createBlog Diary, version 4 Options

[*Azarel*]

Originally started by fathin_felix. Great idea.

Version2
Version3

Old one was 22 pages. Diary? Self-explanitory? I think so. Don't post in here solely to comment on someone else's day.. you can quote them, but don't make that your post.

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Dear createBlog Diary,
I suppose it's been a long while since I've really written anything. I still can't find the inspiration I once had. Just, sometimes, I miss writing. Makes me feel empty, yanno? Time to ramble on some more.

Last night, I felt utterly tired, for no reason. I mean, I'm on freaking spring break, I shouldn't feel tired of anything, really. But I realized I was. I was sitting here on the computer, with nothing to do, nobody to talk to, nothing to relate to. I hated that feeling of utter.. boredom. I still don't know why. I guess I still haven't grown out of the phase where I can't see past the monotony of life. It's almost over though, high school, I mean. More than halfway.

And I can't believe break is more than half over already too. It used to be that the days would drag by, but already, it's Thursday, and I have yet to accomplish anything. Party tomorrow night at Jenn's, and I kind of want to go. At the same time though, I don't. I guess I'm worn out at the moment.

There's nobody to call late at night anymore. People are in school, they have work, whatever. I don't like keeping people up if they have things to do the next day-- it makes me feel bad. And I've been waking up so late nowadays. It makes me feel like a lazy pig. I dunno. I suppose it's just me. Is all, for now. Until next time.
-Me.

[Rachel]

cB diary,

It has been a while since I have felt this good. It's been quite sometime since I have had this feeling, you know the one. Where even if everything seems to be falling apart, you are still completely happy as long as you talk to that certain special someone.

I like it, but at the same time I am scared. I am scared of being hurt, of falling too hard, of loving too much. I am scared of knowing that in another year, we are both going to college. Most likely in different states, a plane ride away. It sucks to realize that we are probably going to break up because long distance is hard to deal with, esp. in college. I just want this year to last forever, for us to be together and happy. I don't want to have to think about what you are going to be doing and how many girls you are fliting with. I just want to be with you. Plain and simple, with YOU.

[Ington]

Dear CB Diary.

Today Anna reached 3k posts. I am very happy for her.

People are starting to really suck here. I have no patience for them. I have lost my ability to lock my emotions up. So now, whenever someone says something stupid to me or complains, I just tell them why they deserve what happened. Incompetent fools.

[inthemudhole]

Literally, what the hell did I do wrong this time?..
Maybe it's just his computer again, but he won't even fucking talk to me. What the hell did I do wrong now? I barely said anything to him last night. I didn't ignore him, but I didn't say anything that could be taken the wrong way.

Fuck it.

Three days.
More shitty news though.
Paul was out last night. Not sure why.
They're also not playing as many songs.
My God....What the hell else can go wrong now?
I've been dying to see them for over FIVE FRICKING YEARS, and now I FINALLY can, and it's going to be shitty. I just know it. Either it's going to get cancelled, or they're only going to play for 20 minutes.
I'm not even grateful to see them at this point. I know it's not their fault. I know they love their fans, but all the same, I feel really let down.

Whatever.

I'll stop whining now.

To sum it up, this week has fucking sucked.

Excuse my language.

Shoot me in the head,

Brie

[to-devastate]

Dear cB diary,

I can't stand it anymore. I just can't. It's so freaking funny how he looks at her and when he looks at me, he doesn't take me serious. How he always seem to have her back on everything. While she has it all. And I have nothing. I seem so lonely with him. I just don't understand. I don't understand how we're not "supposedly" together. I mean. We have so many things in common. He's my perfect guy. I don't know why he doesn't see that. Just I don't know. I really would like him to know how much he's intentionally hurting me. And to see how it feels to be the last one standing.

Anywho. Today I got autograph books. I had about 22 or 23? people sign. Tomorrow I shall bring it back into school and have the rest sign.
And today, I was also informed that for graduation trip, we're going to the wax museum. I want to go to Six Flags like 74... but NO.. "it has to be educational". Screw the board of ed. They don't even know how much freaking work we do in school and we ask for.. just one day of fun.. but NOO. It's not freaking "educational". Last year, the grads got to go to Washington DC for overnight. Not fair. And it's not like the school is paying for our trip. Gosh. I was to smack them in the face.
Overall, today was a good day. I felt more connected with him but he just hurts me. Gah. I also got a 60 on spanish test. I hope mom doesn't yell at me too much.
- Me.

[wounded]

Dear CBD.

I swear, I'm f**king bipolar. I'm shit. I'm worthless. Yet, I'm worth all of her love. She loved me enough to give her life. Yesterday was two months on my suicide attempt, and I'm feeling horribly again. I don't want to end this life.

