn't sick. Meh. Whatever. I lived.

I kinda slept in geometry again today. This time, we didn't actually take notes, so I didn't really miss anything, thank God. Last time I fell asleep, Jared ended up doing the assignment for me cuz I didn't know how to.

d00d.

Chapel today was a bit interest. VN talked about racism. Very touchy subject. The Jared's and Kristen and I went out for boba after school, and we talked about it a lot. We agreed that it was very nice and fuzzy, but that was cuz they couldn't really get deep into it, because they don't want to offend anyone and get angry calls. In all honesty, I sort of wish he went deeper into the subject, because that actually is a huge problem at school.

Meh.
-shrugs again-

~Jason

edit: Suddenly I remembered why I don't post on cB as often @_@

[Looow]

Dear cB Diary,

Sometimes I wish I wasn't myself.

[*stephinika*]

aw lorena...

kait, thanks babe. and i'm happy for you too! i'm so happy that you're happy! tomorrow is going to be sooo fun.

dear cb diary,

ahh the dance is tomorrow, i'm so effing excited!

[Teesa]

Dear CB Diary,

Gossh, I haven't posted in here for a while. Life is really going terrible right now. I just cannot explain it..school is just ruining everything for me. I know it's my fault and I know I make it that much more difficult on me, and I hate that. I hope they don't think me as a slacker and someone who quits, because I'm not that kind of person.

I just feel hopeless, I guess, for a lack of a better word. It seems that I have lost my work ethic. I don't think I've had it for a while. It just seems I do the work just to do it. I don't retain any information, I just do it. I feel useless. And it's not getting any better.

I wish I could quit, but then I would be a major hypocrite. That's taking the easy way out and there are people out there who would love to get an education like I'm getting, and I always try to think of that, but it still seems hopeless.

I am sick and tired of acting so happy all the time. So optimistic about everything when everyone else is so depressed. I'm tired of trying to make others feel better when I don't feel any better myself. Gossh, I want this all to end.

[yukichan]

dear cB diary...
Whats the use in trying to heal when people are going to just hurt you again? I don't see the point of trying to heal anymore..I don't see the point in trying to go on and act like everything is fine when everything isn't..I know I need to be stronger then this, but I can't be...Its not working..My whole world is falling apart..Its shattering into thousands of pieces that I can't find to make my heart and spirit whole again...I know when I'm trying to make my heart and spirit whole, someones going to come and just knock it over again..So I really don't see the reason to try and fix myself...I don't really care anymore...Kind of seems like I have no purpose in this life...I'm just here cause I am...Sigh...Tired..Tired of feeling sad..Tired of feeling hurt..Tired of people not caring to understand me...Tired of everything: life, loving others...My grades are dropping..And all I can do right now is watch it fall and try to make it better...Its not helping...Nothings helping...Only I can help myself...But yet I can't...The lack of sleep is really catching up with me..I'm really tired..My body is becoming stressed from the lack of sleep, and the food intake amount..Frick..Why am I doing this to myself?Why can't I be like how I was before?Argh..Going to sleep..Or attempt to...All the good stuff that happened is blocked out by the bad stuff..This sucks..
--Nancy--

[*jooleeah*]

Dear cB diary,
All I to do is put on that one fake smile, and I'm good to go for the rest of the day.

edit://
You know, I didn't even know her that well. But it hurts, a lot. I've never experienced anything like this.

[imafreakinazn]

Dear cB diary.

So many things are making me even more depressed lately. I don't really know why. I feel like crap every single day, and it's always because of the smallest things.

-sighs-

Meh. I have a lot of homework, but I don't really want to do it at this point. I need something to distract my mind. I need something...fun. I've been so stressed and frustrated and depressed lately, and nobody/nothing seems to help. I should just...take a long walk or something.

-sighs again-

Who am I kidding? I can't do anything of that sort. God, why do I try to cheer myself up? It's not going to help me or anything.

I also thought about what Cain said before. About how I won't need to show fake happiness around him, because I'd be happy. I guess I am, but at times...I still don't tell him how I honestly feel. I know that if I tell him, the most he could probably say is "I'm sorry" and hug me or something. I really don't know. I think it's mostly because I fear that if I tell him how I honestly feel every day that he asks, he'd get annoyed when I tell him I'm depressed or suicidal every day. So there's really not much I can do but hide it and pretend like everything is okay, right? I've seemed to be doing that, but in all honesty, I feel....fake.

a;lskdfj;alsdkfj;a

GOD, THIS ANGSTY MOOD IS A KILLER.

[yummy_delight]

Dear CB Diary:

I shouldn't be here. I have class in a couple hours. But, the truth is, I'm feeling like my LJ, even though it is now Friends Only, is becoming too public. People talk, you know. And the worst part is gossip travels a mile a minute. But, WHATEVER.

Nick called me yesterday and told me that they broke up, and he expected me to be all excited about it. Ridiculous. I barely know the guy and he expects me to jump into his arms? Sadly, that's exactly what I wanted to do... and maybe throw in a little tongue. It's horrible for me to be so happy about this. Of all the people breaking up these past few weeks, I am the happiest about this one. Why? Because I've been hung up on him for a while. Dare I say it, I might love the guy. However, we're destined to fail. No kidding. Every time we tried to set something up or do something together, ANOTHER thing went wrong and what we wanted to happen didn't. Maybe it's God's way of telling me that we are not meant to be together. Even though I'm trying to focus on the spiritual karmic side of my dilemma, my mind still keeps going back to the craving I have in my heart and in my mouth for him.

That's the problem with me nowadays. I'm trying to keep it together but , for some reason, my mind keeps drifting back where it shouldn't be: the gutter.

