Parents and the internet Options

[Retrogressive]

The Instant Message

My mother and I share practically everything. Sure, we fight sometimes— but that’s normal. Maybe it’s because we have been through so much together that we have such a special bond, or maybe it’s because we look so much alike (no matter how much I deny it). So me telling you this next thing won’t make me sound too much like a snooty existential. I know that the last piece I wrote discredited teen magazines though to some extent it needed to be said doesn’t mean I don’t like superficial posters of gorgeous guys and snit-bit articles about women who have changed the world. But I actually enjoy my mom’s magazines. It’s not that I look forward to Woman’s Day in the mail, but I pick it up and read it from the coffee table, I won’t deny it (no matter how uncool it makes me seem).

Me being a somewhat forward thinking back to the basics girl who [ironically] still wants high technology, I was extremely discouraged by an article I read by an intelligent mother and writer about her preteen son wanting instant messaging for his computer. This writer did not fail to make all the bad and good points about this online wonder but still after I was finished with the article I felt extremely mistrusted. She made several references to the “everyparents fear” of the internet psycho, the overly curious child’s eye, and ever so discretely mentioning the children’s obesity rate or the “silent killer” and concluded that the use of this over-rated software would in some way conclude in a Lifetime movie about your family. And the “consider these” lingo column would make any parent rip the telephone line out of the wall; things such as: PAW (parents are watching), RUMORF (are you male or female), and NIFOC (naked in front of the computer)— I think I’m going to vomit. All this only left me frightened of the one-eyed monster— the omnipresent world wide web. But one point really stuck to me, besides the fact that parents are either becoming more paranoid and mistrusting with every generation or every generation is becoming completely unhinged, she implied that girls felt more empowered to write vile messages and spread rumors.

I don’t know a single girl who hasn’t been in the middle of some absurd she said-she said relationship. I know I have been in some extremely disastrous ones. Luckily I learned and moved on— becoming a better person and friend for it. But the thought of instant messaging spawning this kind of hatred for a beloved friend is beyond me. All girls (and I a mean all) have been crushed by catty calls and vicious rumors. I’d like to picture an article in a popular magazine right after Alexander Graham Bell’s famous invention, accusing the telephone of being the sole cause of hazardous relationships and addictive personalities. On teens: the UCLA reported an average 40 minutes a day IM-ing. That’s about the amount of time any girl would spend on the phone, and since we are usually talking to more than one of our friends at a time, to the frugal parent it really seems much cheaper and easier.

Now that I’ve done a little ranting know this, I’m not a completely naive teenager screaming: “Give me what I want or I’ll slam my door and blare my stereo!” (Curse teen angst.) Actually, I completely understand that there are faceless chatters and perverted weirdos out there. I might not have the fullest grasp on the world, but I do understand how most of it works. I had a huge struggle with my mom to not be looking over my shoulder constantly, not because I was doing anything wrong but because I hated the feeling that she didn’t trust me (all those hours online actually resulted in me learning more than three computer languages and graphic flow which are not only extremely useful to me for my ‘zine but also when deciding a career). But setting this all aside, I do understand why.

We are compelled to meet people like us, especially if we aren’t surrounded by them. The internet can be a good or bad place for that. But what parents have to understand is that they are likely to underestimate us. By completely stopping the capability of “IMing” and internet use, they are actually forcing their children to find other sources to get what they want. With that comes more freedom with less supervision, and that combination could be disastrous. I probably don’t have to spell out that I’m a complete library hag; I go, I read, I chat with librarians, and I get online. What’s so absolutely exasperating is when I’m online promoting my ‘zine, writing in my blog, or designing web pages I have to sit by three or four by-the-book preteen boys ogling porno and giggling hysterically at the chat room screen. By their parents not allowing the computer into their home they sought another, unrestricted, resource. This not only instills outrageous expectations for later more serious intimate relationships, it degrades women and erases everything their parents have set out to do.

I have written before that technology is a double edged sword and it’s still undoubtedly true. We have to set boundaries instead of ignoring the completely obvious. Teaching today’s “give-me” youth limitations will later broaden their horizons. But let’s not forget that if you want to get your teen off of that screen for a few hours, go out and do something with him or her. Even though we may tell you that your completely embarrassing us, we’ll love you the more for caring. It may not be today or next month, but we will.