So wHats a giRL supposed to do?, ....love aint easy anymore Options

[lagretz20]

[FONT=Optima][SIZE=1][COLOR=red] yeah well i just joined this site or whatever and i see that lots of people like to vent about problems. i guess i dont really have a problem anymore its just ive had one heck of a year and i dont think anything else couldve gone wrong:

Well me and my ex had been going out for 11 months. he was always the one putting more effort into the relationship not tat i didnt but he was the one always making plans for the future saying he'll never break up with me couldnt live without me. you know the good stuff. then out of NOWHERE he says we should be just friends. and i asked him why and he said I need to be alone. so i was so understanding. cried for a year straight no joke but he meant a lot to me and we were BEST FRIENDS. like i trusted him with everything. he trusted me with everything. really like the best 11 months of my life. then is just got taken away. at that moment everything went downhill.

THE EX : watch out for those.

Yeah so basically i wont go into details but basically he was telling his X that he liked her but he told em that he never got over her too. cuz im not joking hed tell me everything. Meanwhile it was like 4 months of hooking up with both of us. me knowing everything...her nothing... i was dumb but i loved him and i thought it meant something. but i guess he took advantage of me ALWAYS being there despite all the things he did to hurt me .

Then at the end of the school year after all the she wants what i want....ass without commitment.... and her going psycho cuz shes liek mentally unstable and she found out...and all my cries and all our talks and him going between both of us. me knowing EVERYTHING and ehr NOTHING killed me. but little did i know i can get hurt even more. yup they started officially going out.

Thru the summer she wouldnt let us see eachother so we e-mailed and hed tell me he missed stuff but i wudnt want to instigate anything. he alwasy started it never me. i was going off to another ocuntry for the weeks be4 school started and i ahdnt seen him the whole summer. then of course his gf was away and he toldd me to go to this party. so i went. we drank. yeah there were tears. missing stuff of the past. the one thing that was everything to me and him at one time and we ended up hooking up. of course i didnt start it it was all him. and sumwher in my mind i thot this si wat i want. him. and this means he wants me to.

yeah no.

UGH yeah i come back to school no new surprise of them breaking up cuz they didnt. but i didnt have my hopes up. but he still called. wed talk long hours. and then it became that he actually suggested we be "thing on the side". i didnt consent. but its so hard to say no. i dressed up hidiously everythime he came to like turn him off to ensure we wudnt hook up. but it didnt work. and ugh id turn my head and slowly find myself hooking up with him again. this is wat he made me do. im not that person. i never wanted to be. but i thought there was sumthing in the i miss you adn the im not happy im gunna break up with her.

wel things got really worse. in terms i can say. but i knew that we would never get together because his g/f was sick. but even tho he still came to me. i was so confused. it was already a year. i lost my best friend cuz of this cuz she was his g/f's friend. and idk. i lost my respect for a while. but i did it for me. cuz i thought there was sumthing there.

As all secrets come to the surface in this year. wow paniic. i didnt much care cuz she needed to kno that her perfect life wasnt. but yeah this is how it all turned out. he told me he didnt want to out with her....but they go back out. after the truth..after all this she doesnt care. he suddenly doesnt care about me..tells me "I dont know what ever gave u the idea that i would want to get back with you"...hmmm....could it have been all his cries to me about his g/f. his saying that he liked me. maybe missing me. maybe that he started all this by not wanting to let go. but he couldnt have us both. and our struggle to hold the friendship was mistaken for me tying to save it.

Now, they are still together, and i have lost him my best friend. and the worst part is that he doesnt care. wont apologize cuz hes stubborn. i know watd hed say " Shes mad at me so why should i talk to her". but it was always me making it better. if he really cared he make it better. I feel so dumb for actually thinking hed come back. i knew he wouldnt in the inside. i just cant be at rest if they are together. its a slap in the face. the girl he sed i was better than and that he was happiest with me. shes with HER. why?... but then i stop and think about it....if shes willing to take him back after all that even tho im not the only one then shes just dumb.. .ugh it hurts to think he doesnt care. im just another person in the hall. angry glares or tilted heads. i hate it. but im finally over it. and the drama is done.

This past year was hell. but its over. and im moving on to better things without the drama, PLEASE.


so was love always this hard?

Or does love just fade away.

there'll always be a place in my heart for him. but love isnt suppose to hurt this much. My tears couldve filled the ocean this past year.

no more rain cuz im livin in the sunshine now