if you made this mistake.. what would you do ?, broken hearted Options

[BrokenHeartsKILL...]

okay. i was going out with this guy named jaron. we were in love and everything. but i had a best friend named kevin. he HATED him and wanted him dead. after bout 2 months into the relationship things were shaking up and stuff. but i really really was in love with him. and he liked me like a lot. but; kevin convinced me to break up with him. he was always saying just break up with him and saying he was gonna fight him. i didnt want anything to happen to jaron. but i didnt break up with him. kevin screamed it to him when i asked him not to. but when he did. jaron just looked at me then started to hurt himself. he called me that night crying for me back. but i felt so bad i couldnt say yes. after all kevin did it. i got in depression.. but that wore off about a month later.. then the day after that; kevin was like umm ur going out iwth brandon. and i liked him; but i loved jaron. i went out with this guy for about a month and a half. then i broke up with him; well actually kevin did. then me and kevin somehow hooked up. it lasted 3 days. heh. after all that was through. i started talking jaron. kevin was grounded. when he got off; i asked him if he woukld mind if i went out with him. he said, " you can either have me as a best friend and hate jaron. or you can go out with jaron and me hate you ".. weLL i never decided. but jaron wore off ; he stopped liking me. that was last year. i refuse to go out with anyone ever since. me and jaron ont relaly talk anymore. but i love him so much. i carved his name on my waist. crazy. im like obsessed. but like , i dont know. me and kevin arent best friends anymore. we are jsut close. i have a new best friend now. i feel reallly bad now. last thursday would of been me and jarons one year if i didnt break up with him. does anyone know what i should do?