S T R E S S, wth am i supposed to do?? Options

[Respect_Me]

Ok, my Boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now, and he is REALLY insecure. We used to argue all the time when we first started going out again (we broke up for a couple months) because he was so insecure about me in public with a bunch of guys in sight. At school he was constantly telling me, "Nessa, pull up your shirt" or "Nessa, pull up your pants" or "Nessa, don't wear that anymore". And, yes, i would get upset because after a while, you'd start to feel like a little girl who NEEDs TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO, right?? well we kinda lost touch with our friends too because we were ALWAYS together, and at one point in our relationship, i started feeling depressed because i felt like NOBODYwas there for me, i had no friends, i was always arguing with my boyfriend, and he wouldnt understand me. and not to mention, i had to hide my tears from anybody that walked in the room, ESPECIALLY my mom. i started to have no ambitions, or goals, for myself, and all i did was worry about if what i was doing was going to satisfy him... or make him mad? so one day, I just broke down and told him that i really need to have some friends, because hes not THERE for me like he should be, and its really not fair that i have to sit home, alone, while hes out with his friends, and he told me, that it was going to be okay, and that he wanted me to start trying to hang out with my gfs.

Okay, well heres the point finally: now, months later, I actually went to CHURCH with my long-lost best friend that i havent hung out with in a long time, and we went to the mall unexpectedly afterwards, and.... he got MAD AT ME! saying that im UNFAIR and that i ALWAYS "get mad at him" for hanging out with his friends, and that he wanted to spend time with me (even though this was early in the morning and i wouldnt be able to come over until later ANYWAY) and it just totally ruined my day, because EVERYTIME I have ANY FRIENDS AROUND, and i pay the LEAST amount of attention to them, he gets so madd at me... and like, he puts me under SO MUCH pressure to do the right thing when hes "NOT AROUND" that all i do is worry about him when im around ANYBODY. I told him that if we argue like that again, that we were going to take a break from each other for a little while, because im under so much stress from everyone in my family. and its ALL BECAUSE IM WITH HIM ALL THE TIME, and i STILL AM just to MAKE HIM HAPPY! guess what he said... "You're either with me,... or you're not." WHAT THE F*&$?!!! and then yesterday, he tried to take a break with me, because we started SLIGHTLY arguing because i wanted to go school-shopping with JUST my gfs . and he said "You said you need time for 'just yourself' sometimes, so this will give you the chance then"

WHAT THE HELL DOES HE EXPECT FROM ME! AM I THE ONLY ONE TRIPPIN HERE OR DOES IT SEEM LIKE WHAT I SAY TO HIM GOES IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER?! Its just that, when I feel depressed, and pressured from everyone, he makes it WORSE, and i DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, because if I TRY TO TAKE A BREAK, HE WONT LET ME... and its not like i want to break up with him, because we really love each other, its just that we have alot of problems we need to work out...

So, tell me, what do you guys think i should do...? because i sure in the hell dont know what to do without getting him more upset and not getting ANYTHING solved. Thank you so much for reading this, i havent let out this much stress in a LONG TIME...

[technicolour]

TALK WITH HIM. Meaning, ding ding, COMMUNICATION!


If You want to stay with him:
-A GOOD relationship is built on trust, compassion, and communication. If you wanna stay with him, then talk with him.

If you want to stay away from him:
-If he becomes opsessed with you..tell a trusting adult or whomever, and stay away from him as much as you can. Or communicate by telling him to back the <bleep> off.

In my best teenage opinion, I think you should just stay away from him for a little while until you can work things out as best as you can with yourself.

[Respect_Me]

i know what COMMUNICATION MEANS, and I TALK TO HIM ALL THE TIME, THATS WHAT IM SAYING, IS THAT IVE TRIED TALKING TO HIM, BUT FOR SOME REASON IT STILL HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, im sorry but i feel really offended now, because being a smart-ass is not making me feel better, or making me feel like i CAN help my situation

[technicolour]

Sorry If I've offended you, but, If he can't grasp what you're trying to say to us, are you sure you want to stay with him?

[Spirited Away]

Sorry If I've offended you, but, If he can't grasp what you're trying to say to us, are you sure you want to stay with him?

I don't mean to upset the topic starter either, but I agree with you.

The guy's close to being a nut case. It's one thing to be insecure of his own body (etc), but it's another to be insecure about the way you dress.

[silver-rain]

Hmm, in some ways that is like my boyfriend and my relationship, where I was the insecure one. But we talked it through and it's getting so much better for us.
I know that you two have been talking about this, but I think that it has gotten to the point where there might have to be an ultimatum, that is you tell him to to stop acting like that and to trust you or you two can't be together anymore. I think you should stay away from him, either go on another break if you really want to work it out, or just break it off with him, especially if he doesn't seem to understand you.

[aera]

Sorry If I've offended you, but, If he can't grasp what you're trying to say to us, are you sure you want to stay with him?

agree. if he cant understand what you want and only wants you to do what he wants you to do, then break up with him. if you dont want to, then thats your problem, not ours. you shouldnt get all defensive when we're trying to help you.

