hey im new and i need advice., =) Options

[jumphopper]

hey ppl. im new to this im been reading all these great post and i need a little help myself.
just recently a good friend of mine and i decided to stop talking to eachother cause she wanted just to be friends however, i wanted to be more... it was a mutual agreement. we used to talk everyday and now it all of a sudden came to a hault.

i know this may sound a little shallow. but i was wondering if you ppl had any advice on how i can get her to realize what shes missing? is there any small things i could do? any tips? cause i think about her alot and i just wanted to see if she thinks about me too.

thanks for all the input. its greatly appreciated.

- jumphopper.

[topsyturvy]

You can't make her miss you, but you can make her realize you still care by doing nice things for her. One step at a time, don't rush this.

[jumphopper]

so.. do you think i should still talk to her?
cause the whole reason we stopped talking to eachother is because i would just be fooling myself into thinking that we had something... when in reality nothing is there.

[topsyturvy]

How do you know nothing was there? Did you ask her?

[jumphopper]

i asked her if she saw us being together in the future...
last week. when we last talked. we had this really honest conversation with eachother. shes going away for a year. and she doesnt want anything "standing" in the way of her plans.

and like i said up there ^^
i think about her constantly. and im doin my best to move on.
but its the fact that her and i are still really really REALLY good friends.
that used to talk everyday. sometimes 3X a day.
sometimes i get tempted to pick up the phone and call her. but i'd be tricking myself. i just want to see if she misses me..

so i dunno how she feels. all i know is that a year is a long time

[topsyturvy]

Well, this isn't much of a question anymore. She answered saying she doesn't want anything standing in the way of her future. How much more obvious can she be?

You have to think of it this way: She's scared to turn you down. That thing about her future is an excuse.

Sorry to sound harsh, but that's how I see it.


EDIT//

Here's something you can try. Tomorrow, act totally normal (be nice and all).. except pretend to cram yourself full of activities, like you're too busy for her. As soon as she realizes this, how she reacts is how much she cares.

[jumphopper]

yea youre right...
so other than trying to get over her... anything else i can do?

*edit*
cause we've managed to not talk to eachother for 5 days now.
so i just man up and start talking to her again?

[topsyturvy]

Oh yes, definately keep talking. Otherwise she might take it the wrong way.. that you're mad at her because she doesn't like you. You still want her as a friend, don't you?

Good luck.

[jumphopper]

oh yea for sure im still her friend.
its just that i dont want to think that the small things she does ie:calls me 3X a day, visits me at work, is something that JUST friends do. (you know what i mean?) then i'd just be hurting myself more.

but thanks sooooo much for your help K!$$.
youve helped alot.

[topsyturvy]

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Though I think she's treating you like a best friend.

[jumphopper]

thats exactly what i DONT want.... hehe.


is it true that when youre in the "best" friend stage theres no turning back?

[topsyturvy]

Turning back? As in back to a normal friend?

Because most people I know go from acquaintances to friends, friends to good/best friends, and then a couple. I mean, you want to know somebody really well like a good friend to date them. Unless you're of the shallow sort, who go for looks.

I'm having second thoughts. Maybe her "future" excuse is only half true. If you work hard enough, she might change her mind.

[jumphopper]

no no im not like that.

i mean turning back as in..."stuck in the friends stage and nothing more"
cause ive had so ppl who see friends as friends and nothing more.

[topsyturvy]

Well.. I don't see it that way. You can't really be "stuck" in the friends stage. All you can really be is stopped. Like, not wanting to progress. And it's her who doesn't want to.

[jumphopper]

that is true.

[jennyjenny]

Maybe you guys should pm each other? haha.

Anywho, I only read the first post, but I know that people don't want to be pushed into relationships they don't want. You can't force someone to like you, y'know.

[Shattered_Hope]

Show her you still care...and let her know that you think about her constantly. And maybe even tell her that you're willing to wait for her?

[jumphopper]

thanks guys.

[cHuNsAbAbIe012]

pick her up from school n work...take her out to places. buy her lil gifts that u know would touch her heart. get into her life n ask wats wrong wen something doesnt feel rite. just be there for her wen she needs someone. thats wat i know that i would want from a guy. even if i was trying to get my future going.