- Lauren

[*jooleeah*]

Dear cB diary,
I've been thinking..
What if I lost everything..?
What would I do? Where would I be..? What would my personality be like?

I'm so sheltered.

[aera]

Dear cB diary,

Sometimes I wonder who my true friends are.

Most of my "friends" talk trash all the time.

So far, I know I have three friends. And possibly four others. The other people I'm not really sure.

[mzbbc]

dear cB diary,

THE WEEK IS OVER. finally. now just finals, and everything just floats from there.

oh my... strange how he is more attractive when he shows that side of his personality. a little bit disturbing to see the affect it has on me though.

annnnyway, i'm feelin loved.

Maia
xoxo

[sense.n.style]

dear cb diary,
i feel SO freaken lazy today... probably cuz i was sitting on my but the whole time. more later!

[mzbbc]

dear cB diary,

stupid parents. making me feel all guilty for this shit. i feel awful. i hate this, i really do for making me feel guilty... i feel awful.

Maia
xoxo

[b0st0ngrl]

Dear cB Diary,
omg. I just want to hold him. Aaaaaaaaah, his EYES. I could fall in love with JUST his eyes. I hate not having classes with him. I would give anything (ok not anything) to be back in the tech class just so I could see him everyday and get to know him better..
-sigh- I'm such a stereotypical teenage girl.
Shananana

[xTINAA]

Dear createBlog Diary,
Wow. I saw him yesterday. I touched him yesterday; hugged him yesterday; talked to him yesterday. What the hell? Why am I still confused. Somehow I thought that if I were to see him in person since it's been so long and talk to him in person, it'd confirm something. Either confirm the fact that I'm over him or confirm the fact that I still desperately want it. It confirmed nothing. I'm still left confused and bitter. Anyways, today, I met this guy that I work with. He's pretty cute and nice. Hmm, oh and I hung out with someone else. That was good because him and I hadn't talked or anything in a while. It was nice. I also bought a cute hat today.
I'm so damned ready to leave and go to New York for five days.
-Me.

[*lolita kitty*]

^

dear cb diary,

I'm getting happier, and yet sadder. i don't get it. Today I was going through all of the christmas cards my dad was going to send out to the family, and I started to get so sad. he was putting really bad pictures of me in them. I know... i feel stupid for saying this, but i just got so mad. He put my spring picture from 7th grade in it. i wanted to shoot him, wth. I hate that picture more than anything, and he's sending it out to everyone in my family to see. Great -_-. I also found a ton more shitty ones he included. He put one in from our vacation this july that I REALLY hated. i told him this and he got mad at me. Well go figure.
Today was so quiet and boring. i didn't do much at all. Thank god we're going to the mall tommorow. I get to buy all of my friends presents, I'm really excited .
I miss nms alot. I left that school this year because I hated it, and yet all of them remain best friends with me. Jenny and I talked on the phone today. Patricia and i talk... everyday ;x. Paula and I hung out last night. I'm serious, I just want to go back to that school. Charter is no fun. I hate it.
My grades are lowering again. shit.

[redpeony]

Dear cB Diary,

I wonder why I don't take note of a boy saying something like this:

"i really dont wanna lose you cause.. like i said before.. you are my bestest girlfriend.. im sure you've heard that from other guys as well.. but i really do mean it. i care about you.. you're a cool person to chill with.. great personality.. and good looks too ;).."

...and let them go anyway... lol i'm a reet.

He cared about me so much more than I knew and I didn't know it cause I was an ungrateful biatch.

But I guess now it's time for me to do that for someone else... show this unconditional love that I have never been any good at.

The kind that God shows me time and time again through my letting him down. I know what God is telling me to do. I need to stay.

[Teesa]

Dear CB Diary,
Tonight was good. My parents' friends, as well as mine, came over for a few hours and had an early dinner with us. So much fun..I enjoy their company so much. I have never met such genuinely nice people in my life. Goodness, I hope we all take a trip together somewhere.

Anyways, tomorrow school starts again and I'm not excited to go. I mean, I'm used to getting up early for French and whatnot and that's not what bothers me really. I just don't want to. There's no urge to learn anything anymore. I don't get it. I think what really pushes me to go everyday are the people. I don't think my friends know how much I really do love them. Yep.

So, with all that being said, I'm angry. Why? Because the Avs are currently losing!! WTH? Haha, but really. Oh, the winter dance, called the Snowflake Shake, is gonna be on the same day as the Avs game we're going to! Haha, I am 2398981 times more excited for the game, than the dance. I mean, homecoming was rotten, so this shouldn't be any more fun. But maybe if I go with another group, instead of the one I went with for homecoming...we'll see!

--Teesa

[silver-rain]

Dear CB Diary,
So, decisions come out on Thursday. Report Cards the next day. Nervous? Of course I am. Yikes, I can't believe that in 4 days, I'll know whether or not I'll be going to my dream school. But, I think I have a 10-15% chance of getting in. Sigh. Hopefully I won't get rejected, but meh I think I will. I just need to concentrate on other apps!

Anyways, today was alright. Had a track meet (bleh), didn't get my iPod fixed (grrr), but I saw Stephen <3. We went to eat dim sum with his family, and it actually felt like I was a part of the family. It was a nice feeling, I look forward to more of that [hopefully].

Blah, senioritis sucks. I don't do any work and I don't feel like it either. I need to get out of this funk because what will I do when college starts?

[mzbbc]

dear cB diary,

one final done, just four more to go.

ugh. that stupid bitch. i effing hate her.

Maia
xoxo

[imafreakinazn]

Dear cB diary.

Everyone hates me now.
Am I going to do something?
Quite possibly.