S. didn't pick up when I called her. That's bad, cos she would have talked sense into me. Now I'm here. I want to sever all ties with everyone. But I can't. And A. says it's bad that I want to do that. I think that K is pissed at me.

Fcuk, I don't deserve any ones love.

[Rachel]

Dear cB Diary,

If they don't announce the new staff memebers soon, I am going to shoot myself.

And I am pretty sure that if I don't get modded, I am going to leave. Not because of jealousy, but because I really need to focus on school/outside life. Obviously being modded would give me some actual purpose to coming on cB, other than being the sarcastic nazi grammar bitch that n00bs and stupid kids hate.

[yukichan]

dear cB diary...
kind of had a good day..
things were kind of awkward in BPA..couldnt help it..
I tried to talk to him...Kind of stuttered.. It was ok though..I was like: you look tired, and your eyes look red..And he was like: You look tired and your eyes look red..Lol..That was during science...hehe..
In math Pa** continued to scare me..lol...
In BPA Os*** talked to me..Kind of was embrassing..He was like what are you doing?And I was like working on the paper..and he was like oh...And then other ppl walk in so he doesnt say anything..strange....

Wow..It nice having a new createblog version..It was getting quite long..lol..

<3 Nancy..

[*Azarel*]

Dear createBlog diary,

Not even a day, and I'm writing in here already. Just need somewhere to let loose, and I suppose it's here. Honestly, it's nothing though-- I'm just lonely. Ten thirty-six at night, I should be on the phone or sleeping; instead, I'm sitting here, pouting. There's no one I'd rather be talking to right now. Last night, I called up Christina and Eve, and I simply don't feel like doing it again tonight.

Only two nights since I last talked to Justin, and I miss him already, so much. I love the sound of his voice. I love talking to him. I love everything about him. God, he's so perfect. Two weeks until he moves out--only a little more until he visits. I know he needs his sleep, I know he works and has school, I know he has a life outside of me, but.. I want to be a bigger part of it. I guess I'll have to wait--just a little longer.

我好想他。

And now I'm bitter. We were just talking about birthdays, to some degree. My parents didn't even remember mine. I thought I was okay with it. I mean, I really thought I was, but the more I think about it, the more I realize, it was my sweet sixteen that they forgot. They've thought that I've been sixteen for the past two years. Sure, I thought I had a wonderful day at school that day, people remembered, but it was Jennster mainly. That girl, I don't know what I'd do without her, but she has so many other people there for her too. I'm not one to go around like her, making friends everywhere. I've too much anger, too much hatred. It was all her though, the balloons, the starbucks, the recognition. Nobody else had any idea. Not even my very parents. It's sad, really. Sometimes all I want is to be remembered, maybe even appreciated. It's too much to ask for.

-Me.

p.s. I'm out of food in my room, and for some inexplicable reason, I'm starving not even three hours after I ate dinner. Sigh. Good night.

-- I really don't mean to complain. It just comes out that way whenever I write in here. :\

[Teesa]

Dear CB diary-
Today I found out that one of my friends, that I have no feelings for really, likes another girl. A lot. So why do I care so much still? Why am I feeling like my world is all messed up if I don't have feelings for him?? I cannot answer these questions. I am so sad. I hope no one bothers me today. I hate having to act fake, but I must because otherwise, people will ask questions and make me act more of a bitch. So on goes the fake smile and laugh.

[*jooleeah*]

Dear Createblog diary,
Today was a regular day. A lot of my fake smiles came out today.

Damn. I have no f**king life.

[miss barnes]

Dear cb diary,

today was an ok day. so damn happy that its friday. this week took forever. i pray to God that the rest of the school year isnt like that. . anways, man i like him so much that i think i'm going to die. its so hard not to let him know that i wanna be his girl. why is he still with her? uhh! this is just not fair. i just want to find someone who..no...i want HIM..period. please God let me have him

-reekah

[to-devastate]

Dear cB diary,
Today was kinda cool. He hooked his arm around me. Hehe. But it was only because Jason kinda told him to. "I'll hug her if you hug her." kind of thing. I blushed. I replied "Don't ever do that" but obviously, I lied. I wanted him to do that again and again. Forever. :]
Anywho, I told his best friend that I liked him. And he kinda expected it. Whatever. I'm glad that my crush's best friend knows I like his best friend. hehe. And he told me who he liked. Very cool conversation. lol. And I watched Naruto up to ep. 11 ! Sasuke pwns man. Very cute. Tuesday is Carol's birthday. Can't wait.

[Nicolatofu]

Dear cB Diary,

If they don't announce the new staff memebers soon, I am going to shoot myself.

And I am pretty sure that if I don't get modded, I am going to leave. Not because of jealousy, but because I really need to focus on school/outside life. Obviously being modded would give me some actual purpose to coming on cB, other than being the sarcastic nazi grammar bitch that n00bs and stupid kids hate.

