its another poem, they just keep coming |
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 Mar 26 2005, 08:21 AM
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#1
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 Another ditch in the road... you keep moving  Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152  |
its hard
and it sucks but you do it for the birds and the bees and for me for the faeries for the creatures for the demons and the people know you destroy you bleed you caress you and make you feel like the bestest piece of shit its in your blood in the veins in the body in the ground underground awake asleep and dreaming of a nightmare |
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Mar 28 2005, 04:17 PM
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#2
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Another ditch in the road... you keep moving Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152 |
ok this got over looked, and i want an opinion, so im gonna bring it back to the top of the page...
lol. as for double posting, bite me |
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Mar 28 2005, 04:54 PM
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#3
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It's not me whos the problem... Group: Member Posts: 50 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 110,422 |
lol, since u want a critique so bad- Wondering what inspired you to write this, it's a different style, but this line, "and make you feel like the bestest piece of shit " really throws the reader off =P
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Mar 28 2005, 04:58 PM
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#4
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 i've never wanted anything rationale. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 8,449 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 19,045 |
i like it!! and i like the random long line =)
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Mar 28 2005, 07:04 PM
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#5
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 my <3 is in Ohio Group: Member Posts: 899 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,599 |
i like it a lot. i like the randomness of it
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Mar 29 2005, 04:47 AM
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#6
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
I think it is good work james :) It is random, but at the same time it ties together so perfectly. Keep submitting :)
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Mar 29 2005, 03:40 PM
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#7
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 LunchboxXx Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810 |
"bestest piece of shit". classic. hehe.
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