Dave, a poem I wrote Options

[potmonkeyjd]

Dave
Little boy, Lost in the big bad world
Trying just to make it out alive.
Can’t save himself,
I tried.
But he wants to save himself.
Full of Jack D and coke,
I cried to him,
Begged him not to pull the trigger.
He walks around my neighborhood now,
Half dead, half alive.
I tried to save what’s left of his soul,
But he wanted to save himself.
Cigarette smoke filled the air,
As I pleaded with him,
To love me, and save him.
He did neither,
He still walks around my neighborhood,
Now he's not alive,
A ghost for a soul,
A slave for a body.
I could never save him,
He wouldn’t let me try.
That’s why the love of my life,
Tried so hard to die.

[rockstermonkey]

I really like it. Great job! Really takes the reader into the narrator's shoes....

[potmonkeyjd]

HI guys, I published this a few days ago, and I was hoping to get more replys, please let me know what you think.....

[*stephinika*]

^^
don't worry about it, not too many people stop by the writing forum. but anyways, i really really liked it...very meaningful and i like how you wrote it. great job.

[rOckThISshYt]

Wow.. great. You really have a thing for cigerettes don't you? lol. It's all good. In Philly, I see it too much, too.

[--{Empty}--]

Pretty intense piece. Constant force throughout the whole thing, and very fast. I quite liked it much like your other works. Looking forward to readin what else you have to say on the writing forum Keep the writing coming!!!!

[*Programmer*]

nice ....very nice

[potmonkeyjd]

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