My friend needs help, What should I do? Options

[Ilaem]

Okay, so my BEST friend ever has a eeer, problem. One of her family members are sexually abusive and she made me promise not to tell. She wants to live like a normal person and stuff. I suggested that she tell someone or i would. She threatened to kill herself if i told. And i wouldn't doubt her. Especially right now. She has been reall depressed lately and she has started to cut again. I know that i should tell someone because it has become real serious. PLEASE, help.

[yummy_delight]

I think you really need to tell someone. Not only is she being sexually abused, she's suicidal, as well. She needs help, and she can't get it if nobody knows.

[aera]

tell someone. tell your mom or something, but dont let her know that you told until someone does something about it.

[elaboratedream]

that's a really hard one... but you really need to tell someone.

[monxcheri]

i know it's really hard, but you have to tell someone. it's for her own good too, so she'll thank you in the long run

[dahding]

1. try to get her to tell someone.
2. talk to an adult within her family, besides the person who is sexually abusing her.
3. tell ur own parents.
4. call the cops and arrest the person's ass.

those are ur choices.

[Comptine]

um... well... i don't really think a public forum is a great way to figure out this problem.

i suggest you first try to talk to her about and convice her to tell someone. if she persists on keeping it a secret and continues to hurt herself, you should tell an adult such as your mother or a guidance counsler. she might be mad at you but just imagine what would happen if the sexual abuse continued. her cutting can also get out of control.

don't worry about the suicide thing. mention this when you seek help and your friend would be handled properly. she'll be placed under suicide watch and treated by a therapist.

[*anubis*]

i don't think it's a good idea to tell someone, unlike everyone else so far.

i've had a friend that has dealt with the same situation. it's just that, usually, these people put in these situations are very very strong people.

they don't need that help. she trusted you NOT to tell anyone, and if you did, she would seriously f**king hate you for life.

my friend cut herself, did everything, through this situation, but she knew how to handle it in the end.

if you spread it out and let the WHOLE WIDE WORLD KNOW.

you will destroy her. i hope you know that.

you may think you're helping--but just by telling is making it worse. since it's only in her family now, she can handle it because it's in a small range. once you TELL PEOPLE and PEOPLE TRY TO HELP HER, she may lose control.

you don't want that kind of regret, do you?



//edit

also, i'd like to mention,

after my friend's secret was told to a doctor and people tried helping her, she was so humiliated she tried to kill herself. twice.

she lost control and they held her at a mental institution for months.

and she ended up failing the grade. and moved this summer.

and if nobody had told in the first place, i doubt any of this would have happened. she would have still remained a straight A student. because she could deal with it.

once it was out in the open, she no longer could.

[Comptine]

what if the attacker does it again? and again? just because he wasn't brought to justice. not getting caught makes a person even more daring. and even if she makes it through it intact, doesn't mean she's alright. there's the mental scarring. i was molested as kid and now i regret not getting the bastard because he still owns several afterschool places packed full of little kids.

and it someone from the girl's family. someone she will most likely see again. it could even be someone inside the house. how is she suppose to deal with that alone?

although, Ilaem, there is one thing that could go really badly if you tell. Sometimes families do not want to admit to sexual abuse so they might dismiss your allegation and end up hurting you friend.

[shortiiex]

she was sexually abuse?
ask her why doesn't she want noone to know? there must be a good reason why she doesn't want crime put in jail

[jue]

if she gets mad that you told; tell her why you told. Its cause she's your best friend and you care for her. Tell someone. Tell your mom or soemthing

[technicolour]

You have 2 choices.

1. Tell someone and she's suicidal so that might send her off a cliff
2. Let her figure something out about it.


Really that's all you can do.

[yukichan]

Tell an responsible adult..Like a teacher or counselor..
Even if she hates you for the rest of your life, you would know that you did the right thing..
After you do that, take away everything dangerous from her (knifes,scissors[sp?], paper clips, etc.)
and ALWAYS be there for her if she wants to talk..

[angelrevelation]

who exactly is the person that's abusive? because if it's like an uncle or something, you can tell the parents, and they can keep an eye on your friend so she doesn't try to kill herself. and if it's a parent, you can tell a trusted family friend or something. she should really speak up though, because it probably won't stop on its own

[Ilaem]

Cutting does NOT make you suicidal unless you do it until you bleed to death and die. Calling her suicidal means that she is a self murderist, which she is not, she might attempt to, but that is not because of her cutting. SHEESH

Anywho, the person abusing her is her uncle...thanks for the advice

And btw, some od you this is innapropriate for a public forum, but it's not like i said: I have this friend Susie Joe lacy Doe and she is 15 years old and she lives in Michigan and she goes to Burton High School and the person abusing her is her uncle and he is 46 years old and he lives on Pear street across of Borders and his name is Frankie leaf flutterby....gosh, it is VERY anonymous...SHEESH

before you DO tell someone, u should try talkin out with her about you telling someone, she wont kill herself, dont worry

[*anubis*]

she wont kill herself, dont worry

WHAT THE FUCKK???

how the hell would you know??

just because you might not doesn't mean you can assume everyone else wont. you could be underestimating her limits.

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

you have to get her to realize she has to tell someone.
get her out of that house or away from that person as much as you can until she realizes that she needs to get an adults attention.

[*anubis*]

oh yeah. and another thing.

if you want other people to know, you have to let HER tell people. no matter what, under any circumstances, DONT TELL PEOPLE FOR HER. when she's ready, she can decide if she wants to tell herself or not. NEVER do it FOR HER.

[ikn0wmyabc]

After reading this it brought back a story one of my teachers had told the class. Very similar story..let me tell you how it went.

There was a girl she was about the age of 16-17. She was an average girl like the rest. you look at her and think that theres absolutely nothing wrong in her life. Well in-fact thats quite incorrect, she had an alcoholic father that would abuse her sexually and physically. Her parents had been divorced and I dont know where her mother was. The girl basically kept it all to herself, and it usually happened every night or every other night. My teacher had to teach night school and you know how they are "Ok class, everyone take turns telling us who you are and ect ect." you know what they usually do.. to know you better. The girl got up there and told the whole class what went on in her life and everyone was just in shock how she stood there and had the discipline and the courage to tell a huge classroom full of strangers.

Notice how the girl told a group of strangers by herself without being forced to or anything. Im sure she had told some friends..maybe not. A few days after that..she decided to call the cops and get him arrested. She ended up living with one of her friends after that her father got arrested.

The point is let her tell who she wants when shes ready...She'll know what to do.

[Ilaem]

YAY!

I'm sooooo happy!!
*smile*
My friend turned in her uncle
Two days ago
She is going to live with her grandparents now
And she is moving to Washington
It's REAL far from all her freinds
But atleast she can go to sleep knowing she'll be alive the next day
I am sooooo happy for her


YIPPEE

[iiTsDAYNA]

Good! She did the right thing. The uncle should be put in jail.