Log In · Register

 
6 Pages V  < 1 2 3 4 > »   
Reply to this topicStart new topic
A Story, An odd sort of love story
huihead
post May 2 2004, 10:54 PM
Post #26


Senior Member
****

Group: Member
Posts: 228
Joined: Apr 2004
Member No: 11,737



wow.. that's so good. you're so talented =x. i hope this has a happy ending =x.
 
Sa-Chan
post May 3 2004, 07:17 AM
Post #27


Crying Behind Blind Eyes
****

Group: Member
Posts: 257
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 7,967



Okay, I just wanted to go ahead and say as I have school today there will not be a chapter or if there is I'll have to post it in the afternoon. Sorrrry, I'll try to post, but no promises. I will, however, have at very least three chapters posted by Saturday or Sunday ^^ Thank you and I hope I don't have ya'll dwelling on the whereabouts of Elise and Lucien to much. ^^()
 
kedralynn
post May 3 2004, 11:13 AM
Post #28


Senior Member
***

Group: Member
Posts: 77
Joined: Apr 2004
Member No: 10,872



nooooooooo!! post the rest of the story!! Don't leave us hanging here!
 
Sa-Chan
post May 3 2004, 05:54 PM
Post #29


Crying Behind Blind Eyes
****

Group: Member
Posts: 257
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 7,967



Okay guys! Here's the next Chapter, it may not be so great...I had to hurry through it...


Chapter Three:


"Goddammit!" He cried out.

He had followed her, had touched her, smelled her scent. He had been so close to her, then he had lost her. He cried out, he had lost her...twice in one lifetime. He slammed his fist against the brick wall of the alleyway he had chased her to.

Once he pulled his hand back, he stared at his knuckles. Bloodied, with bits of brick shoved into his flesh. At any other time he would have cried out from pain, but it didn't hurt...he was to numb for it to hurt. He wanted to sink down into the puddles of muddy water and die. Fall away and die...

He loved her so much. She was the only reason he hadn't gone off to college when most of his good friends had. He had always hoped she would come back, come back for him. Then, the one day he finds her...she slips through his fingertips.

He screamed in rage, and pounded his fist over and over and over again, into the hard brick wall. He broke his knuckles, and scarred up his hand so badly that it would never heal. Still, all pain aside, he continued beating his fist into the wall. The pain took all the emotions away, he thought, he hoped...but it didn't, and as he hit over and over again, the tears escaped.

Then he heard a high-pitched scream. What the hell had that been? He looked around; another scream. He followed after the sound, and walked, down the alley, to the left, down another alleyway, and found himself in the midst of a gang rape.

There were three strong guys, one of which, the leader, had a young, blond-haired, tall, thin girl up against the wall. Elise... She was crying out in pain, as the presumed leader of the gang had his way with her. Ripping her clothes from her body, beating her, making her scream out in pain.

Rage took over his body. No one would hurt her. No one would hurt the girl he loved, no one would lay a hand on her ever again. He rushed at the man. He wasn't that big, or even that strong but he was running off anger, hatred, rage, need to protect her.

He shoved the man, the thug up against the wall. He hadn't even realized but he had pulled the switchblade he always had in his pocket out. He slammed the man's head against the brick wall. He could hear the awful crack of the skull. Looking into the thug's eyes as they began to film over, as the thug lost conciousness, he realized what he had to do...

"Never..." He barely even recognized his own voice, "You will never...touch her again...never..."

His words said he shoved the switchblade deep into the man's stomach. Blood gurgled from his mouth, and as Lucien let him go, he slid down the wall, and fell, his blood mixing with the water, puddling around him.

He backed away, fear showing in his eyes. He heard the other two thugs run off, leaving Elise to fall back on the ground. He ran to her, took her limp, and bruised; raped, and sodomized body into his arms and held her close, tears stinging at his eyes. He had killed a man...but he had saved her...

