how do i get rid of a stalker, and the fear? Options

[left_alone]

In 5th grade, this guy named *Jay (changing the name) had a big crush on me. My friends didn't approve and neither did I. In 6th grade, he asked me out - and I said yes. I don't know why I said yes because I never liked him at all. Anyways I broke up with him about a month later after I realized this.

In 7th grade we were friends (but he still liked me). He often gave me gifts that I had no choice but to accept. I'm kind of a 'softie' person. I don't like to turn things or people down because I feel like I let them down and I wouldn't want to be in their shoes.

I ended up throwing them away because they were a reminder of this whole situation. He was too persistant. He would call me each day. He would keep asking me out again and again and again. It came to a point where he would call literally EVERY SINGLE SECOND. My family started to get angry about it, just as much as I was. I told him not to do that.

His mother had left him and his father in 7th grade. I think that is why he turned so horrible.

I admit - we hung out on my driveway one day behind my mothers back. I went into my house to get my yearbook to show him. He followed me in. This is a time when I actually trusted him because he was NORMAL. That was the hugest mistake of my life. I'm regretting it every second. I got him out as soon as I got the yearbook. I felt so wrong about hiding it behind my mothers back (I'm not allowed to have boys over at the house) so I told him I had to do my homework. He left and I went back inside.

He called me a few days after that and told me he drank. Alcohol. I couldn't believe it. How could a 13 year old be drinking!? It was illegal. I'm turned off by guys who do that stuff. I decided to end it right there. I told him I had to go and I never picked up his calls from then on (he called like every 3 seconds for about an hour). This worried me. He was OVER obbsessed.

Once - when my sister and I were at home, he came over to my house and knocked on the door. This was about a month and a half after I decided not to talk to him. He kept banging on the door and demanding I open it. This is how the biggest mistake of my life plays into place. He went around the back of my house. I couldn't see him through the windows - although I didn't want to see him.

By the way - he is a punk rocker; who REALLY dresses the part. In 6th grade and the beginning of 7th he was a regular 'prep boy'.

I figured out a few weeks ago that he must have tried to look in my window. Remember - He saw the layout of my house and saw where my room was. He was trying to get me. After 20 minutes he left.

After this he got caught with a weapon in school and he was sent to ALC. He then got transferred to a new school. I believe the weapon was a knife. He called me and made an excuse saying he was working at the car shop and left it in his bookbag. But - if you work in a car shop - you don't need a knife as a tool.

I called my mother and broke down crying because honestly - I'm scared of him and what he will do. These chances would be lowered if he didn't drink, obbsess over me, or dress in freaky ways and listen to heavy metal rock music. Not to forget - STALK ME. I gave my mother his number and she talked to his father. His father supposedly told Jay not to come over anymore.

About a month after that - I think he got mad and somehow got ahold of my cell phone number. He left me the most nasty - digusting - sex related message on my cell. I couldn't believe it. I thought he forgot about me. No such luck. Oddly - his number didn't show up on the caller ID. But I know when he called. I got up at 2:40 a.m. to get a drink and go to the bathroom. After I got back in bed - my phone rang. That is when he called.

I told my mother that it was him since his number didn't show up to prove it. I remember his voice. This got to me. He is too obbessed over me and I should have been a good person and stayed away from him.

I think I may have put my family in danger. I can't get it out of my head. I'm scared he might try to do something outrageous like break into my house next time.

I think i have a bit of OCD. Whenever I like someone I look at their name and the letters. I make sure they don't have alot of letters as Jay's name does.

Every phrase that is said from either the TV, Radio, Teachers, Adults...It all goes to my head and I see if it relates to my situation in all possible ways.

I jump at all the slightest noises made. And my ears have become very keen, because I'm always listening to see if someone is walking around my house or trying to break in. I'm scared to go to sleep at night.

I can't listen to rock music because of the reminder.

I can't think about anything that may relate to sex such as health class or movies with romance because of that phone call.

I can't watch or read dark movies or books because I think of him as a dark person.

I can't think of my 6th or 7th grade year.

I can't stand walking in my house - the same steps he took when he came in.

I think I have been robbed of my childhood. PLEASE! I'm begging you to give me advice on how to handle this without feeling guilt and fear. I want to start living a good life. I have been commited to reading the Bible, praying, and asking for my sins to be forgave. But I feel this isn't enough.

I take full responsibility for what I have caused. But is there a way I can get over the fear of him...and the OCD I have? I considered asking my mom if she would take me to a therapist - but then I have to retell that story that kills me inside out. I feel horrible to have caused this and put my family in some danger. Please help me. I try to look confident on the outside but my fears are taking over me piece by piece.

Please help me. I don't want to confront my mom again because she will get mad. I don't want to disappoint her anymore. I want to live a regular life. Like everyone else. I beg of you. Help.

[shortiiex]

Drinking at age 13 is reall nothing, at my school that age was all about 3rd or 4th base

There is really nothing you can do...Jay has to help himself out, it's Jay's issues that got you into this mess, Jay has to face his own problems right now, you can try to help him but i can't gurantee it will work


*From now on...never be alone

[*mishyerr*]

You and Jay need to go see some sort of counselor. I believe that you do have OCD. I know someone who has OCD... (scared of germs...) but yeah. ^_^ You can't let it affect your life!

