Hackneyed Questions Options

[Individualityy]

Disclaimer--Not meant to offend anyone. I'm excercising my freedom of speech.

Don't you just love those questions in this forum that keep popping up over and over again? Don't you laugh in delight when you realized you answered the same question two hours ago? Don't you love it when you offer advice about something you don't really mean?

If you do, you're weird. If you don't..continue reading.

So here are all the questions that have been asked at least a bajillion times, and here's a rather satirical way of answering them.

1. I have this guy I like, and like omg like I just like can't talk around him! Like I'm scared around him and like yeah, what should I do?!

-Don't talk to him at all! In fact, don't even look to him. Avoid all eye contact while in school. And if he tries to talk to you, pretend to be extremely interested in the piece of dry paint that's hanging off the wall. Then go home and rant and rave about how you feel so bad and bore your friends to tears. Then go to school and repeat the process again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

2. Have you ever had sex? With who? But why? And where? What age? When? How? Really? Truly? Seriously?

- Four words. Why do you care? No, let's make it six (/edit). Why on EARTH do you care? No, let's make it ten words. WHY IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING HOLY DO YOU CARE?

3. My boyfriend hit me yesterday. I cried. I don't know what to do. What should I do?

-Stay with him, duh. Violence is SOOO attractive. I mean, it's an art! It's what makes your boyfriend what he is. Geeee, girl, I wish I had a boyfriend like that. :giggles:

4. What do I do to get this guy/girl to notice me?

- You know those plaid, tacky pants that are lying around in your parent's closet? Yeah, wear those. Oh yeah, and get that shirt you haven't worn since the fourth grade with soup spilled all over it. Then wear a hat, stick a feather in it, then walk around through school singing "Yankee Doodle" at the top of your lungs. It's not much, but it will really get some people noticing.

5. My best friend is having an affair with my significant other! S.O.S.

- Congratulate your best friend on a job well done. Operation Steal Boyfriend from Best Friend Who I've Known For Eleven Years: Successful. At ease, Sergeant.

6. I want to break up with my bf/gf, but I don't want to seem mean. Help!

-Stay with 'em. Stick a plastered smile on your face when that cute person who you now like passes you. Buying presents for significant other: $102. Treating your significant other to a special dinner: $27.00. Spending all this money when you don't even like the person: Priceless.

7. This guy/girl asked me out and I don't like them. What should I say?

-Watch those Capital One commercials. Then get yourself a bobble-head for inspiration.

I'll post more if I think of any.

Have fun. Meant to humor. Again. Read disclaimer above.