You Left Your Scent on My Shirt |
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 May 26 2005, 06:19 PM
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#1
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 Amberific.  Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 12,913 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,772  |
I've been mulling over writing this for the past week and since I have nothing to do, I figured now's the time to do it.
------- you left your scent on my shirt there we were at last. face to face. lips to lips. tongue to tongue. arms embracing each other so strongly. a year's worth of longing culminating in a kiss so wonderful. it's funny, you know. i had been building that moment up in my mind for so long that it seems strange for it to finally have happened. an hour or two after it was over, i thought to myself, "was this just a dream? has my mind taken what I wanted so dearly and created a fantasy so vivid that I believe it to be true?" but then I realized that my shirt smelled like you. like some alluring scent that I have not in my possession. and the fantasy of us became startlingly real. |
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| *mona lisa* |
May 26 2005, 06:55 PM
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#2
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Guest |
Wow Carrie, this is very beautiful. Diction is superb, they are so touching. Aww. Is this about "him"?
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May 26 2005, 06:58 PM
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#3
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Amberific. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 12,913 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,772 |
 "I'll never teeeellllll......."Yeah, it's about "him." 
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May 26 2005, 07:00 PM
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#4
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 The Best Thing Since Instant Soup Group: Member Posts: 815 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 104,928 |
It's really good.. but I don't like the extra periods in here:
face to face. lips to lips. tongue to tongue. Instead it would've been better as: face to face lips to lips tongue to tongue But that's just me.. and little things bug me lol Overall, it's really good. I would give it a 9/10 or even more.. *thumbsup* <--my fake emoticon hehe |
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May 26 2005, 07:56 PM
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#5
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Amberific. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 12,913 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,772 |
^ Hm...I think I rather agree with you. Thanks for the suggestion.
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| *stephinika* |
May 26 2005, 08:13 PM
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#6
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Guest |
carrie, this is amazing. i seriously love it. i can completely relate and the words and descriptions you use are fabulous.
 great job.
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May 26 2005, 09:45 PM
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#7
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 define our lives for us. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 11,656 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 43,293 |
That's really pretty! ohmygosh carrie! It's about him.. haha.
 hehe, this reminds me of my first hug with a boy and he left his scent of Axe on me. <333 |
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May 26 2005, 10:33 PM
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#8
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 that heaven is overrated Group: Member Posts: 5,096 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 53,124 |
^ Lol Toby..that's sweet.
Anyway, I really, really like that. It does seem relate-able to everyone in a way.
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May 27 2005, 06:58 PM
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#9
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 RiKACHANtEL Group: Member Posts: 3,876 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,230 |
omg thats really good. i've felt the same way before
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May 30 2005, 11:43 AM
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#10
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 2,152 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 57,818 |
damn. i can relate to that sooo much. thank you for writing such a beautiful poem.
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May 30 2005, 09:03 PM
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#11
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 boo Group: Member Posts: 5,512 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 71,765 |
That's so awesome. and oh-so sweet.
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Jun 3 2005, 06:59 AM
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#12
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 fell in love with a boy Group: Member Posts: 523 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,965 |
I could relate to this so well. You did an excellent job.
Keep trying new ideas! <3 Lindsey |
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Jun 3 2005, 11:14 AM
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#13
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
Wow, very very good. I bet a lot of people can relate to not believing something just happened, that it's just a fantasy. It's very well written. Can't really think of any way to critique this one. Keep up the good work
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Jun 4 2005, 01:45 AM
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#14
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 deleted Group: Member Posts: 3,168 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 92,276 |
whoa. parts of it sound like a letter lol but i love the last two paragraphs and the part about the vivid dream.
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