tears of depression, how u like it, cuz its my 1st story/poem Options

[azn_at_heart]

this didnt really happen, cause i never had a girlfriend, but it took me a long time
and though it didnt happen i could relate and maybe so other people
___________________________________________________________________

i had a girlfriend that loved me so much
but i never told her how i felt and such
i would always not talk much to her cause i was very shy
just i wish i could tell her before i die.
as an couple we didnt do alot.
people who knew usaully forgot.
sitting at each other's side as we ate.
not a hug at the school's gate.
no one even bothers to think it was fate.
one day she came up and said "i say this from my very heart,
the one that wishes that we never part,
that forever i love u,
and i want u to help me make this true."
i couldnt say anything but only looked away.
my head full of everything that i was too shy to say.
still looking away i tried to talk
but it was as though as my mouth was on lock.
and when i looked back she wasnt there
but i was still hearing what she said and continued to stare.
that night i tried to call but she wouldnt answer.
i tried to do my best to tell how i felt to her.
the next day, to me, she wouldnt want to come near
and i had too much sadness and guilt that i could bear.
then i tried to come up to her
but he cried and ran away before i remember
to try my best i could to say "i want to be foverever together."
the days were she didnt talk to me and i cant say anything continued
from days then to weeks
and i fell in a very depressed mood
cause she wouldnt talk to me and i can say that she's what my heart seeks.
finally one day she comes up to me and silently says "i want to break apart"
with these words our relationship ended and left a scar in my heart.
that night i locked myself in my room and cried
turning on my radio so the sounds i could hide
keeping this from others so they think i still have my pride
and if they asked me bout me and her i just lied
i looked and found the place were we both meet
the place were ill never forget
from then on, there i would sit on the ground and back against the wall
there i asked myself "why...why...
i had to be so very shy,
that i couldnt do anything at all?"
what happened was my worst fear
to lose someone that was most dear.
to lose the one that knows me the best
unlike my classmates, family, and the rest
everyday i went and sat there.
everytime in one second there will be a tear.
everyday tears come down my cheeks
from eyes that want to forever leak.
all this hidden by my hat
each and everytime there i sat.
one day i built up the courage to say "i love u"
but right before the second word she said "u i never knew"
as she walked away i became more sad
to think i lost everything i ever had
but i will love her forever
i said that ill love her forever and that wont change what so ever.

[xosteffanator]

awwwww..thats so deep

[rainnydaiis]

Simple rhymes but very nicely made. Very long but has very deep emotions and connotations that are coming out of it. Good job =P. Hope to read more from you.

[azn_at_heart]

i dont know its my 1st of this type and it took two weeks of time that i bothered to use on it like extra time anywere at mostly school

[*mipadi*]

It's really good for a first try. My only suggestion is that many parts are too obvious. Poetry exemplifies a subtle use of language to invoke an image or create a mood.

[azn_at_heart]

yeah sort of but maybe the title gave to much away anyway

[KissMe2408]

Hey Great job!! I love the simplicity of it, simple yet deep!
It kept me reading, which is a good thing, and the way you expressed your emotions through this poem is noteworthy :) Keep writing

[Sundancebeat]

Um...arent you a girl as well? anywayz, I like it...its a little TOO long,and everything rhymes....But you know..everything doesnt always have to rhyme. It felt like a story to me!! Then again...Poems are sometimes stories.....
Anywayz, good job and I like it.

[azn_at_heart]

thx this one is both like it says up there and the title ^