just tell me Options

[Heathasm]

my problems...
-my parents are going through the longest divorce ever and are screaming stealing and hurting each other every day
-im having eating problems due to depression
-lately i've been sore all over for no reason...im thinking its due to stress and/or depression
-problems with people at work
-sleeping problems (aka i sleep more than 12 hours a day)

and now my bf..
-hes the greatest sweetest sexiest thing in the world and i love him alot
-hes horrible at comforting and just doesnt understand
-he doesnt know my bad side very well and i know ill never show it to him
-my parents wont let him near me in their presence

my bf takes away the pain, hes sort of a numb sollution that makes me forget about every thing that is going wrong with me right now
1. if i keep seeing him i feel like ill never be able to fix myself
2. i notice that my attitude and self lately are having and effect on him and i fear that ultimately i will end up hurting him more later and in a slow torturous way than i would if i broke it off now
3. basically i fake every thing im feeling when im around him, but i like doing it because it makes me feel good for some sick reason

if we stopped seeing each other i would be forced to confront every one of my problems and not use him as an escape and he could get over me and find some one who is happy and to make himself happy

and now...i need an outside opinion
do i need to break up with him as soon as possible?
i dont need advice on what else to do..this is how it is and i dont know what to sacrifice...but maybe i do..i need other people's opinions

[sweetdreamsx3]

I think you need to if you're being fake around him since it's not you.

[picaso_smile]

I think you need to get yourself straightened out before you get involved with another person.

Break it off... It's for the best.

Good luck.

[Heathasm]

oh man...i dont know how im going to do it...if i manage to gather up the strength im going to be shit for the next month...

[urbanychic]

maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist or someone that doesn't really know your personal background (your parents, boyfriend, etc) so they have nothing to judge you on and then you can talk at your desire.


btw, if you want to talk to someone, i'll be here. I don't know if this means much to you or if this factor has any significance, but I'm going to school to be a psychologist so .. i can help to the best that i can do.

as for your situation with your boyfriend, it's a tough situation. he blocks out the pain you are experiencing at home but he also makes you not feel like yourself. this may sound weird or what ... but maybe try telling him everything you want to tell him. make a compromise with him. he can't talk to you until you touch your ear or something like that. he has to listen to you .. you have to just get everything you want to say off your chest. another option that i find that works a great deal is to write people letters but not actually give it to them. write a letter about how you feel about the current sitatuon with your parents, about your boyfriend, even write one about yourself to yourself. it's a wonderful sorce of therapy. really, it is.

for the depression, there is so much one can do to alleviate the pain. is there something you truly enjoy doing; alone? Like dancing or singing or maybe even drawing? if so, whenever you feel depressed, do exactly what you enjoy doing. spend as much time as you can. in the long run, you'll feel better about yourself and grow as an individual. good luck to you! depression and divorce is a horrible experience and i've been down that road before and i offer my support to you if you need it.

[Heathasm]

maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist or someone that doesn't really know your personal background (your parents, boyfriend, etc) so they have nothing to judge you on and then you can talk at your desire.

i thought about that but i cant afford one and i dont goto school so i dont have a school councelor or any thing...idk i doubt i could go for that any way

as for your situation with your boyfriend, it's a tough situation. he blocks out the pain you are experiencing at home but he also makes you not feel like yourself. this may sound weird or what ... but maybe try telling him everything you want to tell him. make a compromise with him. he can't talk to you until you touch your ear or something like that. he has to listen to you .. you have to just get everything you want to say off your chest. another option that i find that works a great deal is to write people letters but not actually give it to them. write a letter about how you feel about the current sitatuon with your parents, about your boyfriend, even write one about yourself to yourself. it's a wonderful sorce of therapy. really, it is.

i dont know if i got this through with my post but he just doesnt understand i have really truely tried to explain but he some how changes the subject or we end up doing som ething, its just weird i cant communicate that part of my life with him. ive told him things that go on at my house but its no comfort whatsoever...nothing changes

the letter to myself is a great idea...im going to do that

for the depression, there is so much one can do to alleviate the pain. is there something you truly enjoy doing; alone? Like dancing or singing or maybe even drawing? if so, whenever you feel depressed, do exactly what you enjoy doing. spend as much time as you can. in the long run, you'll feel better about yourself and grow as an individual. good luck to you! depression and divorce is a horrible experience and i've been down that road before and i offer my support to you if you need it.

i spend too much time alone..if any thing i need to be around people and have them comfort me cause i just feel crazy right now

[mistaken_identit...]

