message to anyone, volume 12 Options

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

Oh my goodness.
Your so inconsiderate and selfish and rude. You have no consideration for anyones feelings but your own. You always put yourself first. I cant wait until you get jumped, maybe itll teach you to keep your mouth shut, You may be my friend and ive done all i could for you, ive kept you from getting killed since 8 grade. Get over yourself. You cant be the spoiled little brat you always were when yu were young. Dont act like your ghetto and uncared for. I have never seen ANYONE spend money like you do.

JBGSAKLJVHBGKJAB.

[Teesa]

Dear Teesa,
Yeah, I kind of feel the same way like we just talk about the same stuff and we don't really talk. We are just going through the routine of "oh how was your day" typical conversations, y'know? We for sure need one of those days of talking for hours and hours. But I feel like if we have one of those, I won't be able to not cry. Also, I guess I am keeping some stuff back. The thing is either I don't want to say something because I know it'll disappoint you like it disappoints me or I feel like all I'll be doing is complaining or I think that you might not be able to understand. I dunno. It's all so confusing and yeah. But we'll for sure talk. And about this Friday, tomorrow, I dunno if I can go see the movie now unless we go at a later time. I forgot that I had promised my friend that I'd go see his dance performance at 7PM. You can come if you'd like? But I think you already invited a lot of people to the movies so yeah...But we'll talk about that tomorrow morning I guess.
-Me. 

To Christina--
Yeah, I think those "how was your day" conversations are all that we have time for nowadays, and that's sad. I know, we are due for one of those long talks. It has been seriously ages since we've had one. Christina, you know that you'll always be able to cry or say anything in front of me. Don't think of how I'm going to react or anything, I am your best friend, I'm gonna listen. And don't think you're complaining or anything. Just know that I'm always glad when you tell me things, and I really feel like we have grown apart, at least a little since school has started. And I know that we have a lot to tell each other. So, this weekend I have no time, except for tomorrow. So, I would love it if you could come over after the dance performance. (If your parents let you.) I will talk to you tomorrow.

--Teesa

[Retrogressive]

A: You shattered me completely. We've been through the same shit on different paths. But still you left me completely broken like the wounded bat I found in the parking lot when I was young... my father killed it. I am not immature and overly sensitive, and if I am it's because I'm fcuking SIXTEEN.

J: Please email me back, I miss you terribly.

[anniepiee]

god damn i'm back here again.

you,
i really should stop reading your old blogs.
i dont need to know the details.
though reading robbi's is surely interesting

[xTINAA]

Dear You,
I miss you terribly. Entirely. I need you. I just need to talk to you. I just need to see you. Why don't you want to talk to me? Why don't you miss me? Why am I the one left hurt, crying? I can't get away from you, I can't escape this. You're all I can think about, every thought is consumed with you. I can't concentrate. You're everything to me. All I pray for is you. Every day. Why has this got to be so hard? It's obviously not hard on you. Why isn't it? WHY? I want you to be hurting. I want you to be crying over me. I want you to need me, to miss me. I feel so pathetic. I don't fucking get it. At all. What the fuck did I do? WHY? How come you lied to me? Why aren't you coming back? Why don't I deserve to be happy? WHY? My heart hurts because you broke it. My head hurts because you're all I can think about. My body aches because I need your touch, to hold your hand, hug you. Have you really moved on? I wish I knew. I wish I knew how you felt. What you are thinking. I wish I knew if you ever really did feel love for me. I wish I knew your real reasoning for breaking up. I wish, I wish, I need, I want. Nothing gets fulfilled.
-Me.

[*stephinika*]

i want to shoot you and run far, far, far away and never have to deal with you people again.

[Winter]

Mom,

Why do you have to make things so difficult. Why can't you be satisfied with who I am? Why must you always push me to be someone I can never be? Why? I'm so sick of all this. I'm not the prettiest girl in school. Nor am I the smartest. And I'll never be. You have to accept that.

Yes, I failed one out of 10 subjects. So what? Can't you even think that perhaps I'm having problems with that subject? It doesn't help either that you refuse to fork out $80/month to pay for my tuition. 25 others failed that subject. They didn't give a damn. They're all happy and cheerful and free. I actually give a damn. Do you think I want to fail this subject? No, I don't.

When I get straight A's you don't show the least bit of emotion. You don't tell me "Good job, I'm proud of you." I've never heard you say that to me before. Not even once. But when I fail just one subject, you get pissed. God, I can't take it anymore. This is why I want to move out. I can't take it. I just can't. I can't continue living with you.

In your eyes, I'm a failure. I just want to seem perfect to at least one person. That's all I ever wanted. For someone to tell me I'm perfect.

[redpeony]

HI LOSER I MISS YOU AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU :D

[IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...]