[yellowgurl]

yes.. we are all trying to help you.. no offense but if he loves you that much he should understand.. if u did tell him word for word what you told us.. let him and you have some time to think about it.. and maybe you should consider what we've told you. what you can do is if the talking part doesnt work then maybe you're right hes just insecure that he might lose you. or something.. ask yourself if you really love him then maybe you should respect his concern. either that or no offense .. find someone else?

[Paradox of Life]

TALK WITH HIM. Meaning, ding ding, COMMUNICATION!
If You want to stay with him:
-A GOOD relationship is built on trust, compassion, and communication. If you wanna stay with him, then talk with him.

If you want to stay away from him:
-If he becomes opsessed with you..tell a trusting adult or whomever, and stay away from him as much as you can. Or communicate by telling him to back the <bleep> off.

In my best teenage opinion, I think you should just stay away from him for a little while until you can work things out as best as you can with yourself.

Let me help emphasize this for you.

COMMUNICATION!

[sheepy]

oh my what a very very insecure boyfriend you have. okay, in a relationship you should still have an identity other than '____ girlfriend', you DO have a life. and you should be entitled to hang out with your girlfriends, and even other boys. i mean, a relationship stands on trust. without it, it'll just be so hectic. okay you tell him, he either change, or girl i think you should go find a better man. i know over a year is a long time, but ... days dont count when all you go through is pain.

[illumineering]

You say you love each other but offer no examples of that love in your post. Everything seems to evolve around drama, insecurity and control. If that's love, you're haven't begun to see the worst of this relationship. Get out of this relationship and take some time to love and nurture yourself w/o all the issues this relationship seems to be creating.

[Chii]

he's not an insecure boyfriend, he's a controlling boyfriend.

this guy isn't doing you any good. he shouldn't be telling you how to wear your clothes as if he's your mother. he also doesn't not have the right to tell you not to hang out with your new found friends. he should be encouraging your new friendships with other people since you didn't have many friends before.

this isn't what a loving relationship is, you shouldn't have to go out of your way and think endlessly about how to not make him angry. think about what this will be like in a few years. do you really want to be freaking out 24/7 about every little thing you do? do you want to analyze all of your actions for the rest of your life?

you seem to talk to him about all your problems but he just doesn't seem to change or much less care. he just wants you to be with only him. don't believe those fairytale cliches about how you only need one person in your life. that's a lie, you need more than a lover in your life. you need to have friends and family.

if he can't accept that then he deserve to be with you, you're putting your life on the line for him and he's just being an ass.

[Mr. Slowjamz]

hmm funny , cause i have closely known a couple who had the same exact problem as you do. if your already up to that point from which you have gave your whole heart to him , i advise you to break up .And yea it is gonna be difficult, but its better if its sooner then later . Cause if youll wait youll just end up getting so upset and hurt in the end up to the point , where you and him will assume each other of cheating , harassing etc . Youll end up breaking each other up inside . its better of telling it to him in a polite honest and caring way . because if that guy was a sensitive type , it can lead to worser conclusions . but who am i to know , i dont really know who you are. im just advising you through what i have seen and experienced.

ehh i really cant think right now but if u still need advice care to pm me .

[*incoherent*]

this sounds like my brothers relationship.

he doesnt really have any friends except his guy friends who his girlfriend absolutely hates and she has no guy friends and my brother doesnt like a lot of her girlfriends. so its pretty much a lose lose situation.

ah stupid drama. damn it all to hell.

[Respect_Me]

Thanx to all your guys's advice and input on what you think i should do! i really appreciate it all and makes me feel like some actually does care. But i talked to him last night and we both broke down and got emotional and i found out a few things that he never told me before, that he wanted from me, so we made an agreement that we would both get what we wanted from each other to keep each other feeling loved and supported and cared for. I guess we were both going through hard times, being depressed and all, and not being there for each other. and as for the person who said that there is no love in our relationship and that all he was to me was controlling, well... there IS love, no doubt about that, but all you've heard was a certain problem we were going through now from MY perspective. I dont want to make it sound like he doesnt love me, and i dont love him, because we LOVE each other SO MUCH, but all relationships have problems, right? and i dont want to quit this great thing i have with my boyfriend, just because of something that COULD be worked out. I mean, i cant sit here and explain the love that we have for each other, because you guys wouldnt get it or probably wouldnt care anyways. but i also wanted to say that i apologize for being defensive, and seeming unappreciative, but i guess it was just a very touchy situation for me.
THANKS TO EVERYONE AND IM VERY SORRY FOR GETTING DEFENSIVE

[technicolour]

Amazing what communication can do. Just amazing.

[aera]

^ :nods:

[Mr. Slowjamz]

hmm i guess i was wrong Good for the 2 of you though

[angelrevelation]

i think you should take a break... at least for a little bit. because you need to sort out everything on your own. don't let him control you!

[lbjshaq2345]

i cant imagine what he wanted *cackles like a maniac for no f**kin reason*

[xldubaliciousx]

I'm glad you two worked it out.

[kpx_danny]

stress is the hardest thing 2 get over. becuz ur mind doesnt function properly. no other way to get over it but to do things 2 get ur mind off of ur problems. i wud recommend playing sports :)