Crying is for Sissies! Options

[Shahin]

On a more serious note....

Have any of you guys cried recently? I was just reading that topic down the ways about if people cried when they broke up with their boyfriend/girlfriends and I got the idea for this topic.

I've built a wall around myself. I haven't cried in 3 years (when my grandma died).
Prior to that, I had two friends leave me. One died in a shootout, and the other in a car crash. I cried. Hell, I bawled. When my grandma died, I don't know. It was a lot to take in, especially because it was Christmas holidays and she had been showing signs that she was getting better. When she left us, I cried some more. I let out everything I had, emotionally and physically. I haven't cried since.

I've known my friend Garrett since before I could talk. We grew up in east LA, our moms had us playing together since before I could remember. Everywhere I went, he would be. Everywhere he was, I was. We were inseperable. I moved away from LA, my dad got a job and we were moving on to bigger and better things, but I knew where my roots were so I would always go back on vacations back to LA to kick it with my old friends.
Eight Monthes ago I got a phone call from my boy Shifty. Garrett died in a drive-by shooting.

After all I went through in the past, this was the most shocking. My first friend, the guy that I of all people was supposed to protect, keep safe was dead. The guilt I've felt from that day has been insane, I know I couldn't have done anything and that isn't particularly what I feel guilty for. I'm not complaining, and I'm not asking to be consoled, I'm just telling a story of what happens when people bottle up their feelings. I didn't cry when I got that phone call. I couldn't. No tears were there, and none have come. None will come.

Don't bottle up your feelings, that's what I did. For a time after my friend went home (heaven), I felt absolutely nothing. I felt nothing, nobody could break the box I had created around myself. Until I met a girl. But that's a whole different story that nobody wants to hear. Remember though, cry when you have to even if your the macho type. You don't necesarily have to do it to a live public audience guys, but do it nonetheless.

Sorry for making this story so long...Couldn't find a way to shorten it any more.