I know its hard. I really wish that I could be there for you, to comfort you and make you smile even in a time like this. Night seems so long and lonely when you are not around. So i just listen to music and read your txt msgs over and over to keep myself busy. Could all these be real? or am i just getting the wrong idea. But theres no doubt that my heart belongs to you now. This might not be the right time coz i know you have to prioritize some other things first. I understand that and I do care for him too. Every night before i go to sleep, I add him to my prayers. Im so proud of you on how you handle these things. I admire you so much. My heart could be right and it could be wrong, but no matter what, I'll always be here for you.

Love Kris

[*salcha*]

I'm glad you're back, thanks for making me feel real again.

[*danielle_x3*]

Dad, your funeral is in a few hours. you will finally be laid to rest. i'm glad that you aren't suffering anymore, but i didn't even get to say bye. at the wake yesterday, i cried in front of everybody, i just couldn't hold it in anymore. i just can't believe you're actually gone. all the stuff you do for my brother & me, we really appreciated it. the doctors said you had 6 months, so i took that for granted and figured that i'll tell you how i felt next month. i was too late . . you were gone already. when i found out, i froze . like FROZE. i knew it was coming but it didn't make it any easier when you actually did die. . i love you daddy i'll pay my last respects today at your funeral. i can't believe yesterday was the last day i'd ever see you in person . laying in that casket. the first wake on wednesday, i didn't want to look at the casket. i didn't want to see my father dead . . i couldn't take it. but i had to be strong for mama, and i said a long prayer for you. it was like i was talking to you like you were still alive. a lot of my friends went to the wake yestesrday to support me. and i'm glad i have so many friends, especially at a time like this. anyway, i'll go get ready for your funeral now. rest in peace daddy, you're not suffering anymore.
love, your daughter.

rest in peace 8/30/59-10/9/05

[topsyturvy]

___ __ :

It's over. We're finished. Never in my life have i felt so confused and lost as i have these last few weeks but now i feel better and surer than ever. You can bite me and tell me the word "surer" doesn't exist, but thanks to you, i've learned how to not give a shit anymore. So, for the first and last time: good bye to you.


_ x2 :

Wow. Just.. wow.

[misoshiru]

you:
OHMYLORD. i really cant believe we lost to ism. it's completely unbelievable. it's like the first time that's ever happened. i'm disappointed in the team, but i'm still proud of you guys, cuz i know you all tried your best. hope you think of me when i'm not there. i miss you.

you:
hahah. i seriously couldnt recognize you without glasses. you still look cute though, but a lot younger. i dreamed about you last night. it was kind of strange though. but i'm still attracted.

[*Tainted Euphoria*]

I know this is probably stupid, but that's what you've done to me. And with recent happenings, that beacon of hope has begun to burn again. If it's futile, then so be it, but I'm not giving up without at least one more try. At least then I'll know I put up a fight for something that I truly wanted, and lost.

[redpeony]

Is it bad that I'm worried you might end up hanging out with your 'fun' ex and do something stupid on Saturday night after I told you what I'll be doing?

You're right... everyone is right... I don't trust you. But you're not really giving me any reason to... you don't seem to trust me... at all. Even though you have absolutely no reason to not trust me. I've been nothing but honest with you. I'd love to take the leap of faith, but I don't want to get hurt. My friends say I'm going to get hurt eventually if I stick with you... but hey.. "If you're gonna get wet, you might as well go swimming", huh?

This is one of those things where I should totally be like "this is my own insecurity talking" blablablba.... except I think it might actually be true. I know how your first serious relationship ended and it undoubtedly has had an effect on you still after all these years... but I'd really appreciate it if you could discard that and trust me, because I'm not her.

----------------

All you ever talk to me about is how messy my room is, how I have too much clothes, how I should clean the bathroom, do more homework, go out less, not 'commit myself' to dating... am I supposed to approach you about other things when it's inevitable what the conversation will only turn towards one of those subjects?

You are so f*cking anal... it's not that big of a deal when I didn't "do up my housecoat properly"... you make it seem like the whole world will crash down if I don't fix it. UGH.....

The way you tell me things just makes me want to never listen to you, go out all the time, not try at all for school and just go do photography.

Money matters so much to you guys... but are you actually happy with your lives? Do you feel complete? Maybe you do... but that's not the way I want to live.

[*tweeak*]

___ and ___I really think you two are bipolar.

____, you're becoming the next band whore. Stop it. Those of us with some self respectdon't enjoy seeing moronic girls throwing themselves on anything with a penis. With this strategy, you have less of a chance at getting a homecoming date than me, which is just sad since it's known that I'm not going, and neither is anyone I'd want to go with.

