William Hung Commits Suicide Options

[Im So Vain]

American Idol’s William Hung Found Dead of Heroin Overdose
7/13/2004 - Robert Krupto

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Las Vegas, NV - Kitschy American Idol Star William Hung, famous for his botching of Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs,” was found dead yesterday, apparently of an intentional heroin overdose. The announcement of his death sent shockwaves to the tens of people who still found him funny.
Ironically, Mr. Hung was found by a VH1 camera crew sent to begin filing “William Hung: Behind the ‘Music.’” Viacom immediately decided to rename the special: “William Hung: fifteen minutes till death.”

Friends of Mr. Hung say he had become despondent in recent days. “I don’t know, it’s just so sad,” said Ming Tse, one of Hung’s former classmates at Stanford, “I heard him the other day on Snotbubble’s Morning Madhouse; he kept trying to make William say things like ‘me so horny’ and ‘hey sailor’ while playing the sound of a bomb falling. I just know William was hurting inside when Snotbubble got him to say, ‘you wanna some-e egg foo young-e.’ It was so sad. I just think he was tired of the commercialization of it all.”

Other friends, who had lost contact with him in recent weeks, feared he was becoming too “Hollywood.” “I’m not surprised he was on heroin,” said Hung’s engineering cohort Melvin Samples, “I mean just two months ago we were out at our usual corner table at Smitty’s, and William actually went and talked to some girls. The next thing I know he’s doing shots with some hipster guys; they were calling him ‘Long Duck Dong’ and making him say ‘au-to-mo-bile.’ From what I hear, it’s not a long leap from that to heroin addiction.”

Stanford’s hippy population immediately misconstrued the situation and adopted Hung’s death as a pet cause. “He was a victim of the corporate greed-machine, just like Kurt [Cobain] and Eddie [Vedder, who is actually still alive],” said one dreadlocked mourner outside the engineering department at Stanford University, where a makeshift memorial had been set up, “he just wanted to sing, and Fox decided to turn him into this joke, man, this f**king joke. They just ate him up and spit him out. f**king Bill O’Reily. I think it’s because he was against the war.” The last comment is apparently in reference to the fact that Hung once answered “no, thank you” when asked whether he was “for or against the war in Iraq.”

The Las Vegas police released part of his suicide note. It read, “I have no reason of living . . . my art which is my importance to the best everybody laugh to . . . I make end here . . . goodbye world of cruel.”

Although Hung’s immediate family disowned him seconds after his appearance on American Idol, it is believed he has an aunt in Toledo, Ohio who will take care of funeral arrangements.

I heard about this at school today.