I'm thinking about qutting,, Createblog that is... Options

[ag3nt_sm17h]

I'm thinking of qutiting createblog, because even though it is an outlet for some of my problems, it doesn't help me as much as real friends do, people that actually care. But since I have nobody out on this side of the computer that cares, I am just going to outlet right now, for the last time, I am going to post on createblog. I t just isn't worth it anymore, anything at all, I'm tired of the endless parade of fake reality, the endless parade of fake smiles, and of "Oh yes it's fun to talk to you" and then when you turn your backs, you snicker and laugh. Or you say "ohh that's so sweet" when i say something but then you are really thinking what a creep, that's so creepy, why is he even talking to me.
I am tired of socializing, I am tired of being a social person, however little social I am I hate it. I hate friends, I hate being "Just friends", I hate it when she looks at me, not because I hate her looking at me, I hate the feelings I feel when she looks at me. I feel safe, and everything feels right. But I have been told before, that this won't work, and that's why I am sad, I am sad because I'll never get to have that one kiss from her, I'll never have that one dance, I'll never have that one hug, that one wisper, or those three words. I'll never have it, not from her, or anybody.

Sorry... I was venting towards the one person that I truly loved, but she didn't back. We're friends *shudder* though, but it seems all of my friends are slipping away, and on my senior year, the best year of high school, supposedly the best year of my life, I am slipping through the cracks. Please, please somebody help me before I get any worse, please convince me that this is worth it, and please, please help me find some way to even start to feel better about myself, and about others, because I am at the bottom. I have been at the bottom for forever, what I THOUGHT was the bottom, but it wasn't. I could go lower, I could feel worse, and I a mdefinetly near the worst feeling in the world.
I am not asking for pity nor a handout, I am just looking for a reason to continue this masquerade.


Edit///
I am definetly thinking of quitting createblog, but not only because of her, because of everything I get every day, all the masquerade, all the lies, all the bullshit, all of the emotionless shells that think it's ok to toy with you.
I am seriously considering killing my username, and quitting createblog/