I think, and I hope this works. If you find it hard talk to him about your family and stuff, try find a way you can talk to him seriously. Start with something that will capture his attention..something like "Listen, this is important. I really need to talk to you about...."

Let him know all the family problems are affecting you and your relationship with him, but other than that you still love him.

Re: 'horrible at comforting'- well, not everyone can understand what other people go through, and most of them don't unless they really have been through it. So it'll be hard to do the comfort. I'm not trying to be on your bf's side but I think the best he could do is support and encourage you to be brave and hopefully to get through this asap.

I believe that when you're in a relationship, you guys are supposed to make each other happy, be true and support each other through hard times.

If he cannot do that, and he generally makes you feel 'not yourself' I don't think he's worth having you, because the only way you'll be happy is to be yourself, not faking and putting on a happy face when you feel upset.

Most times happiness is generated by yourself, not depended on other people, or what they do to you.

So basically, you can't depend on others to make ourself happy. As the post above said, a specific sport/hobby would 'distract' you from the depression, it would build up a lot of things and just generally a happier person. IMO, it all depends on yourself and how YOU think.

You know, I feel like shyt whenever I'm not surrounded by people, it's like the 'emptiness', so I get what you mean. But sometimes we've got to try and 'cheer ourselves up' too. Talk to a friend or something, tell them how you feel about your family. You will feel better if you let you feelings out to someone you trust.

[mistaken_identit...]

My longest post on createblog so far.

I hope it helps.

[Heathasm]

  I think, and I hope this works. If you find it hard talk to him about your family and stuff, try find a way you can talk to him seriously. Start with something that will capture his attention..something like "Listen, this is important. I really need to talk to you about...."

man, i've already tried this, itll stay serious for maybe 2 minutes but then it just withers away and i feel dumb going on about it..it doesnt do any good

Re: 'horrible at comforting'- well, not everyone can understand what other people go through, and most of them don't unless they really have been through it. So it'll be hard to do the comfort. I'm not trying to be on your bf's side but I think the best he could do is support and encourage you to be brave and hopefully to get through this asap.

yeah, he cant understand because he come from a great supportive family...his dad is a preacher his mom is a nurse they love each other and they support all of their children with whatever they choose to do, i dont think hes ever had a hard time family-wise, i've asked him.

So basically, you can't depend on others to make ourself happy

yeah, thats exactly why i should break it off because im depending on him alot as it is

You know, I feel like shyt whenever I'm not surrounded by people, it's like the 'emptiness', so I get what you mean. But sometimes we've got to try and 'cheer ourselves up' too. Talk to a friend or something, tell them how you feel about your family. You will feel better if you let you feelings out to someone you trust.

i did this last night, and then i visited with her and some other friends we took pictures talked hung out, i feel alot better now but i still dont think i can comfront my boyfriend, lol :l
next week i predict ill be in the same mood i was when i started this thread

[angelrevelation]

maybe you should show your true self to him... if he loves you (which he probably does... to some degree at least) then he'll try to help you, then you can maybe make it together basically, open up to him

[DanielleMaria05]

First, you need to show you're b/f your true self, and if he's making you feel better, I'm sure he loves you..
Well, I think everyone has to have someone that they can talk to and get rid of all their problems. Some are just too much for one person to handle. I have a friend, that whenever I feel bad, that he makes me feel better. He makes me smile. He makes it all worth while.

[lilJdawg]

Just be yourself when your around him because your not being honest to him, i guess you got to sit down with him & talk things over. other than that, just let him go. Good luck & i hope you feel betterr.