Aw, Rachel, who will correct all of the grammatically disturbed(?) kids here on cB?? Eh, you have a big chance in making it, so I don't see you leaving soon.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear cB Diary,

We just had a really big storm. Tornados surrounded us everywhere. Now the sun is out and it's beautiful. Although there's still little piles of hail everywhere. I really need this weekend after all of the chaos this week. No Thunder over Louisville this weekend. I'm really mad about that. Anyways, we can't get that neon. Who knows, we'll probably be without transportation for a while. And Josh's getting braces! haha. Just bored here tonight waiting to hear more news on the whole cB hiring event. Well, I guess my Friday night shows will leep me occupied for a while.

/\/1(0|_3

[inthemudhole]

Excuse the last entry...I was pretty....Angsty.

I'm okay now.
No school today.
Went to the optional band practice at school.
Woot for my automatic 'A.'

Joe's calling me tonight.

Driving up to Minneapolis/St. Paul tomorrow morning. Yeah, a day early for the concert. We're going to hang out, I guess.

Got the new Wednesday 13 CD....Finally.

I'm so cold.

I can't wait for him to call me...

Two days,

Brie

[lovescream]

Hey cB Diary,
finally, here in my new home. It's warm here. Warmer than NJ. So I guess that's a plus.. I must admit, I'm learning to like it here. i still miss all my wonderful friends, though. I went to the middle school today.. I saw this really hot guy workng at the desk. =) the teachers were nice. turns out, I was in the wrong school, though. So I had to go to another school.. which is rogich middle school. I searched students there on myspace.. nice. A lot of people. o.O
It turns out I need a shot for this state. It's required for Nevada. So I went.. ow.. My left arm was numb for a little while.
So back to my school, everyone was gone except for the teacher. I must admit, the middle school is bigger than GTMS in my old home. Still, I wanna go back. ]; So.. now I'm going to school Monday. Wooohoo. [/sarcasm]
I dont know what classes to sign up.
Band - I suck.
Guitar - No patience.
Web Design - YES!!!!!!! But dammit, it's for 7th & 8th grade only. Oh, well. The year's almost over. Thus, next year in 7th grade, I will join web design classes.<3 Oh, and I'm taking bowling. Bowling club in school. I wanted to go to debate, but they don't have debate club.

I'm going to maybe join explorations.. since it's for all grades and its the only thing I can choose for now.

Ah, wish me luck on Monday. I'll need it..

- Toby.

[wounded]

hey cBd,

I got made fun of today, again. Because I like Good Charlotte. Who gives a f**k what any one thinks about them? If I like their songs, because they speak to me, why should any one in my classes care?
Yeah, maybe I am a freak for liking them, but whatever. It's not my f**king fault that they know how to speak to kids. Little f**kers.

Maybe I can get tickets to the one RK, SP, GC shows in OH. I don't know yet. Please, Lord.

J

[xTINAA]

Dear CB diary-
Today I found out that one of my friends, that I have no feelings for really, likes another girl. A lot. So why do I care so much still? Why am I feeling like my world is all messed up if I don't have feelings for him?? I cannot answer these questions. I am so sad. I hope no one bothers me today. I hate having to act fake, but I must because otherwise, people will ask questions and make me act more of a bitch. So on goes the fake smile and laugh.

See, it's entries like these that make me angry. Why? Because I don't know who you're talking about and we're supposed to be best friends. Stupid school has made us distant! Haha. We must talk dear

Dear cB Diary,
So this past week really sucked. I mean honestly...it sucked. I missed a lot of school, got in trouble, calls from the dean, letters sent home, got in fights, just an overall LAME week. And the weekend isn't looking much brighter. Why? Because of all the homework and studying that needs to be done and because our beloved Pastor is leaving. I'm going to have a breakdown on Sunday. Leaving...how can he leave? I'm going to miss him so much. I need him. Yeah there's Evan but I want Tony to be there too. It's because of him that our church has been prosperous. Gah. Anyways, tonight was okay I guess. I don't know if I have good friends. I mean good to me, yes but good as in what they do is good. Because me, I'm a virgin to almost everything. I haven't drank, smoked, partied, had sex, nothing... And what do they do? Drink, smoke, and party. Have sex? Hahah no. And tonight they were talking about how they got high earlier and about going to a party and one of them I've known since middle school and it's just weird to see how people change. I don't really like change but I don't dislike it either. It's just....weird. Yeah...so I guess I have nothing to say. Oh yeah, life sucks right now. Kay that's all. G'bye.
-Me.

[inthemudhole]

Yes, I realize I just posted in here, but I'm gone until Monday night, so I figured it'd be fine...

The concert is TOMORROW.
TOMORROW!
All of this tedious waiting, and it's FINALLY here.
We're driving up Saturday morning. Ohh, man. This is going to rock ass.