[silver-rain]

Aww, despite the rain, I still liked today. Sorry for the almost meltdown over something so trivial, but what you said really made me happy. I love you so much, thanks for coming to pick me up in the rain. <3.

[yummy_delight]

I'm scared. It's hard to hate you when I'm having a major fight or flight response issue.

[Ilaem]

Querido usted,

Pienso que oigo mi toque telefónico. espera, déjeme conseguirlo. Ah, no, no es. que demonios. usted debería llamar. Usted no ha sido últimamente. Sheesh.

[whywasisostupid]

dear seth,
i truly hate hanging out with you. its sickening. all i can remember is what we used to be like. sigh. i pretend to be happy, because it seems like you are. why can't i let go?

dear vinnie,
siggh. so awesome <3

[hiromi]

To the person this pertains to:

Why don't you understand that I don't like you. You AREN'T my friend. You're annoying and immature. Why do you like me anyway? All I do is hurt you and call you horrible things. I've even told you that I hated you, and yet you keep sticking around. You get the wrong image of me. I'm not the person you think you know. You make it sound as if you honestly think you can hook up with me, or make me like you. The answer is "No", no matter how many times you try to impress me by trying to be humorous. Even you should know your jokes are bad. You should also stop copying me. Ever since I met you, you've pretty much become the male, immature and idiotic equivelant to me. Stop typing like me, stop talking like me, stop acting like me. Just stop all communication with me. I can't stand you anymore.

[*jooleeah*]

Ohh. I wish you talked to me.

[audory]

__________:
I HATE YOU. go back to your old school and leave us the fcuk alone.



____________:
today of all days for you to give me that shit. don't even. YOU'RE COOL NOW FOOL. goddamn.








i'm having such a bad day.

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

No matter how loud i play my music i can still hear you crying.

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

No matter how loud i turn up my music i cant still hear your crying. The body shaking soul trembling sobs that rock your body. The wails and screams heard throughout the whole house. I try to drown it out but its echoing in my head. And this why i hate it her.

Its pretty much everyother day i hear the yells the screams the accusations the insults and the hatred. If yu love someone, why would you tell them to die. If you love someone, and they love you back, why would you wish you could die to get away from them. In front of your children? This is why i havent loved. Only once. Maybe twice, im not sure. Oscar was a prolonged deep infatuation. It ruins the aspect and visions ive had of love. but it also makes me dream and think of how a love is supposed to be. I guess since you two are such a pitiful example of how two lovers married united and with children should act, maybe ill get the exact opposite outcome. Looking at him, i know exactly what i want in a man. Its everything he isnt. The complete opposite. I dont want any reminder of this home when im older. I want to get far away.

Im so tired of the fights. Werent yu two supposed to be divorced back before i was even born ? Why didnt you leave him when he started to abuse you. And you still havent left him. Its a bleak outlook on the life i dont ever want to lead. And when he tried to kill me while i was in the womb ? What is wrong with you. Dont you care. Everything you say when you get in fights is you havent left yet is bcos of " the children " . Like i could really give a shit. I think you two should seperate. You dont love eachother. Theres too much hate . So much that not even love could overcome it. I think you two would be miserable but truly happy without eachother. Im not sure you understand, i dont think you would. I wish i could forget it all. I wish i could start over. Id be real. i wouldnt be fake and act like everythings perfect. i wouldnt put up the facade that i was always alright and everything was okay. But if i showed what was real, id be an outcast. The girl with the wrecked homelife, low self-esteem and corrupted mind. Been thru so much in a short time, amazing im still alive. Amazing im still around. I guess thats why sometimes i seem so mature and highstrung and just bitchy. I get tired of the squealing "freshman" and all their immature bullshit. Oh, my you have a pimple. Put some cream on it and stop whining. You gained two pounds? Your like 100 pounds now you say. Poor you. go throw up or something, starve yourself. Be emo and cut. its all a fad now, its a trend and a style.

Tired of everything. And i just wish everyone knew that i wasnt okay. Nobody knows, not even as you read this right now , you have no idea how my life is. You could never understand. Any of you, i kno who reads this. They seem so nice and good huh. Like theyre not so bad at all. Your so f**king ignorant yenno. You have no clue what goes on. I just dont let anyone in. No one hears my voice tremble and shake as i cry. No one sees how red and puffy my eyes get. They dont see the eyeliner & [ now ] mascara run down and cover my bottom eyes and cheeks. You dont see my shoulders heave as i lean against my door so my brother cant get in trying to see if im okay.

You never thought i had it bad did you. Well dont even worry about me. Ive gotten through it all on my own since i was young. Very young, and now im older and stronger and i can make it on my own again.

I cant still hear the cries echoing .

October 14, 2005
7:57 PM