a disenchanting scene |
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| *islandgirl4eva* |
 Mar 1 2005, 04:10 PM
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#1
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through my mind's eye
i do spy some gossipy girl fingers twisting their curls chatting away at people's follies from today through my mind's eye i do spy a group of vapid boys playing with their toys ruining some girl's name like it's nothing but a game through my mind's eye i do spy a student in the back feasting on a verbal snack she looks upon the scene looking sad, disgusted, mean through my mind's eye i do spy a girl with a pen an open mind and then i write what i see making pretty poetry |
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Mar 1 2005, 05:12 PM
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#2
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 Another ditch in the road... you keep moving  Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152 |
SO good... i love th esecond verse
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Mar 1 2005, 06:39 PM
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#3
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 crushed. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,432 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,026 |
I loved that..especially that last verse. very nice.
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| *stephinika* |
Mar 1 2005, 07:56 PM
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#4
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wow...i love the pattern/style you wrote it...flows quite nicely. great job naomi!
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Mar 2 2005, 12:23 AM
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#5
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 aNNa BaNaNa >.< Group: Member Posts: 102 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 104,244 |
hey!
wow i really like that... i can relate. I agree about liking the second verse the best... i bet too many girls can relate to that. >.< good job! aNNa |
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| *islandgirl4eva* |
Mar 2 2005, 08:04 PM
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#6
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Yeah, thanks. I tend to be very quiet in class. I'm the girl who's brooding in the back of the room and doodling all over her notebooks...lol. I just write what I see!
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Mar 2 2005, 11:36 PM
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#7
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 109 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 91,204 |
I like the whole idea of drawing out the entire scene around the narrator. And the scheme of the entire thing was put together really well. Hope you keep posting up your written work.
looking forward to reading some more of your thoughts/ideas/whatever you wanna call em'.
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| *salcha* |
Mar 4 2005, 03:29 AM
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#8
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like what stephinika said, i love the pattern
the way you put it gives it a real feeling too great job. |
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Mar 4 2005, 08:14 PM
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#9
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 No Nose =[ Group: Member Posts: 101 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 87,291 |
I like this poem a lot. I like how you repeat the first line. Good job. =]
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Mar 4 2005, 09:02 PM
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#10
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 music lover Group: Member Posts: 469 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 52,999 |
awsome poem
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Mar 8 2005, 02:30 AM
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#11
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Brie Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 10,172 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,548 |
Great job, Naomi!
It flowed very well and it was very descriptive. Keep up the good work. :D |
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Mar 8 2005, 04:01 AM
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#12
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
QUOTE(islandgirl4eva @ Mar 1 2005, 4:10 PM) through my mind's eye i do spy a group of vapid boys playing with their toys ruining some girl's name like it's nothing but a game  I loved it! that part especially^ You have got talent, I really liked how you traced the poem back to yourself at the end. |
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