Oh, and Joe called me today.
Yeah. It was absolutely wonderful.
I'm in love. I swear I am. I don't care if I'm "too young."
I really think I'm in love.
He has the sexiest voice in the entire world. I love his accent.
He's so polite too. :)
It was so cute when he was talking to his dog...He's so sweet to his dog.

I'm so giddy right now.
In fact, I think I'm too giddy for my own good.

Hell, last night I was crying and trying hard not to do anything foolishly close to suiciding.
And now...I'm just sitting here....Grinning and humming to myself. Daydreaming about Joe.
Joe. Joe. Joe.
He's the only thing on my mind anymore.
I'm glad everything's alright between us.
I'm not getting the weird vibe anymore....Thank God.
Everything's going great between us.

School's out May 26th.
Can't wait for that either.

See you fuckers on Monday night. \m/

ONE day,

Brie

[Juicy <3]

Dear CB,

I don't know how i'm supposed to feel about yesterday. Its was okay, we were all admitting our feelings and talking like mature people for once. It was awkward i must admit, but i got over it. ____ gave me a piggy-bank, it was so funny. He kept on spinning and then started to run real fast, I thought i'd fall flat on my face _____ and _____ were all talking about the difference between white girls vaginas and black girls vaginas, and I was just like "Uh?" and walked away...haha. Maybe I was a little offended I don't know Anyway, I think that _______ told ______ that I had feelings for him? or someone else, because when i walked up to them, she was like "and Tai too!!", stupid biatch. Why doesn't she ever use her head before she opens her mouth? Grrr. That's in the past anyway, so why am i dwelling on it? Oh well.
____ liked _____ I personally think that we all did at one time in our lives, I don't know why, he just had something that attracted me. I'm guessing it was his killer abs ______ was telling us all how she used to sing love songs about him. Haha, I was kinda laughing, but thought "wait, I used to do that too.." and stopped yeah, i know... I'm sad; what else is new? Hmm, i think that ______ still has feelings for _____; that's why she always acts like she hates him....Hmmm. Anywhoo, enough about yesterday, I'm about to go get my butt in the bath and get ready for shopping I pray that I can get my belly pierced today, without my father finding out

Tai <3

[yukichan]

dear cB diary..
I feel so hurt..The words get a life is echoing in my head..I never thought he would say that..I guess right now would be a good time to let go..I know that the more I hold on, the more im hurting myself..sigh..

argh..i have so much stuff to do..i need to find 4 more ppl for the seating arrangement..the dance is coming up..i want to ask **** out but i doubt i will..thinking about it, i probably will get rejected..he probably goes for pretty girls..sigh..

today was i guess a good day..
good night everyone..
-Nancy-

[wounded]

dear cBd,

The guy I like is an alcoholic. He's only 15. Damn this all. I asked if I could go out drinking with him - I'm the same age as he is! - and he said no. He didn't want me to do the same shit that he's done. That I'd be too far gone. Well, damn that.

Why do I always choose the bad guys?

[EmmalieV]

Dear CB Diary ,

Guys suck , period. Why go through all the trouble of being in a relationship when you know its going to hurt you even more in the end.

Funny thing is , I dont give a fck. I Guess im used to break-ups. Ive had to many to not be used too it.

AND WTF stop driving me CRAZY! NO! we cannot get back together and NO! we will not talk about it.

You make me sick.

[weirdness]

dear cB diary;
thank god it's spring break
school is so damned boring. i hate it.
die die die
today i'm going to my friends house ^^ and we're going to watch yakitate japan!
i hate xanga. i quit.
no, maybe not quit
just no entries for the moment

sincerely me

[*stephinika*]

dear cb diary,

i'm back again. as usual. the retreat was absolutely amazing...so much better than i thought. i had time to bond with people with such long talks that were just lovely. i opened up a bit more, but still not completely. the only bad part really, was on the way home on the bus...there was so much dust on that road with the bus in front of us and the windows were open so my throat began to close up and i couldn't breathe. i was so scared. scared the shit out of everyone else too, mind you it showed me that they did care. adrian came off the bus with me on to the other, emptier one. i was so grateful he was there, i don't know what i would have done otherwise. thank you so much. he took care of me so well. he looked so scared too.
but yeah i was on the phone later that night with mark...i swear to god, he doesn't seem to care anymore at all. i told him about my breathing incident and he was just like "oh really? okay." like what the hell!? everyone else freaked out, you'd think he'd be the one to freak out the most. then he's like "oh yeah i can't talk tonight, i have to go." and i replied in a rather mad tone of voice and usually if that happens, he'll recognize it and ask me about it. no, not this time. he just goes on saying i love you and goodbye. i swear, it sounds like he's saying it out of obligation. i don't know anymore....
my heart is being torn in two.