He picked her up in his arms, and walked down the streets of the town with a half nude, young woman in his arms. Rain dripped down around them, wetting their clothes and hair, blood covered them both, most of it...not even their own...


-------------------------


Author's Note: Okay, ya'll got your violence, and the story has deepened. Just to let you know their ages.

Elise is 17, and Lucien is 19. I wrote out their whole biography, and everything but when I added it to here it messed up so I'll do it another time.
 
DesperateXMeasur...
post May 3 2004, 05:57 PM
Post #30


I <3 profanity
******

Group: Member
Posts: 2,910
Joined: Feb 2004
Member No: 3,774



Can't wait for the next chapter!
 
NiteSerpent
post May 3 2004, 07:01 PM
Post #31


Wendar xp
***

Group: Member
Posts: 31
Joined: Apr 2004
Member No: 10,718



I just cried out all my tears on another story, but this one is still great! keep going!
 
kedralynn
post May 3 2004, 07:21 PM
Post #32


Senior Member
***

Group: Member
Posts: 77
Joined: Apr 2004
Member No: 10,872



amazing, gahh dont take so long in writng it!
 
ThePrincessofTKD
post May 3 2004, 08:53 PM
Post #33


questions make me blue.
******

Group: Member
Posts: 2,608
Joined: Feb 2004
Member No: 3,796



the violence was short... _dry.gif

haha...SUCH PASSION!!!...guys these days.. blush.gif

it would be nice if you could just...write more..?`cause it just seems too short to me...everything is happening soooooooooooo fast.. sad.gif

it would be nice if you could put a little more depth, maybe..? happy.gif
 
Sa-Chan
post May 3 2004, 09:37 PM
Post #34


Crying Behind Blind Eyes
****

Group: Member
Posts: 257
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 7,967



*giggles* I knew someone was gonna say that, but to be honest, I'd thought about that, right after I wrote the prologue. But then I realized...if I didn't give in so much depth that would leave the reader to fill in the gaps, make this story into their own but still see the beauty of it. It's not meant to be a story, or a book, or even a tale, it's just...art...

lol, That was my speech and thank you for your time.
 
ThePrincessofTKD
post May 3 2004, 09:42 PM
Post #35


questions make me blue.
******

Group: Member
Posts: 2,608
Joined: Feb 2004
Member No: 3,796



i understand.. wink.gif

even if you say it`s not a story..or meant to be a story...authors have their ways of writing...they never really do analyze what they`re writing...they leave that to the teachers.. rolleyes.gif

wonderfully spoken sa-chan!
 
hawyngurlie8o8
post May 3 2004, 10:37 PM
Post #36


...HaWyNgUrLiE...
***

Group: Member
Posts: 60
Joined: Apr 2004
Member No: 10,630



I love dis story!! Keep writin' GHURL!!!
 
Sa-Chan
post May 4 2004, 07:54 PM
Post #37


Crying Behind Blind Eyes
****

Group: Member
Posts: 257
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 7,967



Here's another Chapter... I detailed this more especially for ThePrincessofTKD but I'm still leaving little gaps for the reader.


Chapter Four:

She had been vaguely aware of the pain, of the fear running through her body. Somehow, miraculously, she had been able to lock her mind away as the act of the rape went on. Then she realized, through clouded lids, a boy...no...a man-child. He was so familiar...so...friendly looking, even as he charged the man who had her to the wall, even as he beat the life of the man, shoved the blade into the man, as he stared at blood seeping from the wound.

She wasn't afraid even as he drew closer to her. She was already on the ground, and he had kneeled before her. Pulling her wet, raged body near to his own. Before losing complete conciousness she recalled smelling his scent. Mixed with the smell of blood, and death, and rain he smelled familiar...sweet...but manly like a fine wine...a cologne that not many young men would wear, it had been a scent she had long since tried to forget, but as she smelled it for the first time in ages...she smiled...and fell away from her body.

