She ended up dead, =] hahahaha |
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 May 11 2005, 09:49 PM
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#1
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer*  Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134  |
i see her smile and pass me by
im too shy to say a word, i dont know why i remember a time when she said hi but i was too shy to say a word, i dont know why now she has a boyfriend, they've alredy kissed ive never felt this way before, not like this i just found out her boyfriends name was chris something broke inside of me, but ive never felt like this i heard her say i love you and that their together for life my thoughts began to darken, i took out a knife i heard him say i love you; marry me and be my wife my thoughts began to darken, i was ready to take his life she turned off the lights and went to bed woke up the next morning, chris was dead i grinned then smiled, didnt hear a word she said cuz the next thing you know, she ended up dead =] hahahah kinda not the topic id write BUT O WELL hahaha |
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May 11 2005, 10:01 PM
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#2
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 512 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 9,682 |
wow . dark . ahhahh, but good .
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May 12 2005, 04:49 AM
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#3
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 121 Joined: May 2005 Member No: 134,309 |
nice...crazy dude though...like the phamtom of the opera...
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May 12 2005, 07:49 AM
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#4
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 I can't believe its not "Ryan" Group: Member Posts: 1,981 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 21,368 |
Dude I kind of actually liked it, disturbing though.
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May 12 2005, 08:36 AM
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#5
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
lol thnx i usually dont write these kind of things but its a first =]
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May 12 2005, 02:59 PM
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#6
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 The windmills of your mind .. Group: Member Posts: 1,317 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 83,699 |
I liked that lol its kinda dark though
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May 12 2005, 08:17 PM
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#7
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 Change Gon Come Group: Member Posts: 2,286 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,822 |
reminds me of Mr. Poe.
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May 12 2005, 08:21 PM
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#8
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 ticktock. Group: Member Posts: 1,138 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 118,235 |
wow, crazy. for some reason, i found that poem. .cute?
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May 13 2005, 05:38 PM
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#9
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 reluctantly gazing Group: Member Posts: 472 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 120,555 |
dark topic. but for some reason i didn't find that poem as deep as many i've read here.
actually, it sort of made me laugh. not the topic...i dont know why....it just did. good job though i guess. |
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May 14 2005, 02:16 AM
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#10
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
lol yeah kinda awkward huh
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May 14 2005, 02:36 AM
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#11
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 221 Joined: May 2005 Member No: 136,655 |
nice
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May 14 2005, 03:17 AM
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#12
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 Bardic Nation Group: Member Posts: 1,113 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 38,059 |
sore loser eh?
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May 15 2005, 04:19 PM
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#13
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 Shutup before I smack you. Group: Member Posts: 119 Joined: May 2005 Member No: 136,015 |
whoah. that's kind of scary. but it's actually good and shows your anger of the... relationship? lols
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May 16 2005, 07:30 PM
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#14
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 Para ti... Group: Member Posts: 100 Joined: May 2005 Member No: 139,983 |
thts actually really good
a lil scary...but nonetheless good |
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May 16 2005, 10:06 PM
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#15
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 peggy's here. Group: Member Posts: 239 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 30,603 |
QUOTE(DaToNeViEtBoI916 @ May 12 2005, 8:17 PM) reminds me of Mr. Poe.  It really sounds like those Edgar Allen Poe poems. I actually liked this poem, it rhymes and it shows the feelings. |
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May 16 2005, 10:46 PM
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#16
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 913 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 101,212 |
QUOTE(sweet_devil @ May 12 2005, 2:49 AM) nice...crazy dude though...like the phamtom of the opera... Not really, it doesnt remind me of that.  Oh yes, its a very cute poem. Dark, yet very cute. ::saves:: |
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| *suddenly she* |
May 16 2005, 11:08 PM
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#17
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Guest |
the rhythm reminds me of a song by the killers. i don't know which one, but it's really overplayed, if that helps any identification. i might be wrong, but the words fit pretty well to it.
that really doesn't mean anything, good job! |
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May 16 2005, 11:11 PM
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#18
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
wow it makes me feel good that this actually captures the readers interest =] never would i've ever thought of writing something like this and to all the possitive feedback from all of you i give my thanks and glad you enjoyed it =]
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May 17 2005, 12:06 AM
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#19
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 Food. Group: Member Posts: 667 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 112,545 |
That's very, very dark and evil, but I like the way it rhymes!
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May 17 2005, 01:47 AM
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#20
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 boo Group: Member Posts: 5,512 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 71,765 |
Cute, but I don't really get the point.
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May 17 2005, 02:18 AM
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#21
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 .bubblicious inspirations. @ www.bubbliciousoul.com Group: Member Posts: 466 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 112,228 |
wow... so she really ended up dead.. sad.
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May 17 2005, 03:01 AM
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#22
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 I'll never be who I was again.. Group: Member Posts: 2,886 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 77,981 |
i like how some parts rhyme, although some parts of it scare me..
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| *AngelicEyz00* |
May 17 2005, 01:09 PM
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#23
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Guest |
Wow, just um... wow, haha... That's so not right...
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Apr 18 2006, 11:39 PM
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#24
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AIYA Group: Member Posts: 13 Joined: Apr 2006 Member No: 395,395 |
wow man lol thats pretty good
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Apr 21 2006, 04:25 PM
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#25
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
The fact that it rhymed kinda added to the eerie part of it as well.
It was very good actually :) I enjoyed it. |
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