amidst, omg...i wrote something. Options

[*stephinika*]

its been quite a long time...its amazing really. written on the spur of the moment. constructive criticism is appreciated.

Amidst

She’s lost now
Her mind all lost in the frenzy
Emotions spinning through her head
She does not know her own thoughts
Her own decisions don’t feel her own
Amidst all her thoughts
A single voice rings out
Telling her the truth
But thoroughly shrouded
Behind the ongoing whirlwind
Her threshold of insanity
Ever so slowly creeping closer
Again a single voice calls out
Tiptoeing past the dysfunctional sentiments
Trying to reach her very core
Almost there
Looming so intimately
But in an instance
Is torn away by the uncertainties
Still spinning
Always
So close
Yet so very far
She begins to spin dizzily
More and more
Inside herself
Hiding herself
In the confines of her own mind
Her own thoughts
Confusion
And tears.

[*salcha*]

wow, it's so intense and emotional at the same time, i love it. niiice.

[--{Empty}--]

Pfft, and you say you can't write. This is GREAT I like it Intense language too which adds much effect conveying your message even better. I LIKE THIS ONE!!!

[RiddleMeWonders]

its been quite a long time...its amazing really. written on the spur of the moment. constructive criticism is appreciated.

Amidst all her thoughts
A single voice rings out
Telling her the truth
But thoroughly shrouded
Behind the ongoing whirlwind
Her threshold of insanity
Ever so slowly creeping closer
Again a single voice calls out
Tiptoeing past the dysfunctional sentiments
Trying to reach her very core

My favorite section.

This I believe is the first thing I have ever read that was written by you. I don't know why I haven't seen more of your talent, but now I am strengthened and confirmed in my assumption that you are an awesome writer. Great job, Steph.
*Nods*
Really great.

[Paradox of Life]

Wow, I'm glad you decided to write because you're REALLY GOOD. It sounds like something I would write because I always like to write short 2-4 word lines and make lots of those. It's really deep and you use such good, vivid words to describe confusion and being lost. I like your title too. I was a bit uncertain about it at first, but everything ties together pretty well. Something that kind of confused me was the "voice" or whatever. What's it supposed to represent? Maybe you could've elaborated more on that or put it in the ending or something or maybe it's just me being stupid again >_>;

[*stephinika*]

thanks for the great comments guys. and to akaryux: umm i guess its supposed to represent that one bit of confidence in the back of my mind that gets pushed away by all the insecurities in a way. hope that kinda give you the idea. thanks again everyone!

[inthemudhole]

wow, it's so intense and emotional at the same time, i love it. niiice.

My favorite section.

This I believe is the first thing I have ever read that was written by you. I don't know why I haven't seen more of your talent, but now I am strengthened and confirmed in my assumption that you are an awesome writer. Great job, Steph.
*Nods*
Really great.

^ Agreed to both comments.

Very nice job, Steph!

Very emotional.

Keep up the good work. :D

[racoons > you]

steph, thats incredible. it sth ebest think ive read in ages

[Sa-Chan]

I like this a lot...deep, and just downright striking. It gets to you.

[*stephinika*]

thanks so much guys. i appreciate the comments.