She wasn't sure how long she slept. She didn't really care. As she woke up thoughts clouded her mind, why did her body hurt so terribly, who had been the man to take her into his arms, where was she? Groaning from the pain of her bruised and battered body she rose up on the bed, looking around for any sign of familiarity.

The walls were an odd, earthy color; painted to match the red-brown, tender earth. She was laying on a plain bed with white sheets, and there was a desk in front of her littered with papers, pens, a computer, books, and video games. On the floor there was a small TV, and connected to it was a video-game console that she identified to be a PS2. Clothes littered the floor; male clothing.

A small window was in the corner; it was opened, allowing fresh air and the warm rays of the sun in. She closed her eyes, and relaxed, briefly forgetting the pain coursing through her wounded body, vaguely forgetting the emotional pain she was enduring. This was the first time she had truly rested since arriving in her hometown.

Wait! She remembered now! She was in her hometown; she had come to see an ill friend, and then encountered Lucien. Upon running from him she had backed herself into an alley and been attacked by a local gang, then they had raped her, taken advantage of her, beat her...sodomized her...put her through pain that she couldn't believe she had physically been able to survive.

She knew that the thugs would have killed her after they were done with her. But...something had stopped them...a single young-man, who smelled of an oddly familiar cologne...Lucien. He had killed one of her attackers. He had shoved a switchblade through the man's stomach. She grimaced inwardly, remembering it. Then he had walked to her and taken her into his arms. Had he...had he carried her all the way through the rain to this place?

Suddenly the door opened, letting in a luscious smell of breakfast foods. Pancakes, and sausage; bacon and eggs, as well as many other foods. A young girl, who in appearance, seemed to be merely three or four years older than herself opened the door.

"Ah! You're awake," the young woman said with a smile, surveying the pretty face of her new charge, "I'm surprised...I didn't think you would awaken until Lucien came back."

Her eyes widened, and she struggled from her bed in tears. No! Not Lucien! No...no...no... She wouldn't see him again! She wouldn't see that heart-breaking, murdersome bastard ever again! She hated him. She thrashed at the walls, her legs now twisted in blankets. She was weakened, and she could barely talk as the spit matted the inside of her throat.

"Now, now. You shouldn't act that way. I know you and Lucien have a bad past, but he carried you all the way here...he saved you, and brought you to me," The girl continued, "I'm surprised you don't recognize me...then again I barely recognize you, due to your...bizarre hair... But those are the same eyes my brother fell in love with. He always said they were bluer than the ocean itself."

She blinked softly. What was this girl rambling on about? Then she recalled something! She had forgotten Lucien had an older sister. So, apparently Claire, if she was remembering her name correctly, had moved away from her parents. Which meant this was Lucien's room at her house.

"Anyways, I should reintroduce myself. My name is Claire, I'm Lucien's older sister," She said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, "You know...you shouldn't be so cruel to Lucien...he still loves you, you know."

At those words, "he still loves you", she couldn't breathe. She grasped at her chest, and cried out. Those had been the words she had always, secretly, longed to hear. Now though, it hurt worse than not hearing them. Now...how could she keep the fire to her imaginary hate for him, kindled. He had saved her...he had killed a man for her...he still loved her...and all of this...scared her more than anything else.
 
expoised
post May 4 2004, 08:03 PM
Post #38


te quiero
******

Group: Banned
Posts: 2,586
Joined: Apr 2004
Member No: 14,678



you are SUCH a good writer!!! i wanna know what happens nexT!!!!
 