[aera]

change your home phone number and your cell phone number. i would tell you to move too, but thats probably not possible. and you can report this to the police too. and dont go anywhere by yourself.

dont forget to lock your doors ><

[Individualityy]

Well, at this point, there is nothing that you, yourself, can do anymore. You've already told him to go away, you've shown him that you're not interested in him..and yeah..

Now, it's time to go to the police. Or to your school counselor. Alert authority. This is getting really serious, and you better do it fast..because there's always a possibility that you may get hurt.

Once you've done this, and he's out of your life, your fear will gradually decrease. It will heal with time, but for now, alert authority. That's the best option.

Good luck.

[steezahh]

You could always block his number form your cell phone//house phone; or move houses FAR FAR AWAY.. but really just let it all out with someone, even if it kills you to say it, tell the police he's walking by your house the police most likley will wait in your neighborhood and keep an eyes out... it works

[XtasyHigh]

but... yuu said he moved away?

[Chii]

get a restraining order and tell a guidance counselor about him, he/she'll be able to force him to see a psychiatrist.

[_sarcastic_]

talk to your school councelor or report this to the police, just to be on the safe side.

[lKVNiiKINKYl]

knee them in the groin

[megan_x3]

1. Report to a police about *Jay.
2. Tell your councelor about *Jay, and you, the way he is obsessed with you.
3. Always be with someone when school is over, you don't know if he may be hiding somewhere wanting to see you.
4. Don't be afraid and have guilt inside you. It's nothing to be afraid of. God will forgive your sins, you may have put your family in danger of him, but I'm sure he will get over you.
5. GO TO ADT and put a alarm in your house! Always put the password in the security thing, once if people wants to break in, police and people will call and see if your alright. They will come to your house if no one answers too, ADT is safe! ADT = security / alarm company.
6. He may needs help .. insanity ?!?! He needs to see a doctoer A.S.A.P !!
7. Wow , he saw your whole entire house layout and remembers everything. must be very obsessed. You can move if you think it's really unsecure there. Must not give out your address to anyone that is friends with him. He can definetly go to your new house and destroy your life there, once again.

Wish you with best luck on *Jay

[mouse_3k]

go to the police and get a restraining order.

[*RockizLife*]

Please don't let him control your life like this. It's what he's trying to do. Don't let him win. Forget him and get your life back. I know, easier said then done, but you have to try. And what exactly was the weapon he had at school? Some schools consider a compass for Geometry class a weapon, so you may be freaking out about the weapon for nothing.

[Shahin]

Get a fat group of people and beat the crap out of Jay.

[AMBERLY07]

1 time my older sister was stalked the only thing i cane say is police

[technicolour]

Please don't let him control your life like this. It's what he's trying to do. Don't let him win. Forget him and get your life back. I know, easier said then done, but you have to try. And what exactly was the weapon he had at school? Some schools consider a compass for Geometry class a weapon, so you may be freaking out about the weapon for nothing.

One kid actually stabbed another kid at my school with one of those... Never saw him again...

Seriously. Restraining order.

Harassment includes:

Repeated, intrusive, or unwanted acts, words, or gestures that are intended to adversely affect your safety, security, or privacy, regardless of the relationship between you and the alleged harasser; Targeted residential picketing, which includes:

marching, standing, or patrolling by one or more persons directed solely at a particular residential building in a manner that adversely affects the safety, security, or privacy of an occupant of the building, and
marching, standing, or patrolling by one or more persons which prevents an occupant of a residential building from gaining access to or exiting from the property on which the residential building is located.
A pattern of attending public events after being notified that one's presence is harassing to another.

Instructions: Fill out the Petitioner's Affidavit and Petition for Restraining Order. Provide as many details as possible.

source: http://www.letswrap.com/legal/hro.htm


Seriously.

[loljuliana]

well he's at another school so that should help abit. lock all your doors. if you're alone at home; maybe invite a few friends over.

^ like what she said. restraining order. or call the police. block his number so he cant call; change your number; change your house number. change your screenname / xanga / myspace / email / anything else he has of you. dont let him have any trace of you :]

[*suddenly she*]

print out what you just told us, give it to your mom/counselor at school, anyone who you think can help you. the whole thing, including the part about not wanting to tell your mom, going behind her back, etc. it'll show that you want to stop this whole fiasco.

[ApocalypseAelis]

He's seriously going too far. You need to get the police involved. I highly recommend your seeing a therapist, too. It may hurt to retell the story, but I'm sure he/she will be able to help and you'll feel much better in the long run. It's like pulling a tooth out. If you don't get it pulled out, it'll nag at you and bother you a lot, and when you do get it pulled, it'll hurt for a brief moment and then the pain will completely disappear.

[kill me please]

thats serious. and jw, how old are you now? god all that happened at that age... thats not cool. id go with what other people said.. you need to tell an adult that can help. wow im sorry this happened to you=/.

[LadyXTor]

First and foremost, I want to say, I feel sorry for him. However, we think that you should step up, confront him, tell him. Lastly, tell your mom, it's going to come up sometime. If you don't tell her, you're putting your family into more danger. And DO take therapy, it'll help greatly.

[Paradox of Life]

What was the point of talking to his father? So the poor boy could be restrained against his will? TALK TO 'JAY'! Talk to him about the situation and straighten things out. Don't be afraid of him! And don't be scared of him because he listens to heavy metal and dresses how he does. You're stereotyping him, but then again, you have a pretty good reason to be scared of the kid. Blah, TALK TO HIM. COMMUNICATION.