She's my best friend in the world Options

[deadsouls]

So I know this girl, I talk to her on my xanga at or near the end of every entry.
Well she's my best friend, we've had some really good times, almost went out once, but it didn't work out after a whole bunch of other people bombarded her after seeing us talking around. After that, she turned away from me and went out with this other guy who wasn't even in the picture at all. But we're still really close friends today.

I wont get into any of her personal issues, but they've played a very big role between us, I'll just say that.

It's not so bad, it's actually taught me a huge deal about why it's better to be a friend to someone instead of more. We have a kinda spiritual energy between us, kinda like we're soul mates, but just friends.

It's one of those things where a bad day is only a day when I don't get to see her for a second or at least hear her voice at least once.

Sometimes I still have that wanting to be with her. I think back and feel as if I was cheated out of showing her just how I feel. Now I can only express it through words and the way she works inside (or at least how I think she may work inside) is that when she's around her current b/f, she seems like sometimes she is far away from being the friend that she once was to me. It's only sometimes though. It used to be worse, but a few nights ago when her b/f was out of state to do things for the military for a few days, me and her spent the night a friends house (cuz she doesn't live at home, she lives with him), we connected so well, it felt so good, and normally she never cared to call me or even try to get in touch with me except for meeting me at this coffeehouse that i go to. But after those couple of days, I went back home, and she actually called me and wanted to talk! But that day her b/f came back. Afterwards she went back to the way she was. She'd come to this coffeehouse with him and stay for only a few minutes and then leave.

I can see it in her eyes that she still consideres me, but she's in such a complicated situation where she holds back. She's with him for security. She wants to merry him, but he doesn't want to yet.

I still feel that I don't need to try to win her, but I still have that wanting. We tell eachother that we love eachother, and in a sense, its only a friendly love. But we've talked over so many deep things, cried on each other time and time again and have had more indepth emotional moments between just us that we both know its alot more than friendly love. We love eachother in an indescribable way.

Well, I've not had an actual g/f in years, and this feel's like it's so close, but I just can't reach it. I think about her well-being so much. She asked me today if she should choose between either security or pure love, and seeing the situation that she's in (having no place to stay but at his house, I live with my mom and have no car and I'm already one too many for her place), I told her to stay with the security. But I see in her eyes that she still thinks about me. It's an intiment friendship if you know what I mean.

Anyway, this is most likely boring you completely out, so I'll just end it here.

Thoughts?