conster
post May 4 2004, 08:04 PM
Post #39


doot doot doot
******

Group: Member
Posts: 1,803
Joined: Jan 2004
Member No: 1,954



aww......... come on!! keep writing i wanna read!!! cry.gif
 
swe3tascandie
post May 4 2004, 08:44 PM
Post #40


SwE3TascANdIe
***

Group: Member
Posts: 33
Joined: Apr 2004
Member No: 12,817



that stories awesome. you should continue it! biggrin.gif
 
midnite
post May 4 2004, 09:21 PM
Post #41


mmm... coffee ;]
***

Group: Member
Posts: 65
Joined: Jan 2004
Member No: 1,845



*blows nose* tissues anyone? cry.gif
 
ThePrincessofTKD
post May 4 2004, 09:43 PM
Post #42


questions make me blue.
******

Group: Member
Posts: 2,608
Joined: Feb 2004
Member No: 3,796



as always..wonderfully done!

biggrin.gif

good enough for me. wink.gif

just keep doin` what you do best, sa-chan!
 
Sa-Chan
post May 5 2004, 03:16 PM
Post #43


Crying Behind Blind Eyes
****

Group: Member
Posts: 257
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 7,967



Guys, I'm sorry ;-; But there's a very definate chance I'm not gonna be able to get a chapter out today. So sorry!
 
hawyngurlie8o8
post May 5 2004, 03:24 PM
Post #44


...HaWyNgUrLiE...
***

Group: Member
Posts: 60
Joined: Apr 2004
Member No: 10,630



Keep on writing, UR DA BEST GHURL!!!
 
LiL KwAyZee PuNk
post May 5 2004, 04:09 PM
Post #45


Senior Member
****

Group: Member
Posts: 175
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 6,517



aww okies alwaiiZ a nex tyi0me !! u da BEST !! wink.gif
 
susan is sober
post May 5 2004, 09:08 PM
Post #46


Newbie
*

Group: Member
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 7,158



awww i love that story!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lucien sounds....so orgasmic!! ahh the perfect boyfriend!!! throb.gif
 
Sa-Chan
post May 5 2004, 09:27 PM
Post #47


Crying Behind Blind Eyes
****

Group: Member
Posts: 257
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 7,967



Okay guys, since I didn't give ya'll a Chapter Today I thought I'd give ya'll something none-the-less

Extra: Character Profiles

Name: Elise
Age: 17
Birthday: Unknown
Eye Color: Dark Blue (Bluer Than The Ocean) With flecks of light blue
Hair Color: Light blonde with streaks of dark red, flows to her butt
Family: Was adopted at the age of two. Lives with her stepmother, Caterine, and her stepfather, Leon
Siblings: Stepbrother named Rilye
Biography: Elise was given away as a child and has never had the chance to meet her real mother. She was raised by two respectable citizens of a small town in the United States. Though her family life seems perfect on the outside she has had to endure her step-parents fighting since she could remember. She has always been shy, and prone to dressing somewhat oddly (mainly black clothing, parachute pants) and was labeled a "goth" and a "freak" from a young age. She doesn't have many friends, and has always been happier being alone...at least she was until she met a boy named Lucien when she was age 11. He was the first person she ever opened up to, the first person she ever loved. Nearly six years have gone by and they are still close, in fact, they are in love. Sadly, Lucien is popular, and many people are out to tear them apart...now what will the young girl do when she feels like she lost the love of her life?




Name: Lucien
Age: 19
Birthday: July 12
Hair Color: Jet Black, Longish
Eyes: Brown with a red rim
Parents: Divorced; He is the child of two of the richest people in town. His mother, Maria, and his father, Vega, who is the lead of a local mob, and his step-mother who is his same age, Kora
Siblings: One sister; Claire
Biography: His family tore apart when he was young, but he always stayed happy. He had everything a person could want; money, friends, girls that wanted him. He had everything at 13, in fact, he was the envy of the town. Lately though, the only thing he's wanted was a girl named Elise. He has always loved her. Everything about her has been what he's always wanted. But as stated before, he's popular, she's not, and this puts a huge tear in their relationship causing unsettling things to occur. He never stops loving her though, he would murder his family for her if he asked. She is his soul, his heart, his everything...without her he becomes a person no one would have expected from him. Depressing, dark, blank... What can bring this charming young man back to himself?
 
