createblog diary, v.5 Options

[*stephinika*]

originally started by faithin_felix.

version1
version2
version3
version4

i think this is self-explanitory, no? but don't post in here just quoting and commenting another's post, you must post your own 'entry' as well.


--------------


dear cb diary,

last night was fun. i was so glad i had her to talk to and i know that i can trust her. i actually told her my little 'secret' and it was such a relief. i didn't tell her the whole secret obviously but still...it felt so good to just get that out, y'know? and she didn't treat me like a bad person about it which was great. its true though...one can't control how one feels. feelings just happen. its like that quote... "Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary." - Mark Twain, and i think its so very true.
i miss him though. i can't wait to just talk to him...tomorrow will be fun. beach party! last night was great though....she's such an amazing friend and i'm so glad we can just talk about everything with each other.
life isn't so bad i suppose...confusing, yes, but not that bad. wow...its amazing how much one or two people can affect your life.

[*lolita kitty*]

dear cb diary,

people are so rude. i mean, i dont know. i hate being so sensitive, if i could take it back, i would. i cry at every insult that hits me and no one understands. they all think im some insecure crybaby that they dont want to deal with.

yeah, i am. isnt it horrible? well whatever, i try to hold it back and stay calm.

my mom is being really mean. she keeps yelling out things and just over reacting and acting like a 10 year old. today i dropped some coke on the floor and she screamed at me so loud and got sooo mad and started cussing. i started to cry of course.

i guess thats where it all comes from. the ignorance of my fcuking mother.

patricia and jaylyn think i have serious problems and wont even talk to me now. they kept insulting me saying "YOUR SUCH A f**king INSECURE CRYBABY WHO NO ONE WANTS TO DEAL WITH... LEAVE US ALONE". they said they were trying to um, help me?

well since my friends are being bitches, i really dont have anyone to talk too.

11 days till i go back to daddys house. i reeeaaaallllyyy cant wait. this summer is being a bitch. i want it to end.

...cassie...

[redpeony]

i remind myself of Lena from Sisterhood Of The Travelling Pants.

i know... what kind of believable character could come from a story about a magical pair of pants?

but the way i'm just so afraid to open up... i don't know.

all around me I see my friends believing in stuff like falling in love, thinking about a guy all day long with a smiles on their faces...

i could do that if i wanted to. but i keep telling myself that i don't want to.

it's so many things that lead to this

i know for one that religious reasons are holding me back at least a little bit. i'm still trying to find out who i am and how to live in God... i know for one that if i did get involved with a guy who was for instance not religious, then i would be held back. it's important to me that my spirituality can grow...

also, i'm having difficulties with my own character, as i know that i could definitely improve the way i am as a person. patience with others, compassion, etc...
i see my friend, who deserves a good guy so much more than me... yet she doesn't have one. why? because guys don't think she is as "attractive" as they would like her to be. she puts up a front when she doesn't know people.
what is attractive? why do we call someone "girlfriend/boyfriend material" if they are okay looking to say the least, has cool interests, doesn't make you feel uncomfortable in their presence.
people who look at it that way see themselves as "not superficial", because they aren't just looking for the physical characteristics, right?

but my friend has a good heart. i don't.

and as much as i would like to fall head over heels in love, i don't think i'd be able to, even if i put my religious values aside...
i feel too guilty about who i am...
i need to change...........

[*jooleeah*]

Dear Createblog Diary,
I want everything to stop. Someone get me out of here.

[Looow]

Dear Createblog Diary,

You know, I don't even know myself why I'm not happy.

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

wow. i'm feeling okay today...finally have my godamn account back, so i'm happy about that.
oh and kudos to brie and anna for making up and just being nice...i like seeing people be nice to each other. and brie, i agree with anna (if you see this)...i think i know what you're talking about and i'm rooting for you too.
hm...still freaked out from yesterday but i'm doing better...its funny how a simple chat on the phone can cheer one up so easily, but yeah parents suck. bleh. other than that...i guess life is the same. great yet horrible all at once.
i've just decided though, people and gossip are evil. thats all. bye now.

[sharerol]

Dear createBlog Diary,

Hm, I've basically been bored to death all day. I'm still bored. Just 30 more minutes. I can wait.

--Cheryl

[xldubaliciousx]

Dear cB Diary:

Today I went shopping. Yeah.. I go shopping way too much. I should probably be doing something a lot more productive.. But I'm way too lazy for that. Which is pretty bad. Ah.. come to think of it, I don't know what it is with me and clothes. I just love clothes and jewlery and shoes.

I'm really not dressing to impress anyone though.. Sometimes I think my friends try to portray a certain "look" to get a guy's attention.. But I'm not like that. I don't think so. Or maybe I'm just as bad as them? Well I don't know because like a lot of the times I don't even NEED the stuff I'm buying. But sometimes I feel like I HAVE to have it.. It's ridiculous really.. I guess I think material things will somehow make me happier. But when it comes down to it.. It doesn't matter how you dress on the outside if you don't feel all that well in the inside. Like after having a crap day.. I look at what I'm wearing and sort of just laugh. Because my clothes didn't get me anywhere.

Gosh. I totally just overanalyzed the fact that I like to shop.

<33

[Teesa]

Dear CB Diary-
Don't I deserve someone? Can't I be selfish for one time? Every one is so happy with the one they are with..or they have experienced that feeling of being loved or loving someone so much, it hurts. I want that so much right now. But there are too many things going on. And I feel that I am too insecure. I feel like I am attracted to so many people, that I'm not sure of what I want. It's like everywhere I go, I will be drawn to some random person. Or it could be someone I've known for a while. Everyone has always told me what to do in life, and I just wish that someone could make a decision for me or tell me who I am supposed to end up with. I can't stand being alone. I need to be held, touched, kissed by that special someone.

And the sad part is that I can't talk to anyone I know about this. No one, seriously, understands. That might seem like an over-dramatic statement, but it's true. Everyone has experienced that. Maybe I will be a Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed, where the part in the end doesn't happen and I will end up alone.

I am so damn sad right now. I can't explain it very well either.

-Teesa

[[Scr3amin][Horro...]

Dear cB Diary,

Summer here, but it pouring raining, well any least it stopped now .
When shopping & brought alot of flip flops .
All for now!
Byeee

Liz

[*lolita kitty*]

hey there-

its me again. ok... you have nofcuking idea what went on today. it was just, wow.

mom threw another tantrum about how bad the computer was and kept yelling and cussing at me for breaking it. but guess what? CAROLINE DID. THAT LITTLE BITCH... getting me in trouble for what she did.

then she yelled "go get those damn groceries out of the car and put them away". and i did... alone. carrie sat there all innocent playing her video games. then she threw a crying fit and made herself sound all pathetic.

she grabbed her keys and stormed out of the door cussing the whole way. she came back with a new cord for the computer and told us it better work. while she was gone, i yelled at carrie for getting me in trouble.

the cord was a f**king 60 dollars. stupid laptop shit =[
anyways, it works and i just e-mailed dad and told him everything. i dont want to be here anymore........ i miss dad.

i cant talk to anyone either. all of my friends are rejecting me after what happened and everyone on cb eiter thinks im some attention wanting freak or a slow idiot. boo

<333 10 days till i go back to cali and see him again. w00t. =D

...cassie...

[inthemudhole]

oh and kudos to brie and anna for making up and just being nice...i like seeing people be nice to each other. and brie, i agree with anna (if you see this)...i think i know what you're talking about and i'm rooting for you too.

Thanks a lot, Steph. I appreciate that a lot, and I'm happy about Anna and I making up too.

--

Dear createBlog diary,

A few of my friends are really annoying me right now. They invited me into a chat on AIM, and they are just SO giddy. It's really getting on my nerves. I just went through an emotional breakdown about twenty minutes ago, but they're too caught up with their ideas of a party to even care. The thing is... I don't even know what I want from them right now. I want them to care, but I don't want to talk about it.

Maybe I should just stop complaining.

This summer school course isn't getting me anywhere. I'm repeating the second semester of Algebra I, but this teacher's method is horrible. I shouldn't have slacked off during eighth grade, because my teacher's method was very good. I just took advantage of the whole year, and it hit me hard. I don't know what's going on in this math class and we don't even f**king go over it. He gives us a damn test everyday and that's all we work on. I'd rather have five worksheets or assignments a night to do at home, because then I'd at least get something out of it. I don't learn anything during this class. I'm probably failing for all I know.

My parents want to go out of town for the weekend. I don't know about that... I can't stand going anywhere with them. Oh well. It could be fun. I could maybe go to a semi-local concert then if we go to Bismarck, North Dakota. That would be GREAT. It's an all day concert... from about noon to midnight with a lot of local to semi-local metal bands. I really hope I can go. If not, then I'll just separately catch the bands when they come into Fargo.

I really miss Jessica... It's been about three years since she died, but I'm really starting to miss her.... a lot. I saw one of our mutual friends yesterday and we looked at each other with this sort of understanding or something. It was really different, but not necessarily bad. I'm just glad she didn't suffer, but I really miss her now... She would've been a senior this year. She was one of the most caring people ever.... I guess I should stop dwelling on it though, just the thing is... it just hit me now. Yeah, it hit me pretty hard at her funeral, but now it's just hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I feel like such an idiot when I cry. I don't do it very often, so I think that's why I feel so stupid when I do it. Last night was the fourth night in a row that I've basically cried myself to sleep. It's just the memories. I realize I'm only thirteen (well, almost fourteen now), but I have a lot of bad memories. Oh, and some good ones too, but those make me just as sad, just as ready to cry over, because they're so good and I miss those things.

I guess I should stop dwelling on such things. The thing is, I tell myself that... but I never follow through with it. I just dwell on things until I can't stand it anymore.

Anyway, onto something else...
Apparently I was wrong or something, but the Offspring DVD doesn't come out until the eighteenth or something. I thought it came out yesterday, but when I went to Best Buy and Media Play today, I didn't see it, so I asked them and they said it comes out then. Man, I felt stupid. ;x Oh well, I had about fifty bucks on me, so I bought the Stone Sour CD and DVD set. I love Stone Sour. It's great to see Corey Taylor in another band. Slipknot's great, do NOT get me wrong, but it's really great to see him in another band as well. (Big emphasis on as well.)
I can't wait until Slipknot's done with this tour! Then they can work on their side projects and such. I love all of their side projects almost as much as I love them, so this'll be great. Stone Sour gets a new album out next year.
Rammstein and Children of Bodom have new albums out in September of this year.
This is great.

This song's making me so sad.
I watched the DVD portion of The Offspring's greatest hits album, and Dexter (singer and guitarist) and Noodles (guitarist) spoke about the songs on there, and "Gone Away" is apparently about someone somewhat in denial about someone that died, and it's actually quite sad. I never realized that before. I never really read into their lyrics before, so yeah.

Anyway, enough for now.

See ya.

-Brie

[`SWTWiNKLE3YES]

Dear cB Diary,

I`m bored to death .. i`m still so sore and tired from yesterday. Cleaning my room is very erm interesting lol; found a lot of old things and nasty junk it feels better to live in a clean room lmfao. Nothing to really do right now. Maybe I should go outside and water the fcuking grass cus my grandma keep feening on me for not doing that everyday. "The grass on the other side is much greener" lol its very true our grass is like fcuking D E A D! well, i hope tommorow i have plans so i can get out of this house!

bye for now.
-- adrienne

[*jooleeah*]

Dear Createblog Diary,
I look at all these topics like "message to anyone" or some sort of love topic in relationships...and if makes me wonder, will I have that sort of love? I know, I'm young. But...what if I turn out to be single when I'm 40...50...60? By the time I die...will I be alone? It's...just so..depressing. Of course, I'm happy for those people who have someone to love..but if makes me so, so jealous. I've been waiting for a while, and this stupid town has yet to show me the perfect boy.

Maybe I'll edit this later.

-Julia

[*tweeak*]

Dear cb diary,

I know this is pretty, immatrue, and hell, yes, it's pretty damned stupid. but i was looking through my friend's 7th grade yearbook (i'm babysitting her sister) because i lost mine, and i notice that she drew big ears, things over my eyes and wrote "ewww" next to my name. now, yes, this was 3 years ago, but we were better friends then than we were now. now i've called her a whore. in 7th grade, i barely knew what that meant. so whle yes it is incredibly stupid of me to be mad about something she did in 7th grade, i am a bit. but i went through and made my own additional comments in her yearbook in addition to hers. i feel so dumb. but oh well, at least i didn't resort to calling people gayfers, as she did james

[ANG33ZY]

Dear CB Diary,

I'm leaving to Europe soon :) I'm so excited <3. I'll be there for 2 Weeks. Why can't I be there right now though :( They're leaving on the 13th . OMG so close, yet so far. haha </3

Then August 6 is my bday party .. My cousin & I are planning to go to Great America this one day o_o.

anyways i'm bored & hungry. and there was another fire on the hills a couple miles from me. i could see it from the window near me right now. it's scary ..

<3, me

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,
I need to find something better to do with my time. Seriously.
-Me.

[*stephinika*]

brie - aww, not a problem.

dear cb diary,

ugh. life is...weird. thats all i have to say. well...dreams are anyways. are they a sign of things to come or what? its funny, 'cause we told each other about our odd dreams...hm. we joke and talk so much about sexual things, its kinda funny really. i don't mind because its fun and the thing is, i know we have a more serious friendship/relationship too because whenever something serious comes up, he knows and i know when to cut the sarcastic and joking crap and actually have a serious discussion. but lately i've been thinking...what is our relationship? it seems like more than friends but i don't know...its weird to think about actually. eh. *shrug* one thing i do know...he makes me happy and i like that. like...actually truly happy. its an amazing feeling.

[Mulder]

dear createblog diary,

i'm really bored, and i continue to have no life. but, im going to be on a cruise to alaska in a few days, so that makes me happy. and my friend is gonna let me borrow his copies of photoshop, flash, dreamweaver...basically everything that ive wanted but couldnt afford. plus he's gonna host my website. I LOVE U GEORGE!! and we're gonna see a movie tomorrow.

-michelle

[*lolita kitty*]

oh f**k no. i wrote like 5 paragraphs about how pissed off i am and then my damn computer turned off...
ERGH. PIECE OF SHIT. now no one will get to see... well... er... nevermind. i just feel like crap. no one will be nice to me. i dont get to see my dad for 10 more days. brandi thinks im stupid because im jealous of her and emmily. i mean what he hell am i supposed to do when my bff gets another bff. she has pics of them two all over her myspce and keeps talking about how cool they are and such. her and i were best friends!!!!!!!!

patricia and jaylyn hate me. they think im a psyco, and when i run away, they hate me even more. they said if i keep going the way i am, im going to end up a a slut. wow, how would you like one of your closest friends to say you were going to end up a slut????? i felt like shit and ditched them. they said if i was going to be that way then i didnt have to see them again. thy blocked me from every buddy list they had and the last thing they said was they were f**king glad i wasnt going to their school next year. the school im going to has brandi and emily, and a few friends from 6th grade i barely remember.

my only life is internet now. the only people i can talk to is my dad or my so-called internet friends. thats not very helpful. people keep making fun of me and calling me stupid and stuff and saying how ugly i am. im not ugly. im not!!!!! i just try to tell myself itheir no-good internet people i.... but.... i always end up crying. im such a goddamned crybaby!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!! I f**king hate it.

my mom wont listen to me, she just ignores me and talks tro her friends onlien all day. sad thing is i do too. whenever i tell her something she just starts crying or yells at me. i have to deal with 10 more days of my mom yelling, screaming, throwing my shit around, and cussing at me for shiut my f**king sister did. not fun.

i just want to go home to dad and see brandi, tell her what a bitch life is, and have her sympathy. but that cant happen. i can tell dad. but.... hes ust different. hes not my friend. hes my father. he'll listen and hug me, but then when school comes, i have a whole new problem to deal with. im just going to try to make new friends and pretend nothing is wrong.

ill tell myself, im not slow, im not stupid, im not an ugly idiot, im not a worthless freak whose going to end up a slut. [oh yeah, patricia said that one], and i am a pretty smart nice girl. i wish.

this is getting too weird, im going to go and um, do stuff......... whatever......

kill me now.
- cassie

[*tweeak*]

i think this s really becoming an obsesson. i don't like being obsessed.

[Looow]

Dear Createblog Diary,

Wow today I made myself the yummiest sandwhich ever. Seriously, it was great. Indeed the best sandwhich I've ever made in my whole entire life.

Anyways. yeah quincianera planning. What to say..? Uhm well righ now I'm hella confused about my main godpaarents. She's a bitch. She seems to perfect like no shit will ever come out of her mouth. God, not true. Okay maybe I'm being a little harsh ..but it's so. What gives her the right to get into my mom and dad's lives. Seriously. Ugh. I thought we could trust her. We were obviously wrong. I know some of the stuff she and her husband (my uncle) have been through and she doesn't se me going over and telling all my uncles and aunts and everyone else I know. I mean, she's nice to me directly but fjksgdfjds. She's actually great. Or she's been at least. She's changed lately. Ever since I found out the whole gossiping thing. Or maybe she's been like this all along. Ugh. People these days.

*Takes a deep breath* Okay tomorrow, I'm def going to call. I know what to say now. I'm not going to go off. Ahh after years, I still have so much hate. fjsfjs

<3 Lorenaaaaaa

[ichiban]

dear cb,

i hate myself right now. it feels like im pissing everyone off. im just in a bad mood right now so thats why im so .. annoying at the moment. i have the worst luck. i was all ready to go to the mall and exchange these two greatttt jackets for a larger size cause they were way too tight (stupid me for not properly trying them on). and then in the car, i get a bloody nose -,- a reallyyy blooody and long one too. i was getting blood all over the damn car. so sat in the parking lot for a while, trying to get my nose to stop bleeding. at the same time my stomach was hurting like a mother. so i just told my dad to take me back home. and the second we hit the freeway, my bloody nose stops. my gosh. i am a bit desperate to exchange my jackets, yes i know. i just really like them and they were at a reallly good price and im afraid itll be sold out.

im stressed out by the stupid party.

[*lolita kitty*]

dear cb diary,

ive written too much. this thing is just attracting me.
anyways, thirs entry today. crazy, i know.
mom made nachos for dinner and dad called. i got so sad, i was telling him i wanted to go back to cali. NOW. people are pissing me off and im crying more than i should. life is a bitch, i wanna go home.

carrie and connor wont stop fighting. patricia and jaylyn are being a bitch and dont wanna talk to me anymore. brandi is being rude and wont talk to me because im jealous. mom is throwing her tantrums way to much. carrie is getting me in trouble for shit she did. mom is yelling and cussing and crying at me. .... my god.... this is just .... wow.

um yeah, bye v__v

[xldubaliciousx]

Dear cB Diary:

Today was so freaking awkward. Ack. I hate that. It used to be natural and we'd laugh like there was no tomorrow. I guess it just isn't there anymore. Or maybe it was because I was tired.

What do I want? I have no idea.

<33

[osidepinay33]

Dear Cb diary..

well there's this guy that's keeps hitting on me and i don't want to lead him on. So everytiem he wants to go out somwhere i tell him "i can't" or "my parents won't let me" I barely knoe the gy and i think things are just going way to fast here. But i don't lyk him. My heart still belongs to Jason. He's the only one that has opened my heart. And no other boy has eva done that to me. oh well juz having boy problems again!

Stay forever blessed,

x__unheard of...