PunkRocker315
post May 5 2004, 10:32 PM
Post #48


ChErRiE
****

Group: Member
Posts: 118
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 8,067



WOW happy.gif !! that was so amazing..i loved it..you are really good..i wanna read more happy.gif dang that was so0o good..keep it up...i cant wait to hear more..
 
Sa-Chan
post May 6 2004, 04:16 PM
Post #49


Crying Behind Blind Eyes
****

Group: Member
Posts: 257
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 7,967



Okay guys, I have real bad writer's block, but here ya go.


Chapter Five:


He stared at his hands. He'd hardly been able to breath since he'd knocked on the door of his sister's apartment. He closed his eyes, remembering the look on Claire's face as she saw his blood-stained clothes, and the unconcious, thin girl in his arms. Still, his sister had always been his favorite family member, she had taken Elise in and promised to take care of her until he was able to return.

He sighed, and layed back on his bed, his hands stretched out in front of his face. Once he had snuck back into his house he had scrubbed his hands raw, and trashed his clothes, but he could still see the blood...still smell it. He was a murderer, and not just that, he knew...deep down he knew, that if Elise ever needed it, he would kill again.

He closed his eyes, and could feel an odd smirk forming over his face. He was so screwed up...but she was back, and that was all that mattered. That one fact was what kept him running. He just hoped that she could one day forgive him for whatever he had done to her. He couldn't live with her hating him for the rest of his life, but then he realized...she had seen him kill...she had seen him kill, but she hadn't pulled away from him...

Thoughts continued to flood his mind, but somehow he was able to drift off into a hellish, and yet, all at once, heavenly dream. A dream where she would stay, where they would live together, and everything would be happy. Everything would be fine, up until the day that she was taken from him, forced from his arms. The gang would take their revenge, and he would lose her...all over again...

"NO!" he woke up, once more covered in sweat, he though that maybe...he would escape the dream, the nightmare, if he got her back, but it was back...and it was even more twisted than before, but only one thought ran through his head...he would not lose her again.

The next few days he spent much time at his sister's house, but not once did he dare to go into the room that Elise dwelled in. Strangely, he thought that this wuold be fine if it stayed that way forever. Just so long as she was vaguely near, he was happy. He thought that this was the way it would continue forever, with his just sitting on his sister's couch, staring at his hands. Fate, however, had a different idea.

He had needed to see her face, and had chanced a peek into his old room, which Claire now referred to as "Elise's Room". It was well past midnight, he thought that Elise would be asleep. Seeing her, laying there, peacefully, her features given a silver hue from the soft light of the full moon made his heart race. He took a small step closer.

Before he knew it, he had her in his arms, his cheek to her. His breath blew softly into her ear, as he whispered sweet nothings to her. Then he could feel her body tremble in his arms, a small yawn emit from her lips. He pulled away, and found himself staring into the eyes, the beautiful pools of blue. He stared at her, and she stared back, and he vaguely thought that maybe she didn't recall who he was.

He was startled when she threw her shivering body into his arms, and he pulled her close, and his lips were on hers, and he could feel her long, elegant fingers running through his soft black hair. As their kiss deepened he could almost forget...almost forget it all...almost forget the bad news he had to tell her...

Almost forget as their love was restored...but only almost...


Author's Note: Okay, I'll explain how Elise learned to forgive him in the next chapter, and in the chapter after that it'll explain the bad news. Also, I'm attaching a picture my friend drew for me. It's supposed to be a picture of Lucien and Elise (even though I hadn't thought of the story at the time) as well as something else (Long story).



 
Nehima
post May 6 2004, 05:16 PM
Post #50


.:remember:.
*

Group: Member
Posts: 7
Joined: May 2004
Member No: 14,998



i'm really loving your writing happy.gif
 

6 Pages V  < 1 2 3 4 > » 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
3 User(s) are